How many times have you liked someone, and not been sure that they liked you back? How often have you liked someone even though they didn't like you back? Have you ever gotten someone who didn't like you to like you by ruthlessly pursuing them?

No.

For the most part, people either like you or they don't. It's that simple. Once someone knows you well enough to make a decision about whether they like you or not, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make them like you. A lot of people don't realize this--and it causes them a lot of wasted effort. Why put your time and energy into going after someone who is not interested in you?

Sometimes you might not want to admit that someone has no interest in you. You might think they are a really cool person--the idea that they don't like you makes you feel bad about yourself. You don't want to admit that that person really doesn't want anything to do with you. Or you might just be too caught up in the fantasy of being with that person--you want to hold onto the possibility that it could happen. You refuse to admit that it can't and won't ever happen.

Give it up!

Why worry what someone thinks about you? Why not just be happy with who you are?

A new way to go after people:
When you are interested in someone, do one or two simple and clear things to show them that you like them. Ask the person out to eat or see a movie, or call the person on the phone just to chat. Do something to let them know that you're interested in them. And then leave it in their hands. Let them take the next step.

If they call you back, or if they say yes to you, or if they do something else, then that's great--you've just started things rolling. But if the other person doesn't take the next step--then forget about it. They aren't interested. It's not worth your effort. Go look for other people!

Dating is like applying to jobs. You need to send out lots of applications, but you can expect that you'll probably be turned down more often than not. Plus, you might find that some places would hire you, but you wouldn't want to work there anyway. When you apply for jobs, it's good to apply to as many places as possible. If a place turns you down, or doesn't call you back, it won't do you any good to keep sending them letters or calling them on the phone. This will just make them think you're annoying. The people who get the best jobs are the people who send out lots of applications, maybe have a lot of interviews, and then keep applying to more jobs. They don't sit around waiting for one employer to respond.

Similarly, when you are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, look around--test the waters with as many people as possible--but don't go after people once they turn you down. And keep looking! Don't waste your time going after someone to win their heart unless you're already sure that they're interested in you. Believe me, it will save you a lot of trouble.