Since I've been in sex education for nearly two years now, I've come across the
issue of sexuality more times than I can remember. I've had questions from
homosexuals, bisexuals, asexuals, transsexuals, and basically every other
-sexual you can think of.
And after a long time, I've come to see a pattern. Many, many,
many of the questions are from people, usually teens, writing in with the good
old "Am I gay" question. The circumstance vary ("I kissed my best same-sex
friend" or "I'm having same-sex thoughts" or whatever), but the question is
always the same--what am I? And after awhile, these E-mails have come to
depress me. Not because of the question itself--I'm glad to know that society's
moved along enough that people can at least accept alternative sexualities
enough to admit their existence and the possibility that, God forbid, even they
could be gay. No, it's not that at all.
It's the tone that bothers me. It's once in a blue moon that I
see an Am-I-Gay question with the explanation "I'd just like to know so I could
better pursue my true self" or the equivalent. Instead, the big question is
almost always prefaced and followed by words like "Please," "Help me," "I'm
scared," "I don't want to be," or "I hate myself." And that, to me, is very
depressing. At first I didn't understand, but now I think I do.
We--society as a whole--have become far too preoccupied with the
labels. We care so much about running around, weeding all the gays out of the
closet and slapping the word "homosexual" across them that we've lost sight of
what sexuality is. It isn't about little categories like heterosexual,
bisexual, homosexual. It isn't about who wears the pink triangle and has their
right ear pierced, who has effeminate gestures, who has a rainbow necklace. It
isn't about categories. It's about people. Sexuality is like a spectrum, with
100% hetero on one side and 100% homosexual on the other. There's a huge gray
area in the middle, once which most people won't or can't accept the existence
of. Some people are attracted to both sexes, but only one sex romantically.
Some are attracted to both romantically and sexually, but one more than the
other. Some just aren't attracted to anyone. Humans are too varied to label.
But we try anyone. And therein lies the problem.
Most of these kids are so scared about being the dreaded g-word
because of what they're taught. Look at society. Though we preach acceptance,
we still act in discrimination--gays can't get married, every situational comedy
on TV now has the token stereotype gay man to act silly and get people to laugh,
and many people still treat bi/homosexuals as strange, alien, dirty creatures.
And our kids see that and absorb it. So when puberty comes along and they, as a
large quantity of normal teens do, start wondering about same-sex experimentation,
it all comes back, and becomes destructive. And it could all
be avoided if people would stop fearing and assigning the labels, and just
accept. Everyone is different. We have different hair, eyes, voices, walks,
tastes, styles... why not sexualities? Sexuality is about love and about
pleasure and what makes you happy. Why question it? Stop labeling, start
living. Just pursue whomever makes you happy, male or female, and let others do
the same. It's that simple.
The day that I will jump for joy is the day that someone can
respond to the question "What is your sexuality" by simply replying "Mine."
