Read General Advice Click here to return to Teen Advice Show: 10 per page20 per page50 per page Date: Newest firstOldest first Topic: All(general)SexDatingFriendsFamilyDrugsSchoolSelfGay/Les/BiTechGamesHealthReligion Advisor: Allcrewbiehelpinhelperlogomaniacsavsebitopanga1121wilddawg < < < Previous 1000 Next 1000 > > > Not finding the question you're looking for? Click here to Ask Our Advisors! Topic:   Dating Date: July 29, 2009 Matt1235 asks:   So i have been friends with my friend Derek for about 10 years, and were 17. Dereks sister, Cassie, is 15. Lately, i have noticed how much hotter shes been getting, but never did anything about it becasue of Derek, bc he is really overprotective of her. Recently at a party, i saw Cassie there, and i could tell by the way she was walking that she was drunk. But i was beyond gone too, so i went over to her and she saw me and yells "Matt!! " and gives me a hug. I was soo drunk i just pushed her up against the wall and started making out with her. I honestly dont know how Derek would react to this though. It could go either way. He could think that it was funny that i made out with her bc i was so drunk, or he could get pissed at me and not talk to me for a while. But idk which one to do helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I would question if you're going to tell him or not. It's none of his business to know about it, really. It was one little make out session between you and his sister. It's NOT any of his business. If you think you're going to pursue more (like a relationship with her) or something, then I would tell him. Topic:   Self Date: July 26, 2009 Eleven10 asks:   I can't figure out why I feel such intense loneliness sometimes or such dissatisfaction with everything. I'm involved in activities I enjoy, I'm attending my first choice college as a sophomore with no regrets, I have plenty of (good) friends, guys are interested often, I have a loving and extremely supportive family that go out of their way for me in every way, I own everything I could virtually ask for, I'm in shape and very good-looking (no, I don't deny it), I like what I'm studying... yet I often get upset or really lonely easily when I hear about someone else and her boyfriend or when I see some couple walking around campus. I don't understand why... I dated a guy for 3 years... he wasn't right for me and only the best came out of that situation when we ended things. I don't want to date just anyone I can...rich, good-looking, popular--I don't care. I'm really a free-spirit, and I really want someone to share it with I guess. But there's nothing in my power to change my situation.(I am social and meet new people all of the time). BUT I want to stop feeling sorry for myself. It's awful and pointless. Help. helpinhelper says:   Unfortunately there's nothing I can say that can make it go away. If it's really a persistent problem, maybe you should seek out counseling. I'm sure your college has a private (and free) counseling service somewhere. If anything, they can help you talk through your problems. Counseling is very different from "psychiatric treatment." Counselors can't perscribe medication and are really only there so you can have someone to talk to. Hope this Helps Topic:   General Date: July 24, 2009 HelpinHelper asks:   Test question helpinhelper says:   test answer Topic:   Friends Date: July 24, 2009 steven asks:   ok well my friends are talking to me less and less and starting to ignore me more and more even in person i don't want to lose all my friends so quickly and when i tell my closest friend that she just ignores me D: i need advice on how to keep those friends without them drifting away cause apparently just talking doesn't work!!! maybe they already don't like me :/ and they just feel bad and don't want to tell me :( i hope thats not true but it seems so possible i've been thinking about becoming anti social all together because of this and maybe stick to videogames lol idk what to do i know highschool friends don't last but i still have 12th grade coming up im fudged :( i can't take a year of my friends ignoring me :( helpinhelper says:   Well, first, let me tell you from personal experience that being "stuck on videogames" is going to ruin the best years of your life. I was addicted to World of Warcraft (with other games before that) for most of high-school and my freshman year of college. You will regret it SO much later on. Video games give you real sense of accomplishment or social bonding. It's all fake - an illusion. Your friends probably aren't ignoring you. A huge turn off for friends is unnecessary drama, especially in high-school. Saying to them "I feel like you don't like me" is just creating needless drama. A better way to handle the situation is be yourself and ask them to do things. Go see a movie. Go hang out. Go swimming. Just DO something fun and productive. Don't sulk over your friends. And hey, there's always a potential to make new friends. It'll happen so many times throughout your life. While most people say "friends forever," it rarely works out like that past high-school. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: July 18, 2009 Crossed_My_Limits asks:   Well, First off, I'm a 13 year old female... My subject is on depression. Well, everyday I'm depressed and screwed in the head. I don't really want to talk about everything that has happened and/or happening though. Everyday I contemplate suicide... I've actually have tried several times, which is very embarrassing for me, not because of regret, but disappointing my family. I have recently considered counseling, but I have delayed this option as I don't feel completely ready too open up to someone in person. Everyday I want to stay asleep, not wanting to wake up to reality... I feel so antisocial as well, my life feels pointless. The only one I can open up to is my cousin, who is the same gender and age, but even then i can't really communicate with her, it feels wrong. I just really miss happiness, I'm sick of suffering in life, I just want help but i don't know what to do. I know it seems silly of me, wasting your time typing something as ridiculous as this. I'm just not sure what to do, I might as well kill myself now, which I'm thinking of, but the thing stopping me is the ones I love (even if they may not love me) and the hope I cling onto of finally being free of life's tortures... of growing up, but honestly... I can't see myself making it to 18 at the rate I'm going. Well, I just want to know what you think I should do? Should I see a doctor for some antidepressants? What type of questions will they ask if i do? Thanks for listening helpinhelper says:   There are two types of depression. There's "normal" depression, which happens to everyone at some point. It's purely a MENTAL problem and something you have to work through. Something happens like a family member dies, or you break up with a boyfriend, and you feel sad and unmotivated for a prolonged period. There's also "clinical" depression. Clinical depression is a MEDICAL problem. You have a chemical imbalance that's making you depressed. It's literally a sickness. -------------------------------------- You meet all the symptoms for clinical depression, and so you should go and see a doctor or counselor. Counselors will evaluate your general mood and life outlook. They'll ask you things like what you want to do with your life, what's a dream vacation for you, etc. They won't ask you really personal questions. Usually they won't ask about friends or family. Instead, they wait until you want to talk about them. -------------------------------------- PLEASE go see a doctor. They can and will help you. You should always be happy, and it's VERY possible. Topic:   Self Date: July 13, 2009 Jordin asks:   hi. well i have a problem. when i was a kid i was abused. i cant seem to really talk about it to any one. i very depressed and im tired of my life. i was abused by my mom and my dad. bu tnow all it is, is yelling and screaming all the time. its constant. plus my grandmother just died. my head is all twisted and i dont know what to do ant more. sometimes i think about hurting myself to relieve me of all of the hate, violence, and any thing else. im so stress out that it is effecting my school performence. not only that when i was 13 i was attacked. it still haunts me. i have so much going on in my life that i cant stand it. i need som help. PLEASE help me. helpinhelper says:   Your school probably has counselors. You should seek them out. You deserve way better than the treatment you're getting, and several of the issues you're dealing with can be mentally scaring. Most individuals can't work through being attacked on their own and need to see a crisis counselor. Most kids can't recover from childhood abuse. They're things that will destroy your life later if you don't get help now. Talk to a school counselor and they will point you in the right direction. Topic:   Family Date: July 09, 2009 Familyfixer asks:   My parents have been fighting a lot lately. My dad smokes and my mom doesnt like it. I over heard them talking about a divorce. I dont want my family to fall apart. Is there a way to fix things? helpinhelper says:   Unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do but talk to your parents about your concerns. Their relationship is a lot more complex than just smoking. If you're having a lot of trouble with it, you should TALK to someone about it. Don't try to take on the world on your own. Topic:   General Date: July 06, 2009 tappimictapper asks:   hey!! ok, to make a long stroy short, i am 15. I have never had a boyfriend. And all my friends have. I notice guys looking at me and some talk to me but i never get asked out. am i doing something wrong? I have tried alot of things, but none work. well, i am very different from my friends. nobody i know is like me in any way. im quite short, i have tiny feet and im a dancer. Is that why guys dont like me? I dont know what to do anymore. Any help or tips? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you're putting too much emphasis on having a boyfriend. You're 15. You've got another 10 years before you even think about marriage. You should focus on the things you can only do in high school (like dancing, or making good grades, or having fun with your friends). You don't NEED a boyfriend to be happy. Topic:   Friends Date: July 01, 2009 Runner_22 asks:   Ok, so i have these 2 best friends, allie and kertney. then theres this boy, dylan. allie went out with dylan for a little bit, then he went out with kertney a while later. after quite a few months, he dumped her. this was her first heartbreak, ever. she took it hard. and now shes starting to get over him (its been about a month) and allie tells me she might go back out with him. this really upsets kertney. im trying to help both of them, and i dont want to take sides- which i havent so far. but things are reaching a breaking point. im afraid kertney might go into a depression soon. im visiting her in a few days (i moved) and i dont want her to be a bump on a log. i want them to be best friends again. as for allie, she wants kertney back too, but wants to date dylan as well. i want them both to be happy.help?? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, there's nothing you can do but be supportive. Don't try to give out an opinion. If Kertney says "I'm so pissed about xyz," just try to be encouraging. If Allie tells you "good news about Dylan," just be supportive. Really good friends just listen. They'll both appreciate someone they can talk to without being judged. No one's forcing you to take a side, so don't. Topic:   Dating Date: June 27, 2009 s'bella asks:   okay. well, i have been dating this guy for about 8 months. a while back he broke up with me... obviously i was crushed. but im the type of person who cant be alone. so i found another guy that i kind of liked... and started to fall for him fast. but i still love my ex. then one day he told me he loved me and he was wrong, about a month after the breakup. i took him back, but this other guy was crushed. he told me he loved me, and would be here for me whenever i needed him. which is wierd, because ive talked to a lot of people about him... and they all say the way he acts towards me is totally different then the way hes acted to any other girl. his best friend even told me he was completely in love with me. this guy is... well... perfect for me. but... he gets in trouble lots... and is into a really bad scene. but that doesnt change the way i feel about him. so... i love my boyfriend... but i have really strong feelings towards this other guy... i dont want to throw away everything i have with my boyfriend, because im rlly not sure if what would happen with this other guy... all my friends think i should go with the other guy, but they hate my bf... so... i need an outsiders perspective. helpinhelper says:   My advice would be to stick with the STABLE guy. 8-month boyfriend is unstable. He broke up with you (and abandoned a stable relationship), and he's in an unstable lifestyle (breaking the rules, doing bad things). He won't provide for you for your entire life. The 1-month boyfriend is stable, really cares about you, and your friends think you should be with him. While you might love one more than the other, sometimes love just isn't enough. "Follow your heart" is NOT good advice, because your heart only cares about love and attraction. Think about which guy would be a better dad, which guy could give you a better life, etc. Think big picture, not just short-term lust. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 10, 2007 dat509chiik asks:   well theres this boy that ive lyked for sooo long, but i never told him. i didnt think i was the type of girl he'd go for. but he's really good friends wit my best friend n one day he jus started talkin about how much he lyked me n apparently he's felt this way for a while. well my friend told him how i felt n she's been trying to persuade him to ask me out but he is "nervous" n thinks imma turn him down. but a couple days ago he sed he loved me n i told him i loved him too. but he's still scared. so should i ask him out? or should i wait til he's ready? i jus really dont kno... helpinhelper says:   Why don't you ask him out? You don't need to wait for him to make the move. I'd ask him out to a movie and go from there. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 09, 2007 worried asks:   ok, this is a question for my friend so keep that in mind. her family is having some financial issues, and shes been upset lately. i mean, i know her family, their insane, they've always got drama, every once in a while she gets overwhelmed with her life and has to cut herself off. plus i know shes in this "to be or not to be" debate, and i know she cuts herself n contemplates suicide. but shes not asking advice on that. she said she told her classmate that she was suicidal. shes in a program in her school where she is with the same class for 4 years, so they're all really close. except shes really antisocial so shes not that close with anyone. and the guy she told, they're not close at all. i mean, they dont hate eachother like ppl think they do, cuz he tends to diss her a lot, but she says he does that with everybody. so she said it just came out, they were talking online, he was dissing her as usual, and she just said something to the affect of "dont worry about me im gonna commit suicide anyway". then he told her not to be selfish n they spoke abt her financial issues n he tried to give her solutions to the financial situation, but the "suicide issue" was never mentioned in that convo after she said it. it ended wit her saying thank u. this was a few days ago n she said they havent spoken in school since. they look the other way whenever their eyes meet, and she said she feels really awkward. she wants to know what can be done to make it less awkward. like, she wants to im him online again n apologize for burdening him like that, n tell him she doesnt want him to worry abt her, cuz it is a serious issue when somebody tells u they wanna commit suicide. shes worried he might tell someone, tho at the end of the convo she said "ur not gonna tell anyone abt this convo right?" n he agreed not to. but still, she feels really horrible abt it. and hes prolly weirded out, wondering if he should take action. should she sit n talk to him, addressing the suicide issue or let it wash over, assuming he keeps avoiding her. what should she do? helpinhelper says:   She should go and see a school counselor, or you should report her to a counselor anyways. She is not well. She is mentally sick. Suicide is NOT a healthy thing - being suicidal, or even just cutting herself, is something that could kill her. Think of it like a disease or something else - it could kill you, so wouldn't you want to get it treated? Before she resolves anything else in her life, like her dramatic family or this guy, she needs to become happy with herself. If she can't do that, she can't be loved. Be a friend - get her help. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 09, 2007 so confused asks:   this is kind of long. so i appreciate anyone that's going to take the time to read it. i turned 18 at the end of august. at the beginning of september, i met a guy. then in the middle of october, i had sex with him. it was my first time and he knew that. i looked at it as him taking my virgninity and he looked at it as just having sex. i liked him a lot. he said he liked me too, he just didn't want a relationship at the moment. then like a week after i had sex with him, i found out he got a girlfriend. i was so hurt, bc he told me that he didn't want one. well, since that's happened i've started talking to two other guys, shawn h. and shawn b. shawn h. is one of my best friends. he can't be in a relationship right now though bc if he is, his baby's mom won't let him see his daughter. so it's hard for me bc i know he loves me, but i can't sit and wait forever. shawn b. likes me and comes over all the time, but he says he's not good at relationships. i'm so confused and i'm tired of being played around by guys. my friends say it's bc i choose the wrong ones, but i just don't know what to do anymore. any suggestions, please? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, if you want to be in a relationship with someone, YOU NEED TO SEEK IT OUT. If they say "sorry, I don't want a relationship right now," then you should absolutely NOT give them anything. Sorry to say, but having sex with that guy was a mistake - you shouldn't even make out with someone if you're not in a relationship with them. If you like someone, get the commitment FIRST. And right now, you're just sitting there hoping something will happen - what you need to do is do something about it - act on what you want. If you want either of these Shawn's to be your boyfriend, then you need to pursue it. Shawn H. should take his girlfriend to court if she refuses to let him see his daughter just for dating you, but it sounds like you shouldn't be dating him anyways - lots of complications to that relationship. Shawn B. sounds like a cool guy, but you can't just expect him to ask you out one day - you have to make a move. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 07, 2007 confused :S asks:   okay well i have kinda 2 questions. first one is that i really like this guy and he likes me and we've hooked up (making out not sex..) and we hang out quite a bit. but i look at my friends and with the guys they like thier jokeing around is wayy more sexual like they joke about having sex with each other or about thier parts and haha all fun and games but i notice me and my guy never ever do that like its not bad and im not complaining. but i keep thinking maybe we're missing something teens are suppost to have. i dunno i like him alot i just don't want him to get creeped out if i say some random joke.. and im pretty sure he thinks the same cuz his friend told me. i just wanna know...whats wrong with us lol my second question is it seems like everyone around me is having sex. ive gotten to the point where i hate it and i havn't even had it. why is our generation so blehh i mean we're 15. i remember being younger and people would at least wait till their 17.. but now 13 year olds are losing thier v-card it makes me feel like somethings wrong with me and also i feel like pressured and i KNOW im not ready but i feel as if i don't fit in when im with 1-3 people who have already had it. like i mainly wanna know am i doing something wrong? and what do i do . helpinhelper says:   Naw, you're not doing anything wrong. In all seriousness though, if you really like this guy and want your relationship to go further with him, you need to GET in a relationship first. Right now he's just using you for fun. He's simply having fun. Make him prove that he wants something real. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: November 06, 2007 AHFsAngel24 asks:   Im a freshman in college and up until recently I thought I had a solid group of friends. There was this one guy, Chris, who would always mess around with me and ppl started to rag on us sayin we should just go screw n get it over with or watever. Then it became this big joke and it was ok for awhile. Well Chris started to get really mean towards me when this guy Sean started hanging around. I even asked him why he was so mean to me and all he said back was take a hint. Well I accepted his rude behavior probably longer then I should have and then I reached my breaking point. On thursday of this week all my friends had been talking about this get together the fishing club was having and I had said I wanted to go. Well later on I got a text from Chris telling me I couldnt go because I wasnt goin on the fishing trip, well then Sean sends a message to one of my close friends, Bethany, and she accidentaly read it outloud n it said you can come to the thing on Saturday just dont invite Lauren. Well this set me off, I started to cry it hurt my feelings that much. I then sent messages back to Chris telling him that he is an immature ass who doesnt care how he hurts others. I never did anything to him to make him feel this way towards me let alone be this mean. So me and my close friends jenna, bethany, and melissa all sat together n they saw how much it upset me. Well the next day they all started to get weird around me. They wouldnt call me and when I went to hang out with them there was an awkwardness every time, not to mention my friend had come to visit and they were all really stuck up towards her. I didnt understand what was going on and I got more upset then I have been in a really long time. But I came to the conclusion that Im not going to let other ppl control my happiness. So now I come to find out that all my friends are siding with Chris. They've been saying that Im acting childish because I wont even talk to him. My question is how am I the bad guy here? and if they truly were my friends, wouldnt they have stood up for me? I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just not hang out with them anymore or what. It sucks trying to start out fresh in a place where no one knows you, especially when you have nothing to fall back on. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you need to just get a new group of friends that doesn't have so much ridiculously stupid drama. I know that probably sounds mean and harsh, but seriously, all your friends are doing is creating unnecessary drama. They're not respecting your privacy, they're not respecting YOU. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 05, 2007 swimmer156 asks:   Well last year I used to REALLY like this guy named Josh, and he knew I liked him. Although this year I am totally over him and I like a guy named Brian. Josh knows I'm over him. Every single day when I go to lunch I walk there with 2 of my friends and meet up with the rest when we get to the table. My friends and I always have something to talk about but when we pass Josh I constantly find him staring at me. But I only take a glance at him. MY FRIENDS ARE STARTING TO NOTICE HIM STARING! does he like me? or is it something else? helpinhelper says:   I don't know if he likes you or not. He probably does, but no one can know for sure. You should go and talk to him if you're still interested. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 04, 2007 confused horribly asks:   Hello. Im a 15 year old girl and i have this boyfriend who i use to adore but lately i've been feeling different. Call me pathetic but we've dated before earlier this year and i know people do that all the time but I broke up with him. Then i wanted him back a couple of weeks into school. So we started dating. Its been almost 2 months now. He is sweet and kind, but he kind of gets annoying. I want it to end but i cant do it. Im not the type of girl who can hurt others feeling b/c I'd feel bad. This may sound really bad but i want him to break up with me but i know he wont, doesnt matter what i do he wont. Like he doest care. He never gets mad at me and i hate it. Its not really a question but whats ur advice? Thanks in advance :) helpinhelper says:   You have to think of yourself in this situation. You're not happy in this relationship - so why should you stay there? "Because he'd be hurt" is NOT an answer. Eventually, he will get over it and smile again. But if you stay in this relationship, you'll never be truly happy with him or your life. So, it's either you, in an eternity of not being happy, or him, in a quick week or two of being sad. I think him being sad for a week or two is the better option. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 04, 2007 RT asks:   I'm a senior in High School. For the last three years I've been pretty straight-edged (some drinking here or there, nothing too wild). There's this girl who's had a crush on me since freshmen year. She never said it but it was fairly obvious. However, I never really felt the same way about her, although I genuinely enjoy being her friend. I think she is smart, funny and interesting, I'm just not attracted to her. Well, a little while ago we were both at a small get-together (not even a party). I had enough drinks to be drunk, not wasted, and I hooked up with another girl there (who I didn't really like or dislike, it was purely for fun). Not surprisingly, it made the other girl upset. She called me and finally professed that she had liked me, and that she had feared that I didn't like her back and because of that night she finally realized that her fears were true. I'm getting the feeling that she is trying to make me feel guilty for just having fun. I want to get the point across that I still really want to be friends with her, and that I feel bad about hurting her but that I should be able to do what I want romantically (if you can call it that) without her making me feel guilty. How should I handle the situation without straining our friendship too much? I know it will change things, but I don't feel any differently about her even now that she has openly said she likes me. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, your friendship is probably gone... It's unfortunate, but she didn't have the same "friendly" intentions you had - her side of the friendship was based on her crush on you. And you're going to have to reject her - be honest with her too "I think you're smart, funny, interesting, but I'm just not attracted to you in that way." She might end up seperating you to get over you. If your friendship was really a good and genuine one however, she'll get over you and you two can be friends again. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 04, 2007 charlenesabiston asks:   theres this boy that ive liked for 3 years and up untill the 18th we talked everyday. we always hung out we were just very close and then on the 18th we kissed and to me it was the best thing thats ever happened. but ever since then we barley talk we never hang out and we just arn't the same. neither of us has mentioned the kiss but we've talked about why we arn't as close but it doesn't solve anything it just ends up us talking for an hour then back to the way it was. sometimes i catch him starring at me and i think he catches me sometimes too. ive made decisions to just not like him anymore and not be his friend cuz the only way for me to get over him is to not be well around him but then he says a simple "hey hows it going?" and all my feelings rush back. i don't know what to do i don't know how to talk to him anymore and it serisouly makes me cry everytime i think about it. he means alot to me and loseing him would kill me. what do i do? helpinhelper says:   My advice - stop making it all dramatic. It really is just silly drama - all these feelings, all these emotions, "OMG we kissed," etc. It's all just needless drama. If you like the guy, go on a date. Stop having "serious conversations about your future," stop thinking about the kiss and how he feels, just go after him. Don't think about the kiss you and him had - it was over 2 weeks ago. Think about how you're going to get another one. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 03, 2007 sex_babe18 asks:   on the first day of skool there was a new kid and i have had a crush on him ever sence! but snce tuesday my bff likes him and now their going out and my bff wont break up with him even though she had always knows that i have liked him longer wat should i do?!?!?!?! helpinhelper says:   Get over the guy. All is fair in love and war - you had a crush on a guy for a while... It's November, you didn't do anything, your friend did. Your friend beat you to him, and that's life. Next time you like a guy, make a move rather than giving into fear. And if your friendship goes to hell, just remember, you're the one letting a guy get in the way of you and your "bff" - not her. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 03, 2007 PROBLEMS asks:   Look there is this guy who likes me right. well I've always listened to my heart but also I usually know the people better. I was going to say yes but some of my friends know him better. He keeps saying things like his ex is stil in love with him. but he acts more like HE is still in love with his ex plus I hear from everyone that he is really clingy and desperate that has shown sometimes but when its just me and him we really conect. He seems like he cares but only when its me and him. Plus I've had experience with guys that really figure a girl out and act like they truly care just cus they either desperate or they like your ass! what should I do!! helpinhelper says:   My advice: Don't listen to your friends. This is your love life. No one REALLY knows him - they didn't date him, they don't know if he is actually clingy or if his ex just says he is. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 02, 2007 lover454 asks:   Don't you think that the following advice (The lawsuit part) I received from another website is bad advice: I think that anytime a manager is in a bad mood they should not open their mouth. With Tania it seems if she is in a bad mood she starts being unprofessional herself and creating a hostile work environment. I told you before and I will tell you again, if you want that woman removed quickly then you and at least one other staff member has to file a lawsuit against your firm for creating a hostile work environment. Believe me, once your company gets served they will move mountains to get Tania out of there because failure to do so could end up meaning they pay millions of dollars in damages to those who filed suit. There are federal employment laws against being treated the way Tania treats you all. HERE IS THE STORY I ASKED ABOUT: I work in a large company. About a year ago Tania replaced the male manger who everyone loved. Tania is very mean spirited and is always moody. You never know if she is going to be mean or nice. She has caused such friction in our department that people are at each other throats. Our clients have been noticing a change in my coworkers spirits. And yesterday she called one of our most professional workers unprofessional due to the fact that this coworker had to leave because of an emergency at home. Tania will write people up for nonsense (for things she could just ignore). The reason I think the advice is bad is because I need my job so why would I cause friction and file a lawsuit. After that I would have to quit my job. Also one major client called the CEO's office and told the CEO what is happening in my department helpinhelper says:   It's not against the law to create a hostile work environment - what on earth could your case be? "I hate my boss and so does everyone else"? They don't care - you're the one who is willingly working in that work environment. News flash: no one really likes their boss. It's just not practical to file a law suit, or consider filing one. If you don't like your job, start searching elsewhere. My advice is simple escalation, but it relies completely on the belief you have that she is a terrible manager. All work environments are very political - everyone takes a side. If you want to solve this problem, you either need to quit or escalate the issue to a higher ranked official. Someone is already ahead of you, and I'm sure that's going to get some things started. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 28, 2007 kaos420840 asks:   where do i get info. for college and how soon should i...? helpinhelper says:   There are so many places, and you should start as soon as you can! My advice: start with collegeboard.com and search for colleges off of there. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 28, 2007 some1angeliguess asks:   i been friends with this guy for 9 months but last month we decide to go out as g/f and b/f and we still talkin about it but i;m having doute about it now cause he keep telling me everynight on the phone he want to have sex wtih me and i;m not ready to have sex with him i;m not a virgin and he is a virgin and the promblem is i don;t want him to use me for sex when i think he will i do want to take his virgintly cause i love him and he love me but the really bad thing is he know i still deeply in with my x b/f whom i know for last 2 yrs something keep something me in my heart me and my x b/f will get back together and my x b/f was my first i know u will always love ur first time i know that but i keep getting the feelin me and my x b/f will get back together and with we do get back together i don;t want him to be mad cause i slept with someone esle and me and my x b/f promise eachy other we will be each other last and we will be together forever back to this other guy i love him and he love me i think but he 25 still a virgin and i think he wont treat me right i really need someone help helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I wouldn't date him. You need to be SURE if you're going to have sex. Just because you're not a virgin anymore doesn't mean you should treat sex differently - starting that aspect of a physical relationship is a big step and should not be treated lightly. I'd break it off with this new guy - if you're not sure, and he's already wanting sex, that's not a good sign. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 28, 2007 Fred asks:   I have this guy I really like but his x-girlfriend is a good friend of mine. His x-girlfriend knows nothing about me liking him but she always talks to me about what a jerk he is to her. I have a feeling she isn't over him. I feel like if I ever dated him or anything I would be betraying her and thats not what I want to do. It makes me so sad and I don't know what to do. I wish I had the guts to talk to her and tell her how I feel about him but like I said, I would feel like I was betraying her. Does anyone know what I should do? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, go with the guy. If you like him, you might as well pursue it. Their relationship is completely different from what yours be, and I'm sure they were fighting a lot, and I'm sure she's also saying that AFTER they broke up. Anyways, point is, you'll get new friends if this is the end of your friendship. But c'mon, how strong of a friendship is it to let a guy break it up? Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 28, 2007 Yosay asks:   Hey guys just wanted an advice yesterday i went out with that girl that she said that she likes me i know her only from last thursday but asked me out to study (actually we didnt study anything :P) but more then 3 people warned me about her they said that she is always with boys telling them that she likes them i dont have clue yet but what should i do? do we continue going out or i just leave her alone? helpinhelper says:   Keep going out, don't believe what your friends say. She might tell all the boys that, but if she says "yes" to being your girlfriend, then I'm sure she'll stop. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 26, 2007 question asks:   this seems like kind of a silly question but how do you take off mascara?? cuz i dont like to wear it cuz i tend to cry a lot. and then the mascara runs. or i often accidently rub my eyes. so when i realize that im tearing or i've wiped my eyes, i run to the bathroom to take it off, but then my eyes become poofy, and black. so is there a decent way to take it off?? like i was thinking about doing it with a q-tip. helpinhelper says:   3 options: 1) Get Waterproof Mascara. Yes, there is such a thing. 2) Don't wear Mascara. You don't need Mascara to look good. 3) Don't cry! Be happy :-D Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 26, 2007 ?? asks:   how do you kno when yuh are really in love?? do you think you can fall in love with a person within a month?? helpinhelper says:   WHY do you need to know if you're in love or not? Are you planning on getting married in the next month? Seriously, if you're dating someone, and you have a "good feeling" and a romantic attraction, why does it matter if it's love or not? You don't need to decide. It's just something you know. And yes, you can fall in love with a person in a month or less. Hope this helps Topic:   Drugs Date: October 25, 2007 sex_babe18 asks:   she is only 13 and she has already been in jail! and all of us really care about her!!she smokes every at skool in yards, ect. how can we tell her to stop in a way that she will listen helpinhelper says:   You can't. There are some things you just have to learn for yourself. She's 13, and her life is already going down the drain. Sometimes you have to accept that you are simply powerless. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: October 25, 2007 btylermargison asks:   I'm 17, a senior at high school, and I usually have a lot of friends around me, right? Well, I've always had, like, that one friend that treated me badly, like they were better than me. In contrast, as of recently, my best friend of 12 years was kind of in that position, with me. I would treat him DOWN, but we had the relationship where we could joke with each other and stuff. Well, recently, he got a new girlfriend, and he's become a completely different person. I mean, he is getting all confident, and starting to act like he's better than me, which really upsets me. I had that bit of security, you know, and he completely changes and starts treating me like I'm nothing. So, as of today [Thursday], I will have been three weeks without a cigarette, after having smoked for around three years. I'm okay, I'm on medication, but I've been really bitter. Could this have something to do with it? The bad thing is, my best friend of 12 years and his girlfriend were my closest friends, and now, they both treat me horribly, so I told them I don't need them, especially because they're both liars and hypocrites, to be blunt. What do I do? Forgive or just forget? Because I graduate mid-term, in the winter, and then I probably can never see them again. Maybe I just needed to vent and get this out, but any advice would be nice. By the way, there are a lot of other factors that are applying to this stress right now, I just don't really have the time nor the energy to put them into words right now. A CD release, a girl from Minnesota, and college. DAH. Thanks for your help. b.Tm helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you need to stop being so critical of people. I'll bet that if you have two friends who both act "like they are better than you," then you either allow them to treat you that way, or you're seeing something that ISNT THERE I really doubt that both of your friends are like that. I doubt that someone like that could get a girlfriend, too. I doubt that they're constantly lying or being hypocritical. And I doubt that it shouldn't matter to you. Friendships aren't based on how good or how bad of a person they are - they're based on enjoying each other's company, trust, respect, and having fun in non-romantic ways. These friends, they might not be the best, but they're what you've got. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 24, 2007 oh no! asks:   ok.Theres this guy and we have been on and off again for a while.we just broke up about a month ago but we still talk.he lives like 45mins away and we go to different schools.i think i still like him and he acts like he still likes me.hes always telling me he still loves me and i have no idea what to do. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, get over him. He's an ex. You two broke up for a reason - you should not get back together. Breaking up is an absolute indicator that it was NOT meant to be, ever. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 23, 2007 unxpectedlove asks:   Hi I'm 14 and I have just got my first boyfriend. i've never had my first kiss and I'm really nervous that he'll go off me and like someone else, but i've tried telling myself that if he was looking for someone else he wouldn't have said he'd go out with me. We text eachother loads, and we've been going out for less than 5 days but we want to do something soon and I have no idea what to do. A movie makes it seem like I don't want to make conversation (which i do) and coffee seems really short, and it will take him ages to get to my local shopping centre, and won't be worth the journey. I'm not sure about eating because i don't want to feel smelly, however stupid that sounds. I really want this to go well, but he's asked me if i want to do something, so i'm not even sure if it's a proper date. HELP! helpinhelper says:   If he's your boyfriend and your his girlfriend, whatever outing that is "just the two of you" is typically a date. And it doesn't need to be a "proper" date, either. And honestly, you know he likes you, and you like him, so you should relax more and not worry so much - you've already go the guy. I'd ask him to a movie, or ask him to hang out at your house. As for the "first kiss" - just relax. Don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll turn out great when it comes. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 23, 2007 OutaControl asks:   I left my gf to better herself, and i need her, but im too much of a jerk for her to come back to me, so i use my own health against her, which is wrong i know but i dont know any other way to get her to show she cares for me, I tried hanging myself, i passed out and woke in a daze, realized what i was doing and panicked, got outa my 'noose', stumbled into the house gasping for air crying my eyes out, and that onnly seemed to distant us, and now ive cut my stomach like a checker board and cut some words into it, i dunno why im doing this, i was never this way before we got together/broke up.. helpinhelper says:   ... Call a school counselor, tell your parents, see a psychologist, do something. Accept the fact that you need help. This girl is NOT healthy for you - she's driving you to try to kill yourself... You need help. Please, for your own sake, get some help. You used to be happy without this girl - I can guarantee you can be happy again. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 22, 2007 Cool_cat_in_love12345 asks:   Ok so i like this guy and he likes me back the only thing is i am afraid i will get hurt again i mean he asked me out and i didn't say yes or no he said he will wait cause if it's ment to happen it will the only thing is i have been hurt so manhy times in the past. I am afraid that he will be like all the others cause i wouldn't say that i was abused but just a year ago my bf took advantage of me and put his hand down my shirt and tried to do the same with my pants even when i told him to stop he wouldn't he almost left bruses on my wrist from me trying to stop him, it was effeced me a lot and then the new guy i liked asked me if i wanted to hang out at his house but his parents wouldn't be there. My mom won't let me go to someones house unless there is someone else there (even a girls house) and he said dam it that kind of worried me and i was woundering am i living in the past and need to get over whats happened in the past and just work on my future please someone help me i need to know before i make either the best or worst mistake helpinhelper says:   Hey! Sorry it took so long to get back to you. It's been a long week :( Anyways... It certainly sucks to have guys take advantage of you, and it is very emotionally scaring. What you have to realize is that you have been hurt and it still does hurt - and that it's not your fault, and that it's okay! You shouldn't blame yourself for still feeling emotional pain that some else has inflicted. However, not all guys are like that. A lot of guys, like me for example, are kind, polite, and treat women with a lot of respect. My advice to you: Tell this guy that you really like him but aren't ready to make a commitment yet. ENJOY DATING without the commitment, without the physical relationship, without the ties and possible drama. At some point, he will gain your trust or lose it forever, and then you will know if you should really be going out with this guy or not. Also, make sure he knows your limits. If you make your limits very clear, he's not going to cross them. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 20, 2007 poofycat asks:   I am currently going out with John. But my ex wants to get back together and i said yes. How do i breakup with john without hurting his feelings? My ex also wants me to makeout with him! Should I? helpinhelper says:   You should not have gotten back together with an ex, but whatever, it's your life. Tell John that you want to be with someone else. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 19, 2007 ireallylikehim asks:   ok, theres this boy who lives down at the end of my street(well hes really just three houses down)and i like him alot. i know he likes me two, because his friends say so when we walk by them. i am not gonna ask him out because I think its wrong for a girl to ask a guy out. How do i get him to ask me out, cuz hes to shy to. can i make myself more appealing, or play hard to get? plz tell me what to do!!! helpinhelper says:   You can't. It's not wrong for a girl to ask a guy out. You should try it. If you want something, YOU have to go and get it - you can't wait for it to come to you. Same goes for guys. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 17, 2007 make out asks:   ok so here is my problem i dn't know how to makeout yet i nevr makeout with a guy be4 so how do u make out my friwnd said u spell ur name in there mouth helpinhelper says:   ... lol. No, you don't spell your name in their mouth. That's ridiculous and will make it very slobbery / weird. It'll sound stupid, but just do what comes naturally. Making out is basically "lots of kissing." Really though, don't worry about it. It takes practice to get good at kissing and making out, and to practice, you need experience. What you need to know before-hand is that it's as simple as "do what comes naturally." Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 17, 2007 Glass half empty asks:   Well here it goes. Im 17, last year in high school. I am so sick of the way my life has been going. I mean I have friends and everything but sometimes i feel lost and alone. I guess i just want to find someone to love, i guess i feel that what life is all about. Findging someone you just cant get enough of. But i feel as if i have wasted all my years. I mean im not skinny and i think that it has gotten in the way of so much. I have less self esteem and so i get shy when it comes to meeting people. Its like this total vicious cirlce. Im just tired of living this less than satisfactory life. I just ready to change. I just dont know what i can do. I guess the weight is an issue i need to change for sure. But what else can i do to get the most out of my life? helpinhelper says:   Stop thinking that "love is the answer" because it really isn't. You can't love someone else until you love yourself - how could you expect someone to love you when you don't even love you? Starting having more fun with your friends - don't worry about finding a partner or whatever. If you want to lose weight then go for it. Remember this: All changes you want to make to yourself require self-discipline. You have to continuously put yourself to tests in order to change. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 15, 2007 cutebutnot asks:   My best guy friend promised me to takeme to my senior and junior year prom. This is this year. My problem is this, he doesn't like the music we like and i am a chicken when it comes to being around him. I hate to dance the way i do around him, its embarassing. I am also scared to dance with him. I am also realy afraid to talk to him about it cause i need to figure money out. I am also really afraid to wear a dress in front of him because of my weight, which i am trying to lose. How can i get over my fears of talking to him about prom, wearing a dress infront of him,danceing infront of him and asking him to dance with me? and How do i figure out ways for him to like the music i like? helpinhelper says:   I'll be honest - it might be an awkward prom. There's really no way around it. However, you should go anyways. Remember that you're just going as FRIENDS, thus it doesn't have to be perfect or romantic. Just go, have a good time, quit worrying so much. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 15, 2007 Singincaligirl asks:   Ok, so i like this guy in my class and my friend likes him too. The thing is, he likes me and not my friend. But i feel bad for her because she had really low esteem so i try to convince her that he really likes her. There's rumors that he's gunna ask me out, i really wanna go out with him but i'm afraid it my get in between me and my friend's friendship. what should i do???? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I'd go out with the guy. Your friend might be pissed for a while, but if she's a true friend, she won't let a guy destroy your friendship. Plus, there are a lot of friends out there - you could become friends with almost anybody! But how many people could you say you wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend with? A lot fewer. I'd take the guy. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 14, 2007 djfellowship asks:   I found out yesterday that my girlfriend smokes. I live in Orlando, fl and she lives in Miami, fl. She told me she only smokes when she is cold. I don't normaly date girls who smoke but I really love my girlfriend. I don't like the idea of her smoking even if it is only when she is cold. I am not sure if I should tell her I am a little uncomfortable about her smoking. I don't want to sound like a controling boyfriend. Should I be honest with her or should I just not tell her? helpinhelper says:   I would tell her. Smoking is a BIG DEAL for a lot of couples, and it is a big deal for you. Personally, I could NEVER date a girl who smokes. A lot of people are the same. Tell her sooner rather than later. Oh, and you can also tell her that smoking does not actually make you warmer but colder - constricts blood vessels. It's all in her head any warm feeling she gets. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 11, 2007 hannahbanana asks:   I have a big crush on this one guy in my class but i dont know how i can get him to notice me because im to scared to say anything to him because i dont think he likes me. helpinhelper says:   He can't like you if he doesn't know you... "Hello" is a good place to start. He doesn't have to like you in-that-way just to hold a conversation. I mean, I talk to girls all the time, but I don't romantically like them, I'm just holding a conversation. Also, nothing'll happen if you don't make a move. A lot of people drill the idea that people start dating because "they both like each other" - no. Typically, you have to work at it and GET them interested - they're typically not interested right off the bat. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 09, 2007 ezigget asks:   I'm a freshman in high school, and our homecoming dance is next weekend. Theres also this girl i sit next 2 in english who i think definitely likes me and i think i might b startin 2 like her. Today she asked me if I was gonna go 2 homecoming (not with her, jst if i was gonna go at all) and when i said maybe she looked sad, but when i said actually yeah i'll prolly go she was happy again. Im prolly gonna ask her 2 it, but i have no clue what to do. I've nvr had a gf, nvr gone to a dance, or anything. What do I wear, do, etc? Plz help! helpinhelper says:   My advice: Ask her to go with you! Not having a girlfriend doesn't mean anything. It's just a dance. It's not like you're asking her to marry you or anything. You're not even asking for a commitment for after the dance. It's just a date - not as huge of a deal as you're making it out to be. Dances are a lot of fun, and really, it's not like you have to "plan" anything. EVERYONE can dance (even if you want to try to say "But I can't dance" - yes you can.) Just dance with her, dance with friends, etc. As for what to wear, homecoming is kinda dressy / casual. Most homecomings, guys'll wear slacks or nice pants, nice shoes, a button-up collared shirt, and a tie. Don't wear a suit, and REALLY, Do NOT wear a tuxedo. Girls get more dressed up for homecoming than guys do, so don't be surprised if she's in a dress. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 08, 2007 glamorouspunk asks:   my ex dumped me after nine months of being with me. i lost my virginity to him and we were going to get married. when he dumped me he hit me and watched as his family threatened me. now i have feelings for someone else but there is an age difference and i am scared to fall in love again. so what should i do. helpinhelper says:   Take it slow. Just because you had sex for the first time with this other guy doesn't mean you have to "plan on it" with this new guy. Just take it slow - start with a few dates, kiss whenever you're ready. Eventually you'll trust him and you can do what comes naturally. But you have to take it slow since building up trust with the new guy will be harder. If you're already starting to date this new guy, you should tell him about how you feel. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 08, 2007 feelingbad asks:   There's some people I don't like, others I dislike but there's 3 that I really, really hate. I have a good reason cos they've hurt me really bad (on purpose) and they've treated me like shit but I still feel bad about it. How can I stop hating them so much? helpinhelper says:   Really, not-hating people is part of your personality. It's part of your mentality. It's not much you can avoid or just "flip a switch" and get over. The best piece of advice I can give you is try to get rid of old grudges. Don't ever hold a grudge, because that really just makes things worse off. If someone hurts you, even if it's on purpose, there's nothing you can do, and hating them for it doesn't help anyone, so why do it? Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 08, 2007 sassy_but_sweet asks:   k i need help.. please. when i was little things happened to me.. now that im older things changed i have a bf. and i love him alot. but i dont think he loves me bak.. he only wansts me for sex. i dont wanna leave him cause i dont wanna lose him.. please help me! ive been with him for over a year now and suddenly he starts demanding it. i told him how i felt. ive did everything we did break up a couple of times and then got back together. ive told someone i trusted and everything. i left him yesterday and then got back today.. help me helpinhelper says:   Sex changes a relationship. You took the risk of it changing for the worse when you made the decision to have it with him. What's sad though is that this is your problem, not his. HELLO - He's DATING you and has been dating you for over a year now! If he didn't want to be with you, why would he be your boyfriend? If he only wanted you for sex, then why would he give you the commitment? This is really ridiculous. Yes, sex is a big part of a relationship, but it's stupid that you would think "Oh, he's a guy, he must just want me for sex, he doesn't really love me." grow up. If you really don't feel like he loves you, talk to him about it. But make sure it's not just you being insecure. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 07, 2007 Missin_Him_4ever asks:   I've been having a hard time dealing with my friend being in prison. He's been in there since May 2007. Recently I heard that he has been trading one of his meals when he wants to write me a letter. The first letter that I sent him I told him how I sort of felt about what he had done to end up there. I still feel hurt from what he did and I want to exspress my feelings that I have now to him. But I don't know how exactly to express my feelings. So how can I express the feelings that I have in a letter to him? helpinhelper says:   Sorry, I can't help you. They aren't my emotions, there yours. It's sad that we have to degrade real emotions down to simple words, but it's the only way to do it in writing. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 07, 2007 sierraxclaws asks:   My friend Morgan, whom WAS my bestfriend until a few weeks ago, has been backstabbing me. It's strange. We weren't friends lastyear because she never seemed to be like she's understand me. I guess that's why we aren't really good friends now. Now, on to what happened. Right after school started, me and my ex-boyfriend Tyler got back together. I THOUGHT I loved him. Now, I think I was wrong about that. He hurt my heart, my ego, and my mind. He did everything possible to hurt me. Physical hurting, also. 2 weeks ago we broke up in 4th period Math. It was tragic, I cried for 3 days straight. Until I realized I didn't need him. Little did I know, Morgan was his new girlfriend. I read notes from him to my friends saying that he didn't love me. That I was just another girl. Now that we're not together, and not friends, I realize I don't need him, at all. He's simply one of my many boyfriends I've had. But still, I can't believe my friend would do that. That's simply not right. I need help, or something. Something to tell me what I should do to erase all these images of my friend, and my ex-boyfriend. helpinhelper says:   All is fair in love and war? It's funny that you'd say she backstabbed you. You're blaming your failure with Tyler on her - SHE'S the one who did it all. SHE'S the one who "stole him." That's immature and completely incorrect. He left you. HE, TYLER, wasn't loyal or credible, not your friend. HE was the one hitting on her. HE was the one who ruined it all. So stop blaming it on Morgan - she's not the one who caused the problem. The breakup was inevitable, and as you said, you don't love him. He is a terrible guy, and you're being blinded to that by your hatred for someone who used to be a friend. He physically hurt you - is that the kind of guy you want to date? Personally, even if you did see Morgan as "stealing" him, I'd be happy. She got you out of a bad situation. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: October 07, 2007 babylover19 asks:   Hi. For the last few months I've been feeling depressed. I've been feeling is if none of my friends want to continue talking to me. I've also been locked up in my house for months not being able to go out or get a job or get into school. In order for me to go out, I need money to pay for my special transpertation service that takes me out to places that I want to go to. But I don't have money to do that so I have no other choice but to stay home everyday. I'm tired of doing the same things over and over again. All day everyday I do nothing but talk on the phone, chat online, and watch tv. And as I've said before, I'm sick and tired of doing that. My friends are all going to school and they all have a job so whenever they want to go out and hang out with their friends they could do that. Being blind really sucks. I'm unable to do things that normal sighted people are able to do and it makes me feel really depressed. Most of my friends don't even call me anymore to say hi and to see how I'm doing wich makes me feel even more depressed. I feel as if I'm not wanted or uncared for.A lot of my friends are giving me attitude wich makes me think and feel as if i did something wrong. Some of them hang up in my face or call other people on three way and completely forget about me. I've tried talking to some of them about this issue but they seem not to care. I just don't know what to do. I have very little friends and I don't want to lose them because I love them very much. My one and only friend that I've known ever sinse we were in pre school moved up to Tallahassee for school in June. Before she moved up there, wee used to go to each others house and hang out for hours. We've slept over each others house and stuff as well. Me and her are like brother and sister. But now that she's gone I have no where else to go. I want to go up to Tallahassee and visit her for a week or so but again, I have no money. I'm just so depressed and lonely right now. What can I do to get out of this depression and to stay out of it? helpinhelper says:   Well, the first thing you should know about depression is that it's extremely hard / impossible to get out of alone. And even when you hear stories about people being happy again, typically it was someone else's doing. And a lot of times, that person can be a psychologist, but if you're running short on money, then that could be rough. My advice: Try getting an at-home job first. If that doesn't work, get a job elsewhere. Yes, you'll have to pay for your transportation - it's never free. But ideally, those costs are paid for by a new job. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 05, 2007 GOSHDUDE asks:   WELL...I HAVE DECIDED THAT IM FED UP WIT THESE GIRLS....THEY ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING THAT GUYS ARE ALWAYS CHEATING, AND PLAYING...BUT WHY DONT THEY TAKE ME FOR ME. IM NOT A PLAYER... DONT CHEAT...AND I ACTUALLY WANT TO BE IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP..YET I CANT KEEP A GIRLFRIEND FOR LONGER THAN A FEW DAYS...SEEMS LIKE IM JUS NOT CUT OUT FOR THE DATING GAME..WHAT SHOULD I DO? helpinhelper says:   It's a stereotype that a lot of girls create to blame their problems on someone else... Essentially, it's a mechanism to avoid responsibility - "It's always the guys fault that relationships don't work. All guys want sex." When in reality, they bring their own problems, and they're the ones who give into sex. They're just transferring blame. But honestly, no girl truly believes it. If you can show yourself to be a good guy, don't let them convince you otherwise. Hoep this helps Topic:   General Date: October 03, 2007 sheissoconfused asks:   so i really like this guy but i'm too afraid to ask him to my birthday and i hate rejections. we do stuff together and he always makes my have butterflies inside me. and i dont know what to do helpinhelper says:   You're never going to get anywhere unless you talk to him, which is all you really need to do. Just try TALKING, you don't have to kiss him or something, and even if he doesn't like you in that way, he'll still talk. But if he does like you in that way, if you don't talk, he's never going to act on it. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 02, 2007 MyMarina1 asks:   My daughter is a freshman this year in a public high school. She had always attended a small private school. All of her close friends now attend the same school with her. My daughter has decided to play only one sport this year, whereas her friends play 2-3 sports. It seems that the more sports you are in, the more friends you have. I'm worried that she may be distancing herself from her friends if she participates in less activities, or that she may not be as "in with them" as she always has. She could care less, she's independent, confident & has good self esteem. Should I be worried that she may be less included by her friends if she is less involved in sports? helpinhelper says:   This is ridiculous. No, you shouldn't be. Sports does not equal friends. How many friends you have depends on what kind of person you are and how you choose to make them. A lot of people like a lot of friends, and a lot of people only like having 3-4 close friends - nothing wrong either way. Also, in highschool, there are a LOT more activities and options than just sports, and there are a LOT of people who don't play sports at all. Join the robotics team or something - I'm a freshman in college and met my closest group of friends freshman year in high-school, all of them on my robotics team. OF course, that's just one example. There's also theater, dancing - there are so many things I can't name them all. Extracuriculars are important for social stuff and college resume building too, but they're not the ONLY thing for friends. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 02, 2007 thatgurl09 asks:   i have homecoming on the 13 and i really want to go with this Kidd that i have liked for a year and i don't know really how to ask him. we hang out all the time everyday and we have the same job at the same place. he said that he had some feelings for me but we don't really bring up the subject of relationships and things that go along with it. should i ask him and if i should how. i mean what if he rejects me. i hang out with him EVERYDAY.. helpinhelper says:   He won't reject you, trust me. It's just a dance. You're acting like it's asking him to be your boyfriend, and it's not. It's just a dance. You really should ask him, and it's very simple: Just when you say "Hey (insert name here), I've got homecoming in about 2 weeks and I was wondering if you'd want to be my date?" He'll say yes, trust me. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 01, 2007 GOSHDUDE asks:   WELL..I HAVE A PROBLEM....I AM SINGLE AGAIN...BUT WENEVER I ASK A GIRL OUT...THEY TELL ME THAT THEY ONLY SEE ME AS A FRIEND. I GET REALLY UPSET WEN THEY TELL ME THAT..BECAUSE I KNO ITS JUS A LIE TO BLOW ME OFF...I WUD RATHER A GIRL BE BLUNT AND TRUTHFUL WITH ME. BUT ANYWAYS..I DONT KNOW WHY, BUT THEY JUS KEEP TELLIN ME THAT...IS IT SOMETHING THAT IM PUTTING OUT THERE, THAT MAKES ME SEEM LIKE THE TYPE OF GUY THAT WANTS TO BE JUST FRIENDS. AND ANOTHER THING...IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH A GIRL WHO TELLS ME THAT SHE ONLY WANTS TO BE FRIENDS?.. helpinhelper says:   First, being single isn't a "problem," and if you approach dating girls as "problem solving," then you'll find yourself single almost all of the time. And I don't get it, you want them to be blunt, but dude, that's pretty blunt. "I only see you as a friend, not in the romantic way." How much more blunt can they get? And yeah, it's wrong to just toss out a friendship because you're being selfish. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: September 30, 2007 djfellowship asks:   My girlfriend bumbed into a guy she knew from 1st or 2nd grade that she has not seen since that grade. She got his phone number and she said she was going to call him tonight. I don't really want her to calll him because I don't trust him. I trust my girlfriend. I am not sure if I should tell her or not. Should I be honest with her or not? helpinhelper says:   That's stupid. Dude, she's catching up with a pre-school friend. You need to get used to her talking to other guys on the phone. It happens. Stop being insecure in your own relationship. She's dating you, dude. If you make it seem like she can't have guy friends, then she'll eventually leave you just to have some friends. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: September 29, 2007 NATY asks:   SO I LIKE THIS GUY RIGHT? I'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON HIM, FOR LIKE ALMOST 5 MONTHS NOW...WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS HOT, WHEN I FIRST SAW HIM. HE'S IS REALLY FUN TO BE AROUND, AND WE MAKE OUT AND STUFF, BUT I'M NOT TURNING 18 UNTIL NOV....AND, HE LEAVES RIGHT BEFORE THEN. HE IS LEAVING FROM SCHOOL, BACK TO HIS HOME, AND WE WILL STILL KEEP IN TOUCH, AND I TOLD HIM, THAT I WOULD WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM, BUT HE SAYS,NOT IF I'M STILL 17. HE ALSO SAYS, THAT I SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL, HE'S EVEN KISSING ME, AND GIVING ME HICKIES, WHEN I AM A MINOR. WELL, I KNOW HE SOMEWHAT LIKES ME, BUT I FEEL SO CONFUSED. HE IS LEAVING SOON, AND WE'LL PROBABLY JUST TALK BY THE COMPUTER, BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT. I LOVE HIM, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET HIM GO. HE IS A REAL SWEETHEART. AND I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM. I DON'T KNOW!!! helpinhelper says:   Well, here's the reality: He's leaving. Hickies aren't "special" by the way, don't let him "brand" you like that. It's so ancient... Anyways, my advice is get over him. He's leaving and having fun with you before he does. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: September 28, 2007 mysterious asks:   can you catch stis by getting fingered or wanking a boy off? helpinhelper says:   Yes and no. The chance is low, and it depends on which Sexual Transmitted Infection you're talking about. However, as I said, the chance is very very low. If you are concerned about it, you should go see a doctor. The other thing I'll say is that you should get tested anyways. If you're in a relationship and getting fingered or giving handjobs, chances are eating-out and blowjobs are right around the corner, and the chances of catching an S.T.I. in those situations is significantly higher. Think about where your situation is going, and react accordingly. Sexual-transmitted stuff is generally transmitted only through fluids or "weak" areas (hands, genitals, mouth - places where viruses or germs typically "enter" the body). Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: September 27, 2007 GOSHDUDE asks:   WELL....U WERE RIGHT ABOUT ME LIKING ONE GIRL AND DATING ANOTHER. AND I MADE MY CHOICE. I CHOSE MY GIRLFRIEND. BUT THERE IS ANOTHER OBSTACLE. IM IN AN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP. AND MY GIRLFRIEND'S FATHER IS KINDA RACIST. SHE TOLD ME THAT HE DOESNT LIKE ANY PERSON OF THE AFRO-AMERICAN ETHNICITY. AND WHENEVER WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER SHE IS ALWAYS SO TENSE AND TIMID BECAUSE SHE THINKS THAT HER FATHER WILL SHOW UP..AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. SHOULD I TRY AND MAKE THINGS WORK OR SHOULD I BREAK IT OFF?..AND THANX BY THE WAY FOR THE OTHER ADVICE...THIS ACTUALLY HELPED. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, just ignore her father. You've probably already figured out that raciscm comes from stupidity and ignorance. Does it really matter of some stupid asshole doesn't like you? No. Of course, that's severely oversimplifying the situation since he is her father and it does kinda matter what he thinks since he can decide if she can go out or not (run-on sentance, sorry). My advice is try to ask her to go and do more private and less public things, like going to see a movie, or just hanging out at your house - places she can't be nervous. My other bit of advice: Make sure that's the real reason she's tense. You could be assuming that she's really tense because of her father, when in reality, it could be something completely different. If you notice her really stressed or tense, make sure you ask about it and not assume. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: September 27, 2007 999999999999999999 asks:   Ummm... Ok me and my boyfriend have been going out for three months. Things have been going really slow. And well he asked about my friend's name 3 times and my friend (the girl's name he asked) said how do u know he's not cheating on you. I don't know and the thing is I get the feeling he is. I've hugged him (once) and we say I love you all of the time...but we never kissed. So what should I do. It would be my first kiss and I've accidently told my friends that I already had my first kiss....what should I do???????? helpinhelper says:   You could talk to him about it? Seriously, this is probably your first relationship ever, and what you should learn now is that relationships fail because you don't communicate. If you have a problem or a concern, even if you think it's stupid, you should talk to him about it. Ask him: "Why don't we ever do anything physical?" or "Someone kept on hinting you might be cheating." Also, you're expecting him to do everything. why don't you try actually kissing him? Or hugging him? Why are you leaving it to him to ask you out and such? There's nothing to be really afraid of - you already know he WANTS to kiss you, but just hasn't yet. So be excited! not scared. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: September 27, 2007 jdcoke asks:   hi guys im 19 male and my question is.. ive just been dumped and im really hurting but coping ok the thing is when i was in the relationship i was being used i treated my girlfriend the best i could basicily i was rapped around her finger i was blind to this wen i was in the relationship i forgave her everytime she cheated and loved her from the bottom of my heart the thing is since she broke up i realised how i was treated and feel terrible but i still love her so much now shes wanting to be good mates but i found ou shes been slagging me off bout how i was so stupid to take her back and treated her so well im really hurt and dont know why this is hapening to me?? i never done anything wrong to her all the time we were together yet i blame myself how do i get over this and is it a good idea for us to be mates i dont want her back but i still care and love her im really confused!! helpinhelper says:   Seriously, you need to cut her out of your life. She's not good for you man - EVEN SHE KNOWS THAT! She's treating you like complete shit, and using you for whatever's convient. If she wants a friend, she'll make you her friend. If she wants a boyfriend, that's what you'll be. If she wants a boyfriend that cheats, you can be that too. Get some control. Love isn't enough, especially when the person you love is doing terrible things like cheating and being dishonest. People make love out to be the "number one thing in the whole world," but in reality, it's not. You have to value your own happiness and your own life, and love doesn't have to exist for those things to be there. So really, just cut her out. Tell her flat out "Look, I can't see you anymore. I haven't gotten over you yet, and I know that I need to. So please, stop calling me, stop talking to me, stop everything." Get her out of your phone, stop answering her calls, block her on instant messanger, remove her as a freidn on facebook/myspace, get rid of the pictures - get her completely out of your life. If you start thinking about her, find something to do to get your mind off. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: September 27, 2007 GOSHDUDE asks:   WELL....I GOT A GIRLFRIEND...BUT I LIKE ANOTHER GIRL. DONT GET ME WRONG, I LIKE MY GIRLFRIEND A LOT, BUT THIS OTHER GIRL CAUGHT MY EYE BEFORE MY GIRLFRIEND DID. AND A FEW DAYS AGO AS A MATTER OF FACT TWO DAYS AGO SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WANTED TO BE JUST FRIENDS...SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS TELLIN ME THIS BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAD ME ON. BUT THE FACT IS SHE DID LEAD ME ON FOR THE TWO WEEKS THAT SHE LET ME BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN US. SHOULD I BE UPSET AND ANGRY AT HER? OR SHOULD I BE ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN? helpinhelper says:   You should be angry at yourself for letting this happen... C'mon dude, you liked another girl and yet you still asked your girlfriend out... That's not cool. If you like more than one person, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: September 26, 2007 iim so lonely asks:   well how can ii put this ii was goin out with this boy for a week and ii felt that something was wrong with him so ii asked him do you really want to be with me and he said dat he couldnt lie to me anymore that he was not the guy fa me and ii was been so nice he couldnt lie anymore so he told me that he had a girlfriend that's why he never came to see me and he didnt wanna use me and ii was so hurt.. he said him and his girlfriend stop speaking so he decided to do him and seen me so he started talkin to me but why did he have to ask me out?? then at the end of it all he told me he was so sorry he regrets it all and that he loves me and when he said that it confused me.. because if he loved me he would of never did that to me.. he also said ii should be happy because he didnt fuck me and then leave me.. so iim hurt.. what do you think do you think he really loves me?? HELP ME PLZ helpinhelper says:   Of course he does NOT love you... Psh, he's just trying to play the game, and he got caught. He's dating multiple people. When you really love someone, you date them and ONLY them, and you're completely honest with them. He's not being like that with you. Look at what he's saying "You should be happy that I didn't get in your pants." - How is that a sign of love? If he loved you, sex would have been special, but he's saying that you would have just been his pleasure-toy... get over him. Seriously. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: September 25, 2007 pooter asks:   ok so i have liked this guy all summer and we always flirt and he is always all over me he is everything i want in a guy sweet in his own way and he cares 4 me alot but a week ago he tol a friend of mine that he was just tryin to get in my pants but he told me thathe cant have a one night stand b/c he will fall 4 the gurl...but i cant seem to get him out of my mind i dont know what to do help me helpinhelper says:   Get over him. He was looking for a one night-stand... it's as simple as that. Sorry, but he decieved you - be lucky that he didn't actually suceed at his real purpose... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: September 25, 2007 lol asks:   ii want to have sex wif mii bf but ii want him to wait and yes he is willin to wait. fah mii but ii dnt wanna rush it nd ii want tah person to be special so i wanna make him wait.. should ii do it now or wait a little longer cuz ii think ii love him but.. its onlii been a week already nd ii dnt think ii kan wait any longer.. helpinhelper says:   This is ridiculous.... First, please, type next time. dont talk about the bf u waitin fah in bad grammar or spelling when you want some serious advice. Honestly, sex is how you make it out to be. If you want it to be special, and you think waiting is a way to do it, then wait. If you think you are ready, and he's ready, and your relationship is ready, then go for it. Just remember these two things though: - 1) 3 things should be ready before you have sex. You, your partner, and your RELATIONSHIP. Which means just because you and your partner are ready to have sex, that doesn't mean your relationship is ready. I mean, I could be ready to have sex with a girl, but if I haven't even kissed her yet, I doubt I should be, even if she wants to too... Otherwise, if your relationship isn't ready to take that step, it'll crumble. - 2) Remember your first time. You might be a virgin, I dunno, but I doubt it. Remember this though: your first time was probably very special, but what made it special? There are a lot of reasons it was special OTHER than the fact that it was your first time. Would those same reasons exist with this guy? Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: September 25, 2007 ..... asks:   ii love my boyfriend nd he sayz he loves me and that he's been lookin for mi all along becuz he been hurt alot and ii dnt wanna be the girl he gets revenge on and breaks my heart so lik wat do ii suppose to think yuh kno he treats lik a queen and he sayz he loves everything about mi.. am ii gettin played??? helpinhelper says:   I doubt it.. C'mon, you can't just be paranoid about "is he playing me?" all the time. He asked you out didn't he? He made the commitment... Guys aren't going to seek out a girl to break their heart just so they get revenge... They're just not like that. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 23, 2007 lonely asks:   My school is having a dance for the end of the year. I dont know who to ask because it seems like no one likes me anymore. Wat to do. mtaka lonely helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you don't need someone to go with you to the dance... You can go alone. tons of people do. You don't need a date or a boyfriend/girlfriend to have fun. Go with your friends! Have a good time with them! Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 23, 2007 ryansanderson asks:   hi ok my best friend is a girl and we used to date but were just friends now and weve been friends for 9 years 1 month till its 10 years anyways what im saying is shes like a little sister to me so i care about her and dont want her to get hurt but we've never let anything between us and now shes dating this new guy and hes 3 years older then her, i think hes cheating on her but i dont know, because his ex sleeps at his house but he says they dont do anything, and he keeps trying to sleep with my friend so i tell her to stay true to herself because she thinks he loves her and wants to please him but i think hes gunna hurt her but i dont know what to do because she wont talk to me cause i told her i think hes cheating but all she said was your just jelouse and ever since that she wont talk to me what can i do??????? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, it's her love life, so you need to stay out of it. The "Friends" world and "Romance/Dating" world need to be kept seperately. By invading her dating life, you'd be invading a part of her life that she doesn't really want you part of. You might think she does when she starts telling you about him, but you're not PART of that world, you're just hearing about it. Learn where the lines are, and learn what lines you should not cross. You care about her a lot, and I understand that, but part of growing up and learning things involves getting hurt. You telling her won't make it any less painful than her finding out on her own. Her finding out on her own that this guy is a bad one is the only way for her to be 100% sure and for her to learn a good lesson. You telling her will save her this time, but what about the next time? Or all the times after that? You can't save her forever. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 23, 2007 shyme. asks:   hi . well im 14 years old, and im VERY shy, except with people im close with, or just really comforatable with. i have a boyfriend who is also really shy. and i'd like to know ways in which i could get out of my shell, so it isn't as awkward with my boyfriend. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the best way you can do it is PRACTICE. Unfortunatly, it's hard to practice with a guy who's also shy... So try talking with people who you don't really know. Force yourself to talk to them, try to make conversation. Just TRY to talk about things. It might be awkward at first, but no one's perfect when they just start to practice things... Conversations are just the same. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 22, 2007 college90 asks:   Hey I've liked this girl now since starting college 8 months ago. We are really close friends and go everywhere together. However the other night at a college party we both got so drunk that she ended up all over and snogging some guy who she wouldn't normally go for. The next day she regretted doing it and had little memory of what happened. At the time it hurt so much that my anger reached a peak with me wanting to protect her knowing that she is not like this but being withheld from my friends. However being stopped just resulted in me going down hill and i toppled completely down into tears. I would never normally do this and now everyones asking what happened. She was by my side when this happened and snapped me out of it tears by speaking to me. What do i tell her about the reason for breaking down, the reason sounds so pathetic and has never happened to me in a crowd before? Do i move on (which would be difficult) or do i keep trying? Im so confused... helpinhelper says:   You've liked her for this long? Chances are she has a thing for you too. Have you ever tried being just a little romantic with her? Taking her out on a real date? I mean, you might as well try by flirting, taking her out just the two of you, have FUN. Try to be a little more intimate. You could try kissing her too... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 21, 2007 aae asks:   how do i get a boy to like me helpinhelper says:   You really can't. There's no way to make a boy to like you. If there were, imagine the chaos! The best thing you can do is take him on a date and just get to know him in a one on one situation. He'll be able to decide better if he likes you in a more intimate situation. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: April 21, 2007 iwannamove asks:   Things in my life aren't and haven't been going very well this past 6 months and next year i plan on moving out during the summer of '08. my mom thinks its okay as long as i have someplace to go, which i do, the thing is, is that it's with my bf. my friends think its a moronic idea because it's so far away. 1606 miles to be exact. The thing is is that im sick of everyone always relying on me, my dad is abusive and my friends dont know how to keep things to themselves. my school is full of shallow people. my bf said before this all happened that if i ever needed/wanted to i could move in with him which he still says. i want to but i dont know how people would react to it..he's almost 2 yrs older than i am.people think that this will be a major issue becuz he'll be 18 while im 16. what should i do about this? helpinhelper says:   Talk to a Counselor. Seriously, having an absolute desire to leave is NOT healthy. Just see if one of your school counselors can help. I bet they can. You don't have to tell anyone you'r egoing, you don't even need to explain it to your parents. Just talk to SOMEONE who can help. In the mean time, enjoy your year. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 19, 2007 meadlie asks:   ok so i have a girlfriend, we've been dating for a little over a month now. i really like her, a lot. but the thing is i never get to talk or hang out with her. one of the reasons is cuz her parents dont know we go out. but its been getting a lot worse lately, she answers my phone calls a lot less than usual and she never respopnds to the messages i send her on myspace. i dont know, it doesnt seem like shes trying at all or that she cares. its really getting to me, its the only thing i think about and it keeps me up at night. im thinking about telling her paretns but that might just cause more problem and maybe end up breaking us up. i really dont want our relationship to end, so can you please tell me what to do? helpinhelper says:   First, don't tell HER parents. They are HER parents, not yours. She should be the one to tell them. If you do that, it'll violate HER relationship with HER parents. However, her parents do need to know that you and her are going out - you can't keep it a secret forever. Try to talk to her about telling them. As for the rest, I'll bet you it's all in your head. Make sure you aren't harassing her, because that is a MAJOR turn off. I'll bet you're just being paranoid. If it's really bothering you, you can talk to her about that too... But I think you're just freaking out. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: April 18, 2007 HELP PLEASE!!! asks:   OK!!! so my best friend(guy)is in love with my other best friend(girl), and she doesnt love him...but i do..but i cant tell him because im grossly fat and ugly...can u help me??? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, if you're not ready to tell him that you love him, then don't tell him. It's really that simple. If he's in love with your best friend, there's really nothing you can do. It's not you being bad or good, it's just who he loves. You can't help who you fall in love with. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: April 12, 2007 Sahamarah asks:   Okay so I have this friend that tries to act like me and I want to ask her to stop and just be herself, but every time I try to bring up the way she acts she blows up at me. How do I get her to listen to how I see things and be herself without losing my best friend? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you really can't. If she's blowing you off a lot, just sit her down once and talk to her about it. Otherwise, there's nothing you can do. The key would be, of course, to TALK to her about it! Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: April 11, 2007 ruffridah89 asks:   Yea, I like her. Who, you may ask? This girl that I dont have in any of my classes. We rarely talk, and when we do have the opportunity, well, more of my opportunity, I don't speak to her much. She is always busy or just talks to some other people. I just met her like 2 months ago, and the first month we were really friendly. Now, she is just not talking to me much, but occasionally says hi here and there, and she always have a smile-dont get me wrong. I think she is being fake? And she is REALLY hard to figure out! I know that there is a possibility of us having something in the longrun, but I want to be a great friend to her. AND PLUS, how can I hang out with her when her parents are strict about the boy policy? Maybe this is a weird misconception of communication on my part. Please help! Thanks later, Danny helpinhelper says:   Honestly, try to establish some means of communication that doesn't rely so much on the situation. Like getting her number, or getting her screen name, or something close like that. otherwise, there really isn't much you can do, especially with her parents standing in the way. Eventually, they'll accept that their daughter is going to grow up and be with boys... Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: April 10, 2007 Hairy_Situation asks:   Well. I am very hairy, very very hairy. i mean HAIRY. the only places I can really say I DO NOT have hair are on my feet and my hands. Now uh....being a hairy girl is definatly NOT attractive. & its definatly stopping me from doing things that Id love to just be able to do. Such as: wear a cute bathing suite in the summer time. when my friends stay da night and we change into our PJ's, they all can get dressed in front of each other, but i CANT. and id just love to be able to be one of the GIRLS! I know that I am an attractive girl. but my hairyness really messes with my confidence a lot. The hair on my arms doesnt bother me at all, cuz its not much. and the hair on my legs i can always just shave, so its not much of a problem, and my underarms isnt either. But my problems are my bikini area, my stomach, my back, and my butt [yea ino, gross]. Now my main focus is my bikini area. Ive tried shaving but I get rasor bumbs and irritation. Ive tried to wax it on my own, but that was a disaster becuz I couldnt even finish and i got wax EVERYWHERE! IDK what else to do. Id like to try goin to get a bikini wax but Im only 15 and IDK if I can, I mean my mother would probably let me but....... CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME!!!?? LET ME KNOW SOMETHING??!! helpinhelper says:   I'd ask your mom. She can help you out a bit. The 2 things that I know work for a friend of mine are Lazer hair removal, which does actually work quite well, and professional waxxing. Either way though, it's going to cost money. Again, just ask your mom! I assure you that she was a teenager once, and if you're having this many problems (which are passed through genetics), I bet she had a few of them too. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: April 09, 2007 Lostinthewind asks:   On friday night my friends car was broken into. My purse was stolen. I cancelled all my important information. im not worried about that. I told my parents what have had occured. They told me to just forget and get over it. I know there is nothing I can do because it has already occured. At this point though I am afraid to walk in the dark, I'm afraid of teen agers, and of stangers ingeneral. I was wondering if you could give me advice on how to deal with all of this. Thanks so much helpinhelper says:   Typically people don't realize how much courage it takes to just walk out the door until they actually experience something to be afraid of. Honestly, I can't really help you much. If the problem persists after a month or so, you should tell your parents you need to see a psychologist. They can give you professional help. In the mean time, you essentially have to try to conquer your fear. When I was 14, my house was broken into with me and my 2 little brothers inside of it. I never wanted to sleep again. And every time I did try to sleep, I'd have to have every single door in the house locked, including my siblings' doors. It drove me insane. But what ended up happening was that I had to cling to the fact that most people are not bad people. Most people aren't the "best" people in the world and aren't always moral, but that doesn't make them bad people. Most people are just simply "OK." And that thought was comforting enough for me. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 08, 2007 XGF asks:   ok my bf of 6 months told his X he still loved her over an email that i accidently saw. he said on the email it was a problem cuz hes goin out with me. we keep argueing cuz he flirts with her and ignores me whenver they talk and i come by. it's like i'm not there if she is. then when he told me we should be friends i broke down and cried. we didn't brake up because he felt bad. now i'm afraid i love him more then he loves me. his X doesn't like him, in fact she has a BF but my BF is still trying to get back with her. i talked with her and my BF, not at the same time, and his X said she doesn't know how to tell him not to flirt with her, cuz he is overly-sensitive. alot of people tell me to dump him, but i still love him. is it normal for people to still love their X? even though they have a new GF? i asked him who he loves more and he told me he didn't know. i'm hurting alot and he can't see my pain cuz i turn it into anger. any advice will be cool. helpinhelper says:   Break up with this guy... C'mon. Who's causing the pain? Your boyfriend. Is that what boyfriend's are supposed to do? No. Look, I assure you, you probably don't love him. He's not a guy to love. He's going and cheating on you and wanting someone else and doing all sorts of shit that's making you feel bad. He's not "the one" because, to him, you're not "the one." If he truly loved you, there would be no question as to who he'd want to be with. Just get over him. There are a lot of other guys out there that will treat you right. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 08, 2007 blondey911 asks:   ok i am goin out with this guy and we have dated before. last time he sorta cheated on me over the internet and after a while he proved he wanted me and only me so we r back together. My dad doesnt really like him anymore bc of what he did last time and my dad doesnt know we r back together. we kind of have been sneaking around seeing eachother whenever we can and its really hard. My dad is starting to forgive him but somehow my boyfriend has to prove to my dad he has changed. We also just started making out the other day and i feel like im doin something wrong... is it wrong that im making out with him? we were in my aud. of my high school and in the town library where no one can see us is that a good idea? how can i convince my dad he changed? am i a bad person for wanting to make out with my boyfriend that i have known for 9 months? please help!!!!!! thanx a million. helpinhelper says:   You're not a bad person for wanting to make out with your boyfriend who cheated on you. However, I do think it's a bad decision to keep dating him. He cheated on you - and honestly, he probably HASN'T changed. Cheating is part of your personality. People cheat because they aren't getting satisfaction in their current relationship, and the reasons why are because they feel that their needs aren't being fully met. Changing what your person "needs" requires a full personality change. Some guys need a girl who will do sexual things a lot - some guys need a girl who loves romance - some guys need a girl who love to blare up rock and roll. Changing that takes a full personality change, and that's not easy to do, and it can't be done overnight. So personally, I don't think you should be with this guy. Two other things you asked about - You can't convince your dad he's changed, but what you can do is ask your dad to trust you. As long as you're not having sex with this guy or anything, your dad should let you go and make your own mistakes. - You shouldn't be making out at school. I know it's fun and all, but if you get caught, it can mean big trouble, even if it's just kissing. Hope this helps Topic:   School Date: April 08, 2007 Malari Monnet asks:   My 3rd period teacher is my favorite teacher and close friend. we talk all the time and I tell her everything. Thursday she said something that made me think she was mad at me. I tried to ask her about that and she said she wasnt mad at me. why would I think that? she told me to write her a note about it because i had a hard time saying it and we write notes about things to eachother all the time. I wrote the note and gave it to her before the end of school on thursday right before 6th period. The letter didnt say anything bad but during 6th period I changed my mind and decided I didn't want her to know how I felt. I saw her after school and said. "Mrs Herrera, please tell me you didnt read the letter" she said "oh, no I did. Don't worry. We'll talk Tomorrow" (on Friday.) In Class on Friday she didnt talk to me or even look at me. Only when she told me to "sit down please and stop talking Katelyn" which is a daily routiene. She did say that the letter was sweet but she had to do her job and to have a nice easter though but that was it. She didn't meet me in any of the places outside of class where we usually meet and talk which is wierd because of how oftin we meet. Before school, in class, after class, after 5th period, and after school. I was so upset i started crying because we are REALLY close and tell eachoher everything. what should I do when I see her on Monday? If I say I think shes avoiding me shes just going to say she wasnt. I feel like things will never be the same again like they were before the letter. I'm scared to talk to her now and if I do what am I supposed to say? helpinhelper says:   This is absolutely ridiculous. She is your TEACHER first and your friend SECOND. That's how it has to be. You're disappointed because she's not giving you special attention in class? If she started doing that, both of you would get a bad reputation. She'd be a teacher that played "favorites" - which is something that could threaten her employment. And you'd be known as a teacher's pet, and probably get nagged about it. When you're in class, you are a student, and she is a teacher. You are just like everyone else. So stop crying over not getting looked at during class - she looks at everyone equally. That's what her job tells her to do, and if she values it, she has to keep doing that. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: April 07, 2007 jill asks:   Hi me and my boyfreind were fooling around last night and I gave him a hand job whilst he was fingering me. When he ejaculated he didnt touch me after however he did touch himself when he hadnt ejactulated and then touched me, theres always pre-cum even though he says he was dry. Im not worried about STI's, is there a risk of pregnancy? Please respond. Jill x helpinhelper says:   No. Pre-cum, despite what people'll tell you, has no actual sperm inside of it. "Cum" isn't ALL sperm - it's a fluid with a sperm and other stuff mixed together. "Pre-cum" is just the other stuff. The only exception is if he were to cum, and then start up again and have pre without going to the bathroom. But once he goes to the bathroom, it'll all go out. So no, there's really 0 risk of pregnancy. It'd be the coming of the 2nd Christ, lol. On a side-note, you should talk to your parents about getting on birth control. I know you're not at sex yet, but I'll bet the thought has popped into your mind, and I'm almost certain it's gone into his too. A condom is nice, but it's very unreliable, and doesn't offer much protection. 99% effective right? So that means that 1 in every 100 will fail... So if you're having sex once every 3 days, you'll be pregnant within the year... The pill, on the other hand, is 99.9% effective... But it's different in that that means that 1 out of every 1,000 will fail. But that's per pack, so that means 1 out of every 1,000 MONTHS will work. Which means that if you were on the pill your entire life, you still probably wouldn't get pregnant. And if you're really worried about it, a condom+pill would work even better. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 06, 2007 slowly going insane asks:   My best friend is going out with my ex. It tears me apart, mostly because I still like my ex. And he still flirts with me, more than when we were actually going out. She says she's sorry, but I don't think I can forgive her, and that makes me super sad, too. I asked her why she went out with him a week after him and I broke up and all she said to me was 'I don't know'. Please. I really need a third opinion on this one. Wha should I do about this? helpinhelper says:   News flash: She doesn't need, and probably doesn't want your forgiveness. This is her love life. She does NOT need your approval to date a guy - any guy. This is YOUR problem, not hers. She hasn't betrayed you, she hasn't given you any reason to not trust her. You're the one making this out to be something worse than it actually is... My advice: Get over the guy, and stop being stupid. This guy is an EX. It didn't work out for you and him - maybe it'll work out for your friend and him. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: April 06, 2007 OUCH!! asks:   i kno this is supposed to be under "health" but alst time they didnt answer my question, so Im asking you this. I just expeirenced a sharp pain under my left brest. im only 13 and i had to take choppy breaths, otherwise it hurt a lot. the pain was very sharp, but lasted only about 1-2 minutes. It is NOT my left brest [[considering i dont have one, i am still flat]] but right underneath it. Any idea why this happened?? helpinhelper says:   No, but you should consult a doctor either way. It's probably nothing, but if it is something, only a doctor could properly diagnose you. It could be a gas bubble, or it could be serious. Again, see a doctor. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 05, 2007 Want some help asks:   OKay I think I might be pregnant. I'm only 16 and my boyfriend is 21. I should be starting my period by next week do you think if I dont start that I should wait a week after then take a pregnancy test or should I take one now. Also if my parents dont press charges can he still go to jail. Bcuz everyone said if I put him on the birth cert. that the state if they knew his age would press charges. What should I do? helpinhelper says:   Before I get into my actual advice, I have to ask: why do you think you're pregnant? You haven't had any signs of pregnancy, and your period isn't supposed to come until next week... If you had unprotected sex, that's just insanely stupid. First, don't stress. Stressing will only further delay an already delayed period. Second, a pregnancy test could work now, but accuracy would not be guaranteed. If it says you're pregnant now, it's pretty much right. But if it says you're not pregnant now, then it's not guaranteed, and you should take it again next week. Third, you're probably not pregnant. Even if you did have unprotected sex, the chances are still in your favor. About the legal stuff: Yes, if you want to put him on the birth certificate, the state will go after him. Normally, however, the state doesn't individually pursue someone. Parents would have to be the main ones to pursue it. But yes, he can go to jail if convicted. If he is convicted, the minimum sentence involves a year of jail. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: April 04, 2007 caughtNdamiddle asks:   i have 2 friends. S n R. They were goin out ever since da beginnin of freshman year n to da start of dis year. but while in between dat he got arrested n she tried to wait on him but she got wit another guy J. but when S came bak drama started. r n s got bak 2gether but then broke up last week. but i can still tell they still love each otha. but da only problem is dat S is tryin to use me to get R jealous. so i'm pretty much caught in da middle, as much as i didn't want dis to happen it did. n she thinks i'm gonna get wit him but i ain't. but how do i tell S "NO" wit out havin him gettin mad at me. cuz me, R N S are all close like family. so i don't want S or R gettin mad at me. how do i deal wit dis b4 it gets outta hand?? helpinhelper says:   My advice: Quit the drama. Don't give into what they're doing. Just stay away. Pick one of them and be friends with them and avoid the other. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 04, 2007 cheetah3 asks:   okayy...so I have a few things that I need advice on. First off...prom is in a few months and i DONT HAVE A DATE!!I am going with friends, but I would love to have a date.. I was supposed to go with this guy, but than we ended up braking up and than my friend said hed go with me, but than a girl asked him...and I dont know what to do. I really want to go with a guy, but no one has asked me. I mean, okay there a some guys im thinking about. Theres M, whos shy and quiet and not really popular, but im not sure if he likes me. he talkes to me and flirts with me and "teases" me, but I just cant tell!! And I think his best friend likes me, but I dont like him.. And than theres T, whos just, I dont know very well because he hes a jock and hangs out with different kinds of people than I do, and he's none of my classes and I dont know how to get closer with him, we used to be friends last year, but now we barly talk...and than my friend wants to set me up with this other guy.. oh god, i just dont know! see, ive had little experience in this whole "romance" thing.. Should I wait for one of them to ask me....or should I ask them??(scary thought) helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I think M would be your best bet if you really want a date. Why not just ask him to prom? Why keep waiting? Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 04, 2007 cripster asks:   I'm a disabled guy in a wheelchair. I lost my legs due to a car accident 8 years ago when I was in my early teens. A month ago I met this girl in chatroom and eventually fell in-love with each other. But theres one thing I never revealed to her. That I'm a guy in a wheelchair. Now, we're planning to meet up 2 months from now when she get back from another state. I dunno what to do. I should have told her about myself but I was scared. Now we're meeting 2 months from now and I dunno what to expect. Please help me. Thanks helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you should just tell her. It would be better to shock her now so that when she meets you, she can truly be happy instead of having to deal with a shock. It might be scary now, but the thing is, it's inevitable her finding out. If you ever want to find something with her, she'll have to find out. So you might as well tell her now. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: April 04, 2007 nicolie25 asks:   At summer camp of 2006 I told a white lie that i had a crush on my best guy friend. Oct. of 2006 everyone said to ask him out. Under peer pessure i wrote a fake note saying he asked me out. Ever since then the whole school knows and i have to keep lying. If i tell everyone the truth my life will end. I am going to have to ask him out and everything. But my life is a lie. What to do? helpinhelper says:   "If i tell everyone the truth my life will end." I'll just tell you from experience, if you go through life thinking that, you'll never make it. Your life will end early lying. You do NOT have to ask him out. Just tell people to mind their own business if they annoy you about it. Your love life is your deal, not theirs. Stop lying. Life gets too complicated. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: April 03, 2007 giggles asks:   Well, i like this guy name robby and a few months ago, we became good friends. then i started to liek him cuz he liekd me... but then wen we met each other for the first time, he stopped talking to me. i think it was because i was taller then him. =[.i felt like he just left me hanging and he used me! were not even friends anymore, i dont think he ever exist in my life. well like i tell my friends everything and they hate to see me upset but a few months later, he started to talk on the phone with one of my best friends. i was so jealous. because he liked her, then a few weeks ago, she liked him and i was the last to find out. i was alomost getting over him.. and now i cry like mostly everyday thinking if i should forgive her. also, me and my best friend arent talkin anymore. now that is just messed up becuase were fighting over a boy!! i thought she was a true friend to me! What can i do to end this fight? sincerely, Miserable helpinhelper says:   She's still a true friend. Talking to a guy on the phone is not the end of the world. Plus, she can't help who she likes, and he can't help who he likes. So there's really nothing anyone can do. You're being absolutely ridiculous. You liked this guy a few MONTHS ago. It didn't work out - and you should have gotten over him then, and you haven't. You should be happy for your friend, not ranting or ending the friendship... Stop being so silly. You're the one letting this friendship go to hell. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: April 03, 2007 **DnTkNoWaT2SaY** asks:   okay. my boyfriend wants a baby now... and we are still in high school... i told afther i graduate from high.. but he gets upset with me.. what should i do? helpinhelper says:   Tell him to get real. How's he going to pay for a baby? How are you going to financially support for it? Are one of you going to go to college? Are you going to get married? What about the rest of your teenage years? What's the big hurry? There are a lot of things that he's obviously not thinking about, and he would need to in order to be a good parent and bring a child into a world he's proud of. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: March 30, 2007 sarah974 asks:   My boyfriend over dosed on some type of medication yesterday Him and everyone else says that he has horrible depresion. We have been going out for over a yer and a half. I dont know what to do because I wont date any one who does drugs, but I dont know if he needs me right now or what??...help helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the best thing you can do is just be an outlet. Show him a good time and have some fun. Make him smile. That's all you really can do. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: March 28, 2007 Romeo_without_a_Juliet asks:   There is a girl I like but I'm not sure she likes me back. We were good friends way back when but now she seems distant when I try to engage in conversation. Online however she is not. How do I find out if she likes me back? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, there's no easy way to do it. The best thing you can do is ask her to hang out, just the two of you. You don't have to call it a date, but you should treat it like it is. If she likes you, then that's the best chance of finding out - when you two are alone and having a good time. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: March 28, 2007 kaiakitty asks:   I know I have problems. I've been prescribed Concerta and now my suicidal thoughts are returning. They never really left but now they don't just come when I'm sad. They're always there. And I feel useless. And I know me, and I'm going to do something. I want to go to a center, to a behavioral/mental help center and stay. But my parents won't let me do inpatient because they think I'm faking. Should I talk to my psychologist? Or should I just deal? helpinhelper says:   Talk to your psychologist. Your parents sound extremely stupid if they're thinking that you're faking. Why on earth would you fake having suicidal thoughts? No one really wants to admit that they need help (though it's good that you have). Just talk to your psychologist and see what he/she can do. Typically, suicidal thoughts does NOT mean you have to go to a center. In fact, most psychologists will just have you see them a few times a week, and that's all you really need. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 28, 2007 Just Wondering asks:   What are some good pick-up lines?(or convo starters?) helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the best conversation starters are something about what they are doing. For example, if they're painting, ask what they're painting. It's just little things. A lot of people try to look for that one "pickup line" line that always works, and the truth is, there just isn't one. The best thing you can do is just practice and get good through that. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: March 28, 2007 Anna asks:   I'm with a guy right now, but I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend. My ex just came home from Iraq and asked me to be with him again, but now he doesnt want a relationship right now that he needs time alone. I thought I could handle being with someone new, but everytime I see my ex its i get this weird sick feeling in my stomach. What do I do?? helpinhelper says:   Get over your ex. He's an ex, nothing else too it. You should have started to put him behind you at the breakup, but clearly that didn't happen. So you need to put him behind you now before it starts to take a toll on your current relationship. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: March 28, 2007 christine asks:   I know you told me that it would be best if I were to get professional help, but I can't. I am afraid that if I were to pour my heart out to a complete stranger and tell them the secrets that can label me as a sick person, he/she will blurt out my illness to the world. I want help, I truly do but I am really afraid of the negative consequences. If I told anyone my life story and what I'm going through now, I doubt they'll be suprised at how I turned out. But I'm really more afraid that my mother will react badly to what I'm going through. But at the same time, I am scaring myself more and more because I now have a plan and I have a victim in mind. I am actally planning to kill her, I have it all planned, even my suicide afterwards. This terrifies me, mainly because I know it's not me, well, I hope it's not me. This is all her fault, that stupid girl that kept telling me to kill myself and hurt my friends, she morphed into me and now I have to live with visions of sadistic homicide in my mind forever. I can't go to a professional, I would love to but I'd hate to know that I'd dissapoint my mother again. I would just hate it. Here is a poem I wrote about how I will murder one of my friends, every time she tells me she loves me, I can't help but think, "I will slit your neck, just shut up." I hate myself, I can see myself becoming more sick every day, I wish I would'nt think these thoughts. I don't want to hurt anyone but she'll make me hurt everyone. If it will help, I will give you my screenname, just ask for it in your reply. Thank you. Here is the poem: Slow Murder Ha Ha Ha, I see you trying to escape, but I am running terribly late, my next victim is waiting, so let’s speed this death up, I imagine you’ll beg, but I’ll cut off your leg, watch the blood ooz, watch your life lose, your murder will be slow, my next victim will know, that his life is saved for now, because this death is my show, I will kill you nice and slow, to enjoy this before late, so I can soon state, when my next act will be, too bad you can’t see, for your eyes are empty, I have emptied your sockets, and now you are blind, too bad you’re now dead, HaHaHa, my next victim is near, time for him, to soon disappear. . . helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I can't think of anymore advice that could actually help you beyond what I've already said. If you think seeing a counselor is a bad thing, think about your mental state. And FYI, in court, which is where you're headed if you don't get help - if the prosecution can prove that you KNEW you were under mental pressure, and were still able enough to make the decision to NOT get help, then insanity or lack of mental soundness pleas do NOT work, and you'll get convicted. So seriously, get help now before you're seeing a prison psychologist. Hope this helps Topic:   Family Date: March 27, 2007 hells_angel asks:   ok... so here's my story...(well, some of it...) In the 8th grade i lived up in VT on a dairy farm with my mom and step-dad. We went down to FL for a little while because my stepdad had to do something at the AFB (air force base), and while we were down there my mother got sick with menningitus. Well, I almost lost her once, but she seemed to get better after that.. even after the doctors accidentaly O.D.ed her. So we went back home and bought a dairy farm and my dad had to get a second job just so we could keep the farm, so mom and I looked after the farm by ourselves... Then, ... she got sick again... This time with M.S. ... she couldn't get up the 3 stairs from the livingroom to her bedroom. In turn, my dad and I had to take care of her... He continued with his job, and I,(being in the 8th grade and only 13 yrold) , ran the dairy farm by myself... After a while my parents split... my mom and I moved to TN and we were on our own... I worked 2 jobs, school coming first, of course... well, She met a nice guy.. and now we live with him... But origionaly we came to tn for help from our family, all of whom have done nothing but acused my mom of being a drug addict ... (because she's on 18 pills a day... including morphene... valume,,, flexeral,,, hydrocoding.. exc... for pain.. and yet she wakes up screaming still) and the doctors havnt diagnosed her yet... and its been ..2? 2 1/2 years?... everything kinda sucks... since moving into her boyfriends home.. or tn in general... ive been under so much stress,,,... its unbelieveable.. these were just the highlights since january.. >a guy shot his wife and himself across the st from the school one day.. and ppl saw it thru the window in class... >then a wk l8er a friend shot himself in the rhall bathroom... >then i found out one of my old friend from vt shot and killed a guy and is going to jail.. >my moms boyfriend's best friend killed himself.. >i didnt get accepted into this summerschool i worked my a-- off to get into >i found out a friend was pregnant >my biological father's house burned down..and >my boyfriend got into a car reck anyways.. to get to the point... im 5 days from being 16 years old... idk how much more i can take... im constantly worried about my mom...school... and life in general... i just dont know what to do.. .all i know is that im tired of the teachers constantly "keeping an eye" on me.. and my friends telling me i need a councler.. i just dont know what to do anymroe..any advise at ALL would help... ive.. been thru hell and back.. and im tired of everything.. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I think that you should seriously consider seeing a counselor. I'm not telling you this as a friend, but from a purely objective viewpoint, it sounds like you should get some sort of help to get through the next two years. However, I'm sure you're wanting a bit more than that, so I'll stress the last two words - "two years." I'm going to guess you're a Sophomore in High School. You've got 2 more years to go and that's it. You can move out, get a job, or you can go to college (which I would recommend!). But your mom's got a boyfriend to take care of her, and your dad's can take care of himself. Just keep pressing on. You've got two years left and then the rest of your life. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 26, 2007 confused x2879165861 asks:   Theres this guy, and I've liked him since the beggining of the second semester in school. Ever since a couple weeks ago I've had to stay after to school to help my friend out with her part in our school play, and he's always there. He's always talking to me and he goes out of his way to get my attention, come up say hi to me, and give me a giant hug..And hes always flirting with me.. One thing led to another thing and so on and I ended up loosing my virginity to him.. But yesterday I found out he has a girlfriend. What do i do? -Confused x2879165861 helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you have to get over him... He's got a girlfriend that he's cheating on. If he really loved you, he would have broken up with her and pursued a relationship. Obviously, he doesn't. I'm sorry, and this'll sound harsh, but he used you for sex. And that's just how it is. I can't imagine how painful it'd be to be "tricked" and feeling like your virginity was essentially stolen from you. But this guy is no good. He's a cheater, and a liar, and just not worth your time. Find a guy that really loves you for YOU and not just what's between your legs. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 20, 2007 <3 asks:   I've known this guy since I was 5 years old, and I'm now 15. And I've always liked him. But the thing is that over the ten years I've known him, weve become best friends. All our other friends say he's had a crush on me since forever, But I don't know what to believe. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I've liked him forever.. How can I let him now I like him? AND does he like me back :s? helpinhelper says:   Don't tell him! That's a disaster waiting to happen! You NEVER tell a guy that you like them - NEVER EVER. It's awkward, it's too blunt, it's too fast, it's too risky. It's just not the best thing to do. If you want to go to dating this guy - or to more than just friends - the best thing to do is treat him like that. Ask him to do more things, just the two of you. Flirt more, dress nicer than normal - treat it like a date, and see if he starts doing the same. The best thing you can do is slowly push him into the "more than just friends" zone. Telling him is just like grabbing him and hauling him over, and he might just fall back harder. Don't worry about the friendship. I really doubt such a strong friendship will be put out by just a little try at something more. And more importantly, it's worth the risk. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: March 19, 2007 mimikat555 asks:   My friend likes two guys and can't decide which one she wants. What do I say and how do I help? helpinhelper says:   You really can't, lol. It's her love life - let her handle it. Don't butt in. Seriously though, it's her love life, stay out of it. It's the only way to avoid drama. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 19, 2007 none of the above asks:   I recently asked a question, which didn't get answered, about my boyfriend and how we were always arguing and I didn't know what to do. Well, last night it happened. I kept asking questions, like how did he know he was in love, was I valuable to him, stuff like that, and he didn't really have straight answers for anything. Then I mentioned something; When we first started going out, he once wrote me this letter and read it over the phone to me. So that started something and I'd write him letters all the time, especially when I didn't know what to say to him. But we broke up for a while, and when we got back together, he told me he thought that me writing letters and reading them to him was weird. So last night, I brought up this letter, pretty much saying that if he thought it was weird, he started it. He absolutely refused to believe me, he, who can't remember our conversation from the night before, refused to believe that he had done it. But then he set me off, he said I must have asked him to do it. All of a sudden, I was furious, I told him I was so sick of him, that he was so different from the guy I used to know, because all of a sudden, he's popular and everyone wants to be his friend, and now he fits into this rocker, pothead, I-don't-give-a-damn stereotype that he wasn't part of when I met him. And I told him all of this, and he took it, as usual, in silence. So then, I hung up. I called my best friend Brandon(who I met on here, thanks!!) and decided I had to call my boyfriend back and either fix the relationship or end it for good. So with Brandon silently backing me up, we talked. I told him I didn't like the way things had been going, and he said he agreed, that nothing was ever wrong, but nothing was ever right. He said maybe we were just in love with being in love, and this was only meant for us to find ourselves... And I was happy. We decided to stay friends, and we were laughing as I hung up. I was happy for the next hour. Then I went to bed, and the tears started. I cried uncontrollably for another hour before I could fall asleep. Today, I woke up, and had about 30 seconds of peace before it all came rushing back to me. And now I've been caught between fighting tears and complete indifference.Please help me. I don't want to spend every night crying like last time, I want to finally get over him, but I don't know how. helpinhelper says:   Okay, your problem is the drama that YOU are causing - the drama that you're seeming to need in order to know that he loves you. Why can't you just believe it? Why do you need him to tell you that you're valuable and that he loves you and all that jazz? Look, your problem is that you're insecure about love. Stop asking him to tell you that he loves you - if you don't feel it, what's saying it going to matter? And also, news flash: Guys don't really like to be touchy-feely. Most aren't romantics - most don't write long letters expressing their love. And by essentially demanding him to be like that, it's almost like you're asking him to change who he is. So why don't you re-evaluate if you really do love him? If you really believe him when he says "I love you"? Do you really even love him? Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 19, 2007 ugly_duckling_4eva asks:   well..umm..i'm not sure if u guys can figure out my problem(i cant either). U see,i'm 18,never been out on a real date,got rejected by my crushes TWICE,shy,dont hang out with guys and dread the thought of going on dates. WHenever i see a good-looking guy who makes the butterflies dance in my tummy,i grow sad..thinking to myself.."i'm never gonna find someone like him who'll love me so much" . My failed crushes have pretty much made me lose hope in finding love and girls who are err..less-better looking than me get great boyfriends.I know,looks only dont count in falling in love with someone...but i'm pretty much good a person too...so why am i stuck alone? I see good-looking guys and i feel sad everytime.i envy other people ...almost evryone other than myself. :(( whats happening to meeeeeee...Help me out,will ya? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the worst thing you can do is get into a desperation state for a boyfriend. Just because you don't have one doesn't mean you can't be happy. In fact, it's extremely silly to think that you need someone to make you happy. So what's the big deal with not having one? Is it just that you want one? Have you thought of WHY you do? My advice is to just have fun. Get out with your friends, forget getting a boyfriend. Don't go off of a crush, go off of a real liking. Try to make more friends, and try to become friends with more guys. If you have a guy you like, don't go straight to trying to date him - try to get to know him and get him to know you. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 18, 2007 hypygirl asks:   well i like this guy and he likes me back well thats what he tells me but.... he has a gf when he writes about her in his profile it feels like he is talking about me but i dont know.... i dont know how to figure out tif he truely likes me! helpinhelper says:   If he has a girlfriend, stay away. It really doesn't matter if he likes you or not. Don't let him cheat or anything... Seriously though, this guy is taken. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 18, 2007 ERICA asks:   OKAY WELL I MET THIS GUY 2 DAYS AGO IN A CHAT ROOM AND IT WASNT EVEN PLANNED I WAS BORED AND JUST WANTED TO TALK NOT GET HOOKED UP.you know? WELL THIS GUY NAMED JARED MESSAGED ME AND THEN WE TALKED GOT TO KNO EACH OTHER THEN TALKED ON MYSPACE WE TALKED ALL NIGHT LONG UNTIL ABOUT 7 AM HE'S VERY CUTE NICE SENSITIVE LOVES SPORTS.. AND WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. ONE PROBLEM HE LIVES IN UTAH AND HE'S A JUNIOR IN HS AND I LIVE IN OHIO AND IM A SOPHOMORE..WELL THE FIRST NIGHT WE TALKED AFTER ABOUT 8 HRS OF TALKING HE ASKED ME OUT.. HE SAID I WAS HIS BETTER HALF AND I AM THE GIRL HE'S BEEN LOOKING FOR WELL HE MAKES ME SMILE AND MAKES ME HAPPY WE TALKED LAST NITE ON THE PHONE AS WELL.. WELL A FEW YEARS AGO I DATED A KID IN MASS. FOR 2 YEARS AND IT WAS HARD BUT GOOD..WELL IM PRETTY NOT GONNA LIE AND ALOT OF GUYS HIT ON ME BUT I SWEAR ALL THEY WANT IS SEX SO I HAVE A HARD TIME DATING GUYS CLOSE TO ME BECAUSE IM BETTER FRIENDS WITH GUYS THAN GIRLS CUZ I HATE GIRL DRAMA...WELL MY QUESTION IS... DO YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD TRY AND DATE GUYS CLOSE TO ME OR FAR AWAY I MEAN I FALL IN SO CALLED LOVE EASILY BUT THIS KID IS DIFFERENT I HAVENT FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I THINK THATS GOOD... I THINK HE MIGHT BE THE ONE BECAUSE MY FEELINGS ARE MOVING SLOW FOR HIM WHICH IS AWESOME.. BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO JUST TRY IT OUT WITH JARED AND SEE WAT HAPPENS? PLEASE LET ME KNOW THANKS!!! helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you're not going to want to hear this: But you need to get over him. You can't have a relationship with a guy who's not there. You can't be dating someone you don't go on dates with. It's sad, but it's true. He could make you happier than any other guy out there, but if he's not there, what else can he give you? Sometimes love just isn't enough, and it's hard to accept, but that's just the way it is. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: March 17, 2007 JaGgY asks:   So imwith this guy right and we barely started going out but i barely know him. and he pays no attention to me. we never really talk and hes always to busy talking to his friends to even notice me. i dont think that he really cares but everyone keeps telling me about how much he does and about how much he talks about me. i really like him and all but im really confused on if he likes me or not. a couple of my friends are on my side and they think the same thing and i dont know who to believe. he says that he loves me but he never talks to me only on myspace and he barely ever responds to my messages. what should i do? helpinhelper says:   Why don't you try talking to him about these feelings you have? If you feel like he's blowing you off, or that you don't know him, or that he doesn't care, TELL HIM. If he says "that's ridiculous," tell him that's how you feel. Look, he's not going to know how you feel unless you tell him. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 20, 2007 gelous asks:   me and my girlfriend have been going out for 6 months but i get really jelous when she mentions another guys name for no reason i also get really paranoid that she cheated on me i also expect her to text me or phone me all the time i dont like being like this its not me help! helpinhelper says:   Why don't you TALK to her about it? Sit down during a time that she hasn't mentioned any other guys names and just tell her how you feel. She's not going to know that it truly bothers you and is a big problem unless you tell her about it... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 20, 2007 troubled2 asks:   ok i think im in love i cant stop thinking about my girlfriend you might be wonderin why thats a problem the reason is i feel traped by this love i really want to stay with my girlfriend but i know deep down i should get out as she cheated on me when we started going out but she says shes never done anything like it sinse and never will again what should i do get out(how) or trust her??? helpinhelper says:   ... Dump her. Seriously... She cheated on you. How could you ever trust her again? How could you ever believe her when she says "I love you" if she's going off and cheating with other guys? Get over her - really. Love isn't always enough, and in this case, she doesn't love you anyways. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 20, 2007 dernon1 asks:   ok im in a relationship with a girl for 5 months and i love her but i dont think she loves me im not sure if i should tell her how i feel incase she panicks how do i know when to tell her or should i keep these feelings to myself for a bit longer? thanks! helpinhelper says:   Why do you need to say "I love you"? Or why do you need to hear it? Why does it matter at all? You're in a relationship with her, and it's clearly a good thing, and it makes both of you feel good and happy. Why does it matter if it's love or not? Look, actions speak louder than words. What we say could never compare to what we do. It won't matter if you SAY "I love you" if you don't SHOW her that. You have to make her feel loved, because those 3 words aren't going to do it. And the same goes for the reverse - if you don't feel loved, why would it matter if she said it? My advice is to talk to her about it. Just say "I don't feel truly loved." See how it goes. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 19, 2007 iheartravboy asks:   Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and on Valentine's Day (our one year) we are going to be exchanging Promise rings, because I am going to be going to college and he is two years younger than me. We know that we love each other, but sometimes I feel like he isn't really trying all that hard. Like today, we went out to Chinese with his friend Chris. He told me that he was going to go back to the school with me and take the bus home, because I wanted him to (it's midterms so we get out of school early-but the busses come at the same time). I went to the bathroom before we left, and by the time I came out, he and Chris had made plans for him to sleep over Chris'-which meant me going back to the school and on the bus alone and him going home with Chris after he already told me he was going to stay with me! I got upset about this, and he didn't really think he did anything wrong. Do you think I'm just overreacting? helpinhelper says:   News Flash: Most guys aren't into the romance and emotional cutesy stuff... It's just how they are. It doesn't happen until they grow up. Girls start pubery earlier and mature quicker - so until you're around 20, guys are on a different level. They just can't find a way to express themselves well... Basically: I think you're over-reacting... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 18, 2007 kayla asks:   alright, soo me and this guy were talking for about three months. he knew i wasnt going to have sex with him though, and after three months he just all of a sudden stopped talking to me! im friends w/ his best friend though, its not because of another girl or anything.. he just stopped.. are some guys just like cold hearted and DONT get emotionally attached? Cause he told me plenty of times that he liked me.. I dont know what to think of it though! It's been about 20 days since i've talked to him and he's made it clear that he doesnt want to talk anymore. I miss him a lot and still have strong feelings for him! what should i do? just give up? helpinhelper says:   Yes - unfortunatly, that's all you can do. I mean, he doesn't want to talk to you anymore, and has told you to go away - so there's nothing else you can do. If you'd been talking for 3 months and he said he liked you the entire time, he probably figured out that you weren't interested and decided to give up. Hope this helps Topic:   Drugs Date: January 17, 2007 bigjuice27 asks:   Soi wat i been talk a hear weed really does have any affectes expect the nice common feling ,and eating everthing you.So wat are all the effects you know of . helpinhelper says:   Short term: - memory and learning problems - distorted perception (sights, sounds, time, touch) - difficulty in thinking and problem solving - loss of coordination - increased heart rate, anxiety, and panic attacks. Also... If you ever have to take a urine test: THC in marijuana is strongly absorbed by fatty tissues in various organs. Generally, traces of THC can be detected by standard urine testing methods several days after a smoking session. And if you're on a high school sports team and ever get to the finals of almost any tournament, they do do urine testing on all the athletes... Long term: - One pop of weed produces the resperatory effects of about 80 cigarettes. That means if you smoked once a MONTH for 4 years, you would have smoked the equivalent of 3840 cigarettes. Weed is the leading cause of lung cancer for people who don't smoke tobacco. - Weed also completely wipes out your long term memory. People who smoke it once a month really won't be able to remember what happend in that month 5 years later. - And, of course, it's addictive. If those are the only side effects you know of, you should do more research, be more mature, and stop being stupid before you decide to take the risk. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: January 16, 2007 oh_so_in_love asks:   Ok, im being straight up with this, I have an eating disorder. Bulemia, to be exact. I just recently lost my dad. He died in a car accident. I always seem to have it under control when something else goes wrong, there are days that i feel as if i have no control over anything. Thats when i throw up, well it used to be, until i got, as you would say, addicted, i do it everyday, even if i just eat a snack, Im 14, i should weigh more than i do, but i dont and i cant stop, every time i seem to think Ive quit for good, i find something else thast bothers me... I need advice BADLY!!!!!! PLEASE REPLY! helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: Tell your mom, go see a psychologist or doctor. You don't have to tell her why, just say "hey mom, I'd really appriciate it if you could take me to see a psychologist. I need some help and I'd rather not talk about it." Bulemia is a disorder much like depression - you cannot come out of it on your own. You have to tell someone else who CAN help you... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 16, 2007 Uhhhmerica asks:   Hi, I am a sophomore in high school and my school is holding a Sadie Hawkin's dance on Valentine's Day. I don't have a date yet, but I am planning on asking one of my male friends. I am having trouble deciding between two of them, so I want to hear some opinions. The first boy is named Jamie. He is probably the sweetest, most genuine person I know. We have seen each other outside of school on a few instances, but I would not consider it dating. The only problem is that Jamie has lived in Spain for most of his life, so there is a significant communication barrier. The second boy is named Andrew. We have been friends since we were 7, and we are closer than ever now. We have kissed a few times, but we don't consider ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend. He is so much fun to be around, and he treats me very nicely. I would ask him, but I don't like his lifestyle. He drinks and smokes pot frequently. I know this is a petty question, but I care about your opinions. Who should I ask? helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: Honestly, I'd go with Jamie. If you have a lot of problems with Andrew's lifestyle, why would you date him? What about where you go after the party? or what he does after the party? And if you're looking in the scope of boyfriend/girlfriend, why would you start dating someone that you "didn't agree with their lifestyle decisions."? Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: January 16, 2007 Johnie65555415 asks:   hi, umm well my problem is that i sweat alot, i use like heaps of deodrant but it doesnt work, and now that summer is coming up, and its gonna be hot, ill ovbiosuly have to wear t-shirts, but then people are gonna see the sweat patches and i dont want that, what can i do ??? helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: I actually used to have that problem. And I'll give you a few tips: 1) "Heaps of deodrant" can actually make the problem worse. Deodrant is supposed to stick to your armpit, but if you put on way too much, it'll start sticking to your shirt! And when it absorbs sweat, then you've got a went solid on your shirt. So make sure you limit the ammount that you do use. 2) Caffeine makes you sweat a lot more than normal, so try to not drink so much caffeine. Sodas are especially guilty because they're caffeine and sugar.... 3) Wear shirts that fit. Shirts that are too tight or too lose will only make the problem worse. 4) Relax. Something funny about sweating is that it goes out of your clothes very quickly. It's NOT a lot of liquid, and it'll dry up/evaporate extremely quick if you can just relax. Hope this helps Topic:   Religion Date: January 15, 2007 LaceyJ asks:   I dont know if you guys can answer questions about God, but I'm really worried about this so I thought Id give it a go- I used to be really close to God, I would read my bible and pray everyday and I had a really strong relationship with him. Then I started dating this guy and I fell away from God, then I made a lot of really bad decisions that I knew God disapproved of, but I love this guy and I didnt want to stop anything that I was doing. I would feel too guilty reading my bible and I hardley ever pray because I dont think God can hear me anymore. I promised myself as soon as the guy left for the air force(which he just did) I would get my relationship with God back on track and start over, but I dont know if God will want me anymore because I have rejected him so much. I know he says he will forgive us always, but after so much rejection did he just give up on me? Can I get my relationship with him back? And what if i dont feel guilty about some of the bad decisions I made, can I still ask for forgiveness? How can I get my life with God back on track? helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: Honestly, I don't know much about your particular religion or beliefs, so I can't give you the best advice. The best thing I can tell you to do is go and talk to a priest about it. Confession exists so that you can feel better and feel closer - not so that you feel bad. It's like having a big thing on your chest - if you can just talk about it, you'll usually feel better. People make mistakes - it's human. What a lot of people don't do, however, is learn from their mistakes or feel sorry for them. You've learned and felt bad for what's happend - and that's all anyone could really ask for. Hope this helps Topic:   School Date: January 15, 2007 babybluejay8807 asks:   I am a 18 year old high school senior and I need some advice. There is this teacher at my school. I don't have a class with him but I see him often since I also work at my school. He has made some comments that haven't made me feel uncomfortable but I am trying to understand his intentions. Here are some of the things that he has done: A female teacher commented that I looked good in a certain color and he said that I always looked good. He noticed that I had lost weight. I came into the room when his wife was eating lunch with him and he said "how many times do I have to tell you not to come around when my wife is here." I had to ask him a question and when I was about to ask him he said "I'm already married." When he was filling in for a teacher i had, my friend was playing and was teasing me and he got all defensive. He has also dedicated alot of his time to help me beyond what I have asked for. What do you think about the situation? Please let me know. helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: Honestly, it sounds wierd, but you don't have enough evidence or anything to go after it and stop it. A lot of it could just be in your head... If he makes any sort of move though, do tell someone. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 14, 2007 Kan asks:   OK.....I BROKE UP WIT MY BF...A FEW DAYS L8ER A GUY ASKED ME OUT....I BROKE UP WIT HIM AND GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH MY OLD BF AND NOW THE DUDE I JSUT WENT OUT WIT THINKS I CHEATED HIM BUT I DIDNT.....AND WE R REALLY GOOD FRIENDS...WAT DO I DO...AND YES HE IS VERY MAD AT ME helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: Honestly, there's nothing you can do... He's pissed you broke up with him. You made a commitment and you decided to end it - your relationship is over. The trust you had is gone. The friendship's going to be over for a while... The only thing you can do is tell him that you didn't cheat. If you were going to cheat, you wouldn't have broken up with him... You broke up with him so you WOULDNT cheat... Hope this helps Topic:   School Date: January 14, 2007 Franklin asks:   Hello.Theres this teacher with whom I'm very friendly, he is at least 50 and I am 18.We have things in common,and as I am very shy,if I have a problem he is the one I confront because he is simply the only one I can talk to-for schollery problems not personal.Last year,he used to pay a great deal of attention to me,by staring that is.I know that teenagers usually escalate these situations due to father issues or male role models missing from their lives I can assure you,this was...dare I say,lustful looking.Now,for months he stopped but last week he begun looking again.Now just recently I've realised what these looks are..I honestly believed they were friendly and recieved them with a smile.He literally does not care if anyone sees him looking and students who are not even my friends have commented on the situation,its frightening and embarassing.I'm terrified that he is going to make a move..what on earth do you say to something like that?I could never tell my parents and I am incredibly shy so reporting him would cause more pain that deserved..I'm very confused as to what to do.Could it be all this attention is being made because I'm so shy?Maybe he thinks I wont say anything?I dont know..please help I'm aware that I may sound quite delighted with the prediciment but I can assure you its been playing on my mind all weekend.Thank you.xx helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: In almost every single state, it's illegal for a student and teacher to engage in any sort of romantic relationship at all... So if he makes any move, tell him that you're not interested, tell him that it's illegal, and tell him if he tries again, you'll report it. He will get the message. Part of what motivates teachers to prey on students is that they think you're shy and timid rather than strong and proud... They think that they can get away with it. Prove him wrong and take a stand for yourself. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 14, 2007 blondey911 asks:   ok 3 months ago i started dstin this guy and he was the guy of my dreams he dumped me after a week of dating and then asked me back out the same night. then he dumped me 2 days later bc family problems and then about a month after we went back out then after a few weeks he dumped me again. through the whole time we were on and off we were still really close friends and stuff before christmas he asked me back out and i said yes. i felt he did not care for me as much because he liked other girls too when we were dating. i finally dumped him and now i hurt really bad because i still love him and he calls me still every night and says he loves me too. what do i do its really hard to get over him. helpinhelper says:   First, I appologize for taking so long to respond. Normally people usually get a response in 24 hours, but some personal issues have kept me busy. Now onto your question: Honestly, if you want to get over him, then you can't take him back. I think you do need to get over him because he's proven to be unable at offering a stable relationship. he keeps taking you back and then dumping you? What happens if you guys get married? Can he just dump you and take you back then? The fact is that he can't give you what you want - a stable and real and loving relationship. He just can't. So you should get over him. Time is the only thing that will cure a broken heart... All you can do is shorten how much time you actually need. To do that, get rid of the things that remind you of him. Don't answer his phone calls, block him on AIM, don't go places you'll know he'll be, put the pictures under your bed. Anything you can just to get your mind completely off of him. And most importantly, go out and have some fun. These are supposed to be the best years of your life! what are you doing wasting them with all this drama? Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 13, 2007 lilshorty007 asks:   hi well heres my story from the begining, i met this guy threw my brothers hes 18 and im 16, we dated once and he cheated so i dumped him the seccond time we dated he promissed not to cheat or anything so i took him back but on christmas eve i found out he cheated again and this chick is pregnet so i asked him about it and he dumped me but since then hes been calling like 2 or 3 times a day saying sorry and saying he will change and saying he promesses not to cheat if i take him back but i dont know if i can trust him this time and like i want him back cause i miss him so much and i have real feelings for him but im not sure if hes gunna cheat with this girl again, what should i do? because im tired of getting hurt buy this guy but i cant just forget him... please answer this time cuz i asked once but never got a reply.. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you need to get over him.. He's cheated on you TWICE. He's promised things will be different TWICE. Why wouldn't he do it a 3rd time? And more importantly - he's now a father! He's 18! Are you ready to start dating a guy who's going to be a dad? Seriously, realize that this guy is bad news, and get over him pronto! Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 13, 2007 guiltyneo asks:   how do i post stuff helpinhelper says:   You already have... If you want to post on the forums, go to the forums section of the site (see the top bar). Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 10, 2007 don't touch me asks:   I'll start off by telling you that I'm 17. Me and my mom have lived with her boyfriend for about 13 years now. Everytime he's around he tries to wrestle with me like I'm still a little kid. He's always grabbing me or trying to get me to kiss him etc. My mom knows that he does these things, but all she does is tell him that he needs to stop. When I was about 6 or 7, he came in my room one morning while my mom was at work. He got in my bed and touched me and said "you like being rubbed down there, don't you?" He's a truckdriver so he's only home on the weekends, but he still gets to me. Should I just wait 8 more months to be 18 and leave? I told a friend about it, and ever since, my stomach hurts everytime I even think about it. Any suggestions on what I can do? This is really starting to bother me. helpinhelper says:   Have you tried telling him to stop? Or tried telling your mom EXACTLY what's bothering you? They've been dating for 13 years - why aren't they getting married? The fact is that he's being a pervert, and it's up to you to stand up for yourself and do something about it. If he says "blow me a kiss" or something like that, tell him to fuck off. He's not your dad, he's not your stepdad, and what he's doing is inappropriate. If he continues to do it, report it to a school counselor. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 10, 2007 famous01 asks:   IM GETTING WORRIED ABOUT THIS THING THAT I GET NOW AND A AGAIN WHERE I GET REALLY RANDOMLY HOT AND GET DIZZY AND SOMETIMES FAINT I HAVE BEEN TO A DOCTOR AND HE SAID IM REALLY UNFIT BUT HE DIDNT TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND IVE BEEN ON ALL THESE TEEN FITNESS WEBSITES AND THERE NOT TELLING ME ANYTHING AND WORSE MY MUM THINKS IM JUST TRYING TO GET ATTENTION AND BEING SILLY WHEN I EXERCISE. PLEASE REPLY SOON IM REALLY WORRIED HELLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!! helpinhelper says:   Don't listen to your mom... She's really being harsh if she's saying "oh it's just for attention." - No, it's for your health... Instead of offering you encouragement, she's shooting you down? Sorry, but if that's your mom's attitude, you're going to have to just ignore it. If you went to a doctor and he told you that you're really unfit, then try to get fit. Start SLOW. I'll tell you this: the thing that will produce the most results is going from sedentary to moderately active. Go walk for an hour everyday - think about things, listen to music... Just go and walk for an hour. The other big help thing I can give you is something that made a huge difference for me: Find your one thing that you need to get rid of. For me, I used to have a large cookie everyday at lunch... When I got rid of it, I started losing almost 1 pound every 2 weeks from JUST that. I didn't even have to exercise. Now I'll admit, it's hard to give up a cookie or something like that - it takes a LOT of self discipline to stare at it and walk by it... But that's what it takes. So find something like that to get rid of, and I can guarantee you'll see results. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 08, 2007 Cheerleader001 asks:   ok well i live in a very small town but moved from the big city and have always wanted to go back... well my unvle is in the hospital and my parents said that if he passes we will most likely move back to the big city to live with my aunt... i fell so confused abotu what to fell or tell any of my new friends i mean i am a cheerleader and love my squad and have been though a lot with the people around me yet i just fit in better with my friends in the big city!! i just need some advice helpinhelper says:   Honestly, unfortunatly, you're going to have to end up moving around with your family. You need to realize, though, that where you live isn't going to change the fact that you will make friends. You're a cheerleader! Trust me, people will be dying to be your friend... You'll fit in no matter where you go - just be strong. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 08, 2007 Confused Little Goth asks:   I've been dating this guy that I met on the internet for about 9 months now. Everyone is against it, but I couldn't help it. When we first saw each other's pictures, we fell in love and we talk on the phone constantly and I know what he looks like so it's not like he's some creepy old guy posing as him, but everyone around me, my friends, my family, everyone thinks I'm crazy for being with him. They don't understand the bond that me and him share. Though we've never met face to face yet since he lives halfway across the country, we're making plans for it. It's not like we're children, I'm 20 and he's 18, and we are really truly in love with one another and want to be together. I want to know what you think I should do about my situation. Should I go behind the people I love's backs and be with him? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, why do they care? You're 18... It's your choice to who you want to date. It's your life and not theirs. You can date whoever you damn well want to. If you wanted to date an ex-rapist and they didn't approve, that's their problem and not yours. It's fine for them not to like him or your relationship, but they need to respect your choice and respect that there's something there that they can't see. If they give you shit about it, tell them to stop. You don't need to defend him or your relationship with him - you can instead defend your own life. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: January 07, 2007 confused07 asks:   okay well lately Ive not been wanting to go to school..and usually i love to go to school but i just havent been wanting to go at all. Im very moody, sad all the time. I never wanna do anything. Ill be hungry but i wont wanna eat, ill be sleepy but i cant sleep, ill wanna cry but i cant cry, my head hurts alot, i always have like butterflies in my stomach, ill be bored but i dont wanna watch TV or anything I just wanna lay in my bed, and Ill wanna talk to someone on the phone sometimes but i turn my phone off so people cant call me & im a freakin 14yr old girl for cyin out loud im supposed to wanna be on the phone! I dont even enjoy goin to lunch at school matter of fact i hate it...not becuz i dont wanna eat or anything but i think its becuz i dont wanna be around people. && i yell at my best friend when he calls..idk ive just been mean to him for some reason even when he syas the nicest things i just tell him w/e && he did nothin wrong. I just dont know wats wrong wit me & i dont know what to do ive just been feeling like crap lately....am i depressed or something??? helpinhelper says:   It sounds like you might be. You've certainly got a lot of the signs of depression. Wierd eating patterns, distancing yourself from people, just feeling like you don't want to do anything... See if your mom can schedual you for an appointment with a psychologist. You don't need medication or anything... but psychologists can help out. Hope this helps Topic:   Religion Date: January 07, 2007 Don'tFeelConnected asks:   I don't feel as connected to God as I used to. I go to church, read the bible and pray. But, I still don't feel connected. What should I do? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the best person you can talk to is a priest. I know very little about you or your religion and really can't make an accurate guess as to what you can do. I will say, from experience, that often times people feel less connected because things like praying or going to church become repetitive and some of the meaning is lost. Are you saying the prayers because you mean them? Or just out of repetition? Do you feel like you're really talking to God? or just saying words out loud (or silently)? If you want to feel connected to God, it requires a specific mindset. Anyone can say the Lord's Prayer - but it takes faith and belief and a good mindset in order to feel like you're really saying something rather than just spitting out words. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 06, 2007 cas asks:   hey i dnt usualy ask random people 2 help bt but noone i know is helpin me. im 14 nd me nd a 15 year old boy, recently lost our virginitys together as we decided 2 have a fling kinda. we continued a weird fling-like relationship bt were unsure wot we meant 2 each otha nd i fort i like him more dan he liked me. we slept 2getha 5 times, b4 i sed r fun was over bt didnt explain 2 him really why bt just dat i wasnt like dat anymore. bt since den he has gone mad nd slept wid another girl once (my cuzinnd best mate), another boy once(his gay best mate)nd almost slpet wid another boy(his staright mate hu is datin a girl) so every1 seys its bcas i wont even let him touch me. bt i still like him bt da problem is i fink i love him even thou he has hurt me. the problem is i tlkd 2 da boy nd girl he slept wid nd dey both regret it nd sey never agen as dey fort dey likd him but dnt. he was so normal b4 we slept 2getha bt now evry1 finks he is sex mad, flirtin like mad nd turnin gay as he slept wid a guy! he claims he aiant gay bt i always joke he is but wen i do he says fings like 'i will show u how ungay i am' bt evrytime he flirts i brush it off. i reali like him bt dnt wont him 2 fink we're fck buddies or sumting anymore. we have seen each other since this nd were easy being mates but i know i like him or maybe love him but how do i know if its love? i asked him if i loved him once nd he sed no its just bcas i stole ur virginity. bt den it got into a cpnversation on hu stole hu's virginity. evry1 says i shuld say sumtin but wot if dat means we arent friends nd i dnt wanna b fuck-buddies which i know he wontts. another problem is he lives about an hour away from me nd im grounded 4 6months so can not see him till then so i dont wanna say anything till then but what if its too late by then. i love him even thu he is now a bit-of-a-man slut x what shuld i say 2 him. shuld i call him or not tlk 2 him 4 all 6months. tlkin 2 him will probaly make the time go slower nd then mayb he will fink im being clingy. i duno HELP xxx helpinhelper says:   Look, get over him. This guy's out on a completely different level from you. He's sleeping with tons of people, using them for sex, not truly caring about anyone. If you're looking for love out of him, you're not going to find it. Do you think you're fuck buddies? Because that's what it seems like you are - you're fucking, and you're not in a relationship. Isn't that was fuck buddies are? "I don't want to be fuck buddies" - you've already made the choice to be. You can cut it off (and you sorta already have), but once you do, you're not going to get him back. Learn this lesson now: Once you chose to be "fuck buddies" with someone, they will never date you. They get all the goods up front. Think about this: Why would he want to date you? He's already got the sex from you... So why commit to a relationship? Also, he can sleep with other girls (and guys!). So why would he want to date you? What moral reason does he have to pursue a relationship? He doesn't want a relationship, and you were fooled by thinking sex was an indicator that he did. He used you for pleasure, and I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I wouldn't forgive him for that. Get over him Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 06, 2007 Mermaidman asks:   This is my first time asking for advice on this site, so I'll make it brief. I'm nineteen, and I've been dating this girl for a few months now. She's my best friend's sister, if that helps. My problem is that I'm terrified to try and kiss her. I'm afraid of a lot of things: she may not want me to, I might be a terrible kisser, or that I'll just plain screw it up. I think she wants me to, and I know I want to, I just can't work up the courage to actually do it. Any words of encouragement would be great. Thanks in advance. helpinhelper says:   lol... You've been dating her for a few months and still haven't kissed her? Dude - take the hint! She's practically begging you to kiss her! You're still going on dates? She's still saying yes? If she didn't like you, she would have started saying no by now. Just wait for the moment to come, and when it does, you've gotta go for it. You can't think about anything else - just lean in and kiss her. If you stop and doubt yourself for one second, the moment will blow over and you'll have missed it. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: January 05, 2007 Lissa4 asks:   I'm a 7th grader who has an ex-friend that is badmouthing me daily it seems at school. She is telling people i am a slut and whore among other things. Its really stupid because no one takes it seriously because we are 12 & 13 and just not there yet. Im almost glad its something like that because no one belives it, but should i just let it go and hope she stops or what? i tried to talk t o her but she wont talk to me. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, just let it go. The people who matter won't listen to her at all... She's just being a bitch and jerk who's trying to act all confident and better-than-you by putting you down. In reality though, she's just extremely insecure. If you just ignore her, she won't get her ego-boost, and eventually will realize that she never will get an ego-boost and stop. It's 7th grade... you're almost up to the high-school drama... hehe. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 05, 2007 tornbetween2sexes asks:   ok i really like guys, the only problem is, i think i might like gurls too. its really weird. i always thought i was straight, i mean i am, but i dk. i watched this movie the other night called D.E.B.S. its about like a big criminal chick and this spy chick who meet and like eachother and the other spies catch her in the bed w/ the criminal. da da da. the thing is i really liked it. i find some girls attractive ya know but yea.... please answer helpinhelper says:   So what's the worry? Or the rush? Look, if you're a bisexual, there's nothing wrong with it. The first line of your question says "ok i really like guys, the only problem is, i think i might like gurls too." - and my question for you is, why's that a problem? If you really like/love a certain guy or girl, you'll still only want to be with them. The gender of the other person does not change how things work... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 05, 2007 kippstodeath asks:   hank is 18 and im 14. he wont date me because im jail bait. i told him that he dosn't have to worry bout him getting cought cus i wont have sex with him and tell. most of our talking go threw our friends. like my friends r the messengers and i hate that. i have respect for my self but all the ppl at school think i don't because i will do just bout any thing to get him. wut should i do? because i dont kno if my doings r right or wrong... i cant sort ne of this out. helpinhelper says:   ... Honestly, it's illegal for a reason. The state thinks that he's too old for you - and I'll be your parents do too. He's making a smart and responsible decision and following the law, and you're mad at him about it? Why don't you find a guy you can be with without asking him to break the law? You need to be more considerate of his feelings rather than your own horniness... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 05, 2007 CHicagoBearsChikk asks:   hi okay i have a few things to ask. so first off, theres this guy that i kind of like but im not sure how he feels plus i havnt talked to him in a week because ive been gone on vacation and he hasnt responded to me emails, what should I do? Second, one of my closest friends and i got into a fight and i send her an email and she enevr wrote back, third my other friend i send her an email and she dint respond, but respoded to my sisters email(they're friends too) and last but not least, i feel very unwanted and invisible next to my brother..what should i do? should i stop worrying about all of these people??forget them? I just feel as if everyone is ditching me and stuff. please tell me what you think!!! thnx! helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I'd stop trying to solve your social issues through email. Email just isn't enough usually - and it's too easy to just not respond to one, or to not even get it. I don't check my email that often, so sometimes people I send it to don't respond for a long while... Try calling them or seeing them in person. I asume you just got back from Christmas break and school's going to start soon? Try to see them there. Maybe they're still on vacation. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 03, 2007 Siimplii_Mii asks:   Allright so theres this boy. and he was my first kiss, my first REAL true love and the first boy I ever considered my best friend. Well we went out 3 times (I broke up with him twice over stupid rumors that I later found out werent true. and he broke up with me once because he said I was acting different) well this boy moved abouta year ago and now hes in the army. We still talk tho.. He calls me 2 or 3 times a month. If anything were closer than we used to be. Even if we dont talk as much, w eshare more things with eachother. well right now hes in Iraq fighting in the war (hes 19) well the last ntime we spokie (about 7 months ago) we started getting into deep conversatins and it turns out he still loves me (i never stopped loving him) Theres no way I could be with him again because hen lives so far but as soon as hes done in the army hes supose to be coming bak to new york to live. Should I really wait for him or should I just get ova it and move on? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I think you should get over him and move on. Go and find other people to date, just have a fun time. Don't let a guy really far away completely restrict your options. If it's meant to be, it'll happen... But you're staying completely attached to a guy who's not there - maybe you should try breaking off from him a bit and seeing who else is there. You're probably thinking "But I love him! He's the only one for me! I could never date anyone else!" - And that's pretty much the evidence that I've got for what you need to do. That mindset is causing you to block out everyone else... And I don't think you should do that. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 03, 2007 just so scared asks:   Alright I get it...maybe i DO need to ask the boys out instead of waiting for them to come to me...the fact is that I am sooo scared to do it...I admit it. I have no problem flirting, but I can never get past that and make a move. I don't think I will get turned down but I am afraid to take the chance. Everyone tells me the boys are afraid to ask me out! I guess I'm just stuck...how can I get over this? helpinhelper says:   There's no secret to it - you'll get scared. It's natural and normal. You can't ask a guy you like out to the movies because you can't completely convince yourself that you won't get rejected - so you're afraid of that rejection. Honestly though, you don't have to ask a guy to be your boyfriend though. You can just ask him out to the movies. Show him you're really interested and he should get the hint - and then take him out to the movies and he'll be much mroe comfortable. A lot of guys get too scared to do things at school, so they just end up never making any movies. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 03, 2007 Intaris asks:   Since I moved to wyoming 8 or 9 years ago I've been good friends with a family in my church. The youngest child, Ben, has been my best friend since then. For a long while he was my only friend. Then roughly four years ago I started to notice his sister. I was twelve or eleven. Depending on the time of year she's only a year older then me. Anyways I haven't been able to stop noticing her. If there is one thing I want to do in the world it would be to just be with her, no sexual reference, just to be with her. Both of us are very strong in our religion and refuse to break it. But here's the thing. I'm only sixteen right now and her seventeen. By our religion we don't allow "teen" dating. We wait until we are atleast 18 so that we can have the thought of eventual marriage. I want so much to be with her, but know I must wait until I'm eighteen. Now here's my question. What can I do? Is there anything I can do in wait of my eighteenth birthday? Oh and for me I think I should point out that she is graduating this year, and probably will go to college next year. Not the biggest problem considering her older brother and sister come back to visit the parents atleast three or four times a year. Though problem it still seems since I will not be able to see her face for long periods of time in between... Another point to bring out. Nobody except one very good friend from work knows about this. helpinhelper says:   So your religion specifically dictates not to date before a specific age? Is that really reasonable? Whatever, I won't encourage you to go against your religion, but that really seems to be the only answer. The best advice I can give you is to stop and just slow down and rethink things. You're already thinking about marriage? Dude, marriage is something you think about after a year or two of dating, not before it. If she's going off to college, and you can't make any moves before she does, I really think you'll need to just get over her. It doesn't seem like it would work out. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 03, 2007 EllieGirl asks:   I've gone and got myself into a stupid situation and i don't know what to do or who to turn to. I've been best mates with a guy for years, and we've always been close. He's in a long term relationship with another girl. A while ago, he admitted to me that he likes me and said i make him happy. Anyway, we met a few days ago, and ended up becoming "intimate". I felt so happy yet so awful and ashamed at the same time. This is like me, but i can't resist. We spoke about things and he doesn't know who he wants , he can't decide. He assures me that he won't mess me around and said its up to me what i want to do. but im not really the one in control, he is. I'm so confused, and feel so stupid at the same time. He says he doesn't want to hurt me, but he is. I'm stupid enough to let him though, and to wait for him because i care so much. Please help me clear my head, i don't know who else to talk to. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, get over him... He's in a long term relationship with another girl. They're in it for the long term... And he can't breakup with her for you? How into you is he then? Sorry, but I really think you should just get over him. Sometimes love just isn't enough. He's not ready for a relationship. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 03, 2007 anon asks:   How can you mend a broken heart? helpinhelper says:   Time and fun. Get out and do something rather than just feeling sad or depressed. The best way you can mend a broken heart is to find some way to ignore it... And the best way to do that is to find something to do. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 03, 2007 kissqueen asks:   Hi! So I am 19 years old and recently got a new job. At this job there is this guy, and we have been flirting alot, and have gotten to be good friends. He often invites me to go out with him. The only problem is that hes a lot older than I am, he is 35. I have no problem with it, but other people do. My question is, are they right to have a problem with it? Should I stop flirting back? HELP! helpinhelper says:   Well... He's nearly twice your age. Society is going to have a problem with it. However, it's not their life, it's yours... Live your life the way you want. Don't let other people ruin it for you. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 03, 2007 confusednative asks:   Well me n muh bf broke up bout four months ago n well i still got mad love for him. we were da best couple. we never fought or had disgreeemnts. but one day we jus broke up for no reason. N well muh best friend which is also his best friend tellsme that he tells her he still loves n misses me. I was wonderin if i should ask him back out or should i jus leave him alone n move on? helpinhelper says:   Just leave it alone and move on. He's an ex - there's a reason that you two broke up, and that reason will still be there. It's like a 99% chance that you'll breakup again.... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: January 03, 2007 KittyKat asks:   What would be some signs that a guy likes you? And I mean other than the obvious... he tells you so. I dont want to directly ask yet... what should I be on the look out for? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the best thing you can do is ask him out on a date and see how it goes. Assume that he likes you and just do what you'd do if he did. If he likes the idea of dating you, he'll keep saying yes. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: January 01, 2007 NEEDiNG HELP! asks:   I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT IVE BEEN GOIN OUT WITH FOR 6 MONTHS AND ITZ BEEN GREAT UNTIL NOW. HES BEEN ACTING WEIERD AND I HAVNT BEEN REALLY TALKIN 2 HIM OR SEEING HIM AT ALL ANYMORE. IVE BEEN HAVING MANY DREAMS ABOUT HIM CHEATING ON ME BUT I UNNO IF ITS TRUE OR WHAT. HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE HIS BABY BECAUSE HE HAS A FEELING HE IS GNNA DIE, I AINT READY FOR A BABY CUZ I DNT GOT THA MONEY AND THE JOB AND IF HE DOES DIE I UNNO HOW IMMA TAKE KARE OF A CHILD BY MYSELF IVE WANTED TO BREAK UP WIT HIM MANY TIMES AND I CANT CUZ ALMOST EVERYTIME I TALK 2 HIM I FALL FOR HIS ASS AGAIN AND I DNT KN0 HOW TO BREAK UP WIT HIM CUZ I THINK I KINDA LOVE HIM SO PLZ HELP. helpinhelper says:   Honestly, quit with the drama... You've been dating 6 months? And you want to have children? Get back to the real world, and tell your guy to do the same. On average, people wait almost 6 years before they have children! And plus, it would be extremely irresponsible to bring a child into the world when you can't support him/her... Also, quit with the drama. You're dreaming about him cheating on you? So what? Dreams mean absolutley nothing. Dreams are triggered by having nerves hit in your sleep. You hear something, you roll over, something happens. The nerves trigger, and because parts of your brain are sleeping, they sometimes trigger memories or other things. Dreams are completely random - and freaking out about them is silly. If you have a concern or problem with the way he's acting, like not talking to you, distancing, or wanting a kid, the worst thing you can do is not talk about it. But have you tried just sitting down and talking about it? Honestly, just quit with the drama. It'll destroy your relationship if you can't control it. And right now, it seems out of control. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: December 31, 2006 Ineedtohelpher asks:   My friend's boyfriend just broke up with her and she always comes to me to make her feel better.....i'm kinda runningout of things to say....he broke up with her for a really retarded reason and i want to make her feel bette.What should i say to her? helpinhelper says:   There's nothing you really can say. I mean, if you think about it, everything that you could say would only bring about some emotion in her if she let it. You could say "he's a jerk," and she might agree with you or say "no he's really nice!" - It really depends on her. The best thing you can do is get her to DO something rather than just talk about her ex boyfriend. Go and see a movie, hang out, just have fun. Take her mind off of it by showing her a good time. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: December 31, 2006 ConfusedBoy21 asks:   i always submit questions but they never seem to be answered. why is this? helpinhelper says:   Well, first, submitting a lot (like this one) at one time can get them deleted. Second, it can take up to a week to respond. Third, questions can be deleted for any number of reasons. If you're looking for a more instant response, use the dating and relationship forum in our forums section. Many users will help out more there. Topic:   Friends Date: December 31, 2006 BizGuy asks:   I suck at organizing my writing so i may just be throwing stuff out. :). Anyway, im having a problem with my friend. okay so i have three really close friends, two of them are still in high school and i graduated last year so i dont see them as much, but pretty often still. but my one friend, who i say is my bestfriend cause we do almost everything together. we always hangout, go to the movies, the mall and all that stuff teens do right. About him, hes grew up half his life in Ukraine, came here (US) some years ago and we became friends about a year/half ago. Hes has terribly low self-esteem level and cares wut ppl think about him, never had a girlfriend and can’t work up courage to get one or a date, asks for advice but hates all the advice he gets from his friends, :\, b***hy sumtimes, ungrateful spoiled child, and does things that just make you ask why? But hes a real nice guy and hes pretty generous. But lately, hes kinda been pissing me off. Like I was away for christmas, hadn’t talked to him in like a week so I called and except for when I was trying to start conversation it was silent cause he was playing a game, I was too, but I was giving more attention to the phone call than the game. And that’s not the first time it happened where he just pissed me off and I just got in a bad mood towards him. I don’t get hella mad and stuff, it’s just like what the f**k, am I supposed to feel this way toward my “bestfriend”? I don’t want to be like f**k you and just stop talking to him, cause that’s happened to me (but for another reason) and it crushed me to lose a good friend. But if I ever did say something like that or I ask him, “what if I just stopped talking to you?” he would say sumthing like, “I wouldn’t really care”. That sound pretty messed up to me. We have things in common, but like, we don’t like the same music, im gay hes straight (and that’s very important cause when I came out a few months ago he was totally cool with that even though hes kinda homophobic, but nothing changed after I came out), we have a totally different outlook on like, im optimistic and hes really judgmental and thinks ppl who where all black and look goth are all depressed, stuff like that. So most of the time it’s like we have nothing to talk about unless it’s like computers, or games, or sumthing, never like serious stuff and sumtimes when we do I just think his opinions on stuff are just dumb most of the time cause the screwed way he thinks, but I accept we all have our own opinion. Maybe im expecting too much. So is this like a healthy relationship? I know how sum guys are but I’m supposed to be his “bestfriend” but it just ask myself why sumthimes and I all I can come up with is hes a good person and I enjoy his company. I also think he kinda needs me, im not the best person in the world, but im the only person he knows with like good mentality and stuff, and he always comes to me with questions for like carrier and educational dussision and real like situations. I just don’t think we communicate enough. I don’t really know how to put it. And vie had bestfriends in the past but this one is not as easy as those, maybe cause im older now, Idk. But like I said, does this seem like a healthy friendship? And is there sumthing u think I can do to make it easier, cause im really emotional internally, ill rarely show it. helpinhelper says:   That's really funny isn't it? - He really cares about what other people think about him, but doesn't care about what you think about him? My advice, get a new friend. Look, he might be a really really great friend, but you're putting in too much effort here. He should be at least meeting you with some effort, but he's not... Sorry, but he's not that nice a guy. If he treats his friends like that, I really question his "niceness." Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 29, 2006 wierdlyconfused asks:   hey, umm hi well i have a problem see ´my boyfriend broke up with me like 2 weeks ago and theres this guy that i started to talk to i startin talkin to him before my bf broke up with me and well he wants to ask me to be his girlfriend but i think its too soon i mean i like him but we both just got out of relationships but i really dont want to lose him! wat do i do?? thanx in advance! helpinhelper says:   Why not just tell him that? If he asks you out, just say "Look, I do really like you, but I just want to take it slow... I'm just not ready for a relationship yet, but I do really like you, and want to eventually be your girlfirend. Just not now." He should understand Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 27, 2006 kippstodeath asks:   well i came back for more help. cody an i broke up so i thought after some time that i sould ask hank out... so i tryed.i wrote a note to hank the 17yr old goth and my frined tiff gave it to him. he didn't want to tke it let alone read it. so tiff stood there an read it to him. he asked who i was.. then he knew it was me after she told him. he said "No.." (well he asked the girl he liked out and she said no.) i haven't talked to him at all.i have 3 options. A)i asked my friends for advice an they said that i should go up to him and tell him that i have a scret to tell him and kiss him on the cheek.. but i thought that was a bit dangorus and i didn't kno what justice that would do. B) should i try to be his frined and keep my lil love secret to my self C)should i forget him an move on. D) sit down an talk to him helpinhelper says:   Option C He rejected you - you need to move on. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 27, 2006 WSPgyrl925 asks:   This is complicated so try to stay with me... Ok well lately in the past couple months since about August i've been seeing this guy we'll call him Rigo, well we were dating for a couple months and for about a month I didn't touch him not a kiss or a hug nothing...1 he was my brothers friend 2) he was 3 yrs older than me att the time i was 15 he waz 18 and he had a gf but then one day we had our moments and then I winded up pregnant and after that we got in arguments bout wat we were goin to do till finally we lost it, through the whole thing he wanted me to get an abortion and I am totally against the idea he said i was being selfish by not thinking about him but i couldntj go through with something like that,finally after everything we stopped talking for about a month and a half till one day he called me and since then but i actually really liked him but then things changed after all this but now i only really talk to get to get more of him, but thats it and like I know hez doin the same with me...but all of this is hard becuz of everything i dont5 have feelingfs and ive only been with him...so its not like im with other people but do u think maybe i should end this or just let it run its course wat should i do? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I think you should tell this guy to fuck off. You have a child on the way to worry about! Do you really need this relationship drama right now? With a baby on the way? My advice - try to get your life as stable as possible so that you can be a good mother. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 23, 2006 Song of Songs 8:6-7 asks:   I'm must really pathetic to have to lay my problems online, I think I just need to know, am I living in a fantasy? My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago, we had been together a long while before. His mother and I are close, she tells me he still loves me, only that I have hurt him. I never meant to, I had so much and so did he I didn't want to add all my problems to his, so I pulled out of our relationship instead of talking with him. Now he refuses to talk to me. I've burried myself into my school work and my job. I've reconnected with old friends and I have tried to get over him. I thought I had, so I went out with a friend, and it hit me full on, I want to do something to talk to my ex again. I really care for him and even if we can't have a relationship, I want his friendship. My date I had, he was nice, very gentlemanly, but the whole time I was just.. unhappy. What should I do? Should I give my ex time? Should I talk with his mom? Should I try talking to him? I don't want to annoy or burden him. We both work together, but we never have shifts together. We're both very religious and its hard to figure out just what God is telling us. We still love (and this word I do not use lightly) each other, yet at the same time, we know its not time for an "us." I just don't think I can handle this silent treatment. He's older than me, yet I feel like I'm the one who's older. So am I running in circles for nothing? I appologise if this is just another one of those cliche topics. Thanks. helpinhelper says:   I really think you should get over him... Sorry, but he is an ex, and for some reason, things just didn't work out here. You need to accept the fact that there are reasons that he is an ex - reasons that aren't going to go away just with 'another shot.' Maybe you won't have the same breakup happen, but you might have other similar things that happen for those same reasons... Sorry, hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: December 23, 2006 anonymoose asks:   i keep lying to my friends, i cant stop but i want to before it gets me in trouble. what should i do? helpinhelper says:   Well, lying typically comes from a personality, especially consistent lying. So the only real way to just "stop" is to just "change your personality" - and I can tell you now, that is not an easy task. My advice is to go and do some self-reflecting. Why do you always need to lie to your friends? Why is the truth so terrifying? Why can't you trust them with the truth? Are you really that scared? Is it really that horrible that they might know something BAD about you?!?! Is it really that bad to be human? You need to know WHY you lie if you're going to try to change how often you do do it. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 21, 2006 joshpaul asks:   hey how do u get a girl to like you?i have a crush on this girl named chelsey.i have known her for a month.but never got the courage to ask her out.what should i do? helpinhelper says:   You can never get a girl to "like you" in that crush-sort of way. Crushes are typically just a physical attraction with a little extra personality attraction thrown in. So you can't just magically make her see you in a different light unless you actually do something different. The best thing you can do is ask her on a date (but you don't even have to call it a date!) - Just ask her to go see a movie sometime, just the two of you. Be a little more flirty and see how it goes. Dating isn't just a "big jump" sort of thing. You don't just one day going from barely knowing each other to boyfriend/girlfriend. You take small steps instead - start with just getting to know each other, then flirt a little bit more, then things that are almost dates... If she doesn't like where things are going, then she'll stop you. Otherwise, congratz! Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: December 20, 2006 roseemary07 asks:   soo....this isnt entirely a question...i just want some pure advice. okay today...i went up to this guy that i completely like...and i asked him to my senior prom. all i got was an "i dont know,maybe" he wasnt being rude or anything...it was just his answer. i feel so stupid for doing it..but it was like a relief. helpinhelper says:   Sorry, first, isn't prom a long ways away? I thought most Senior Proms were in Spring, not winter or fall... If prom is more than a month away, he probably gave you that response because he hadn't even started thinking about prom, and didn't see a reason to start. Also, do you really talk to him? Are you friends with him? or is he a crush that you admire from afar? He might have said that because he really doesn't know you, but wants to get to know you better. At any rate, try flirting a bit more and try just getting to know him better. After Christmas break, you can try asking him out to the movies, just the two of you. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 19, 2006 tikki2swt asks:   ok there is this guy and i used to work with him and ever since we started talking and hanging out i have liked him. and i mean i thought that he liked me bc he was always talking about sex to me and talking about doing things with me and when he came over to my house he was always slapping my butt and everything like that. well he had joined the military and went away for a while.. then when he came back i invited him to my bday party... and he chilled with me all day long and he took me to the movies later on that night... and he actually had me home and hour earlier than my mom said to be back... which was a good thing for her. and he like went to a friends house with me to play monopoly and stuff and he kissed my forehead. but then like later on he said that he liked me as a friend. and then my friend asked him today how he felt and he was like talking about he wanted a gf that he could take places and that if he wanted to get a room with her then he could. so i guess that meant that he was all about the sex. but i really liked him and i still do. and i would be wiling to have sex with him if it was really what he wanted and if , of course, i was ready... but i just really dont know what to do about it... PLEASE HELP ME! helpinhelper says:   Honestly, I would get over this guy... he is NOT worth it to you. First off, guys who really care about you don't just talk about sex all the time. It might come as a suprise, but the rumor about "all guys just think about sex" is NEVER true. If a guy thinks you're hot, he has to think about how he's going to get you in bed with him... He thinks about other things too, like how he's going to make you want it, how he's going to get rid of you afterwards, how he's going to trick you into thinking he cares, etc. Sex isn't the only thing on his mind - it's how to get sex without having to deal with a commitment. And this guy is exactly that. He's trying to get into your pants, and it's so obvious, and what's the worst thing is that it's WORKING. You're already "ready to have sex with him" - You're not even in a relationship with this guy! How could you possibly be ready to have sex with someone who's not even committed? It is a HUGE mistake to think that having sex will get a guy to go out with you. In fact - it is the exact opposite. One of the big reasons that people get into relationships is because they have a sexual attraction and want to act on it... And if you gave him sex up front, outside of a relationship, then what motivation does he have to go out with you? He's already got the sex and booty call... Look, really, get over this guy. I know he seems like a nice guy, but he's manipulating you in terrible ways... You want a guy who's caring - one that you can be forever with - one that's the real deal - one that'll hold your hand and mean it... And this guy will NEVER be like that. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: December 08, 2006 SHANS asks:   i was talkin to dis guy the otha night and we was talkin for 1 yr and he jus started bring up sex. i told him to come ova late night the otha night and he did and we started kissin and i was on top of him and he was dry humping me and started callin ma name but we wasn't having sex.THEN HE ASKED ME IF I WAS READY. AND HE SAID WHEN I DO HAVE SEX WIT HIM HES GONNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND BEND MY BACK OUT I REALLY LIKE HIM WHAT SHOULD I DO helpinhelper says:   Look, if you're not ready, then just don't do it. And if you're not in a relationship, just don't do it. He needs to commit to a relationship - he needs to PROVE to yout hat he's really into you, and the only way to do that is to make a commitment. All the kisses, all the sweet things, even just sex can all be a lie if he's not willing to commit. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 06, 2006  asks:   Ok so, last year(8th grade) this girl named Keely switched from private school to public school. I have had a huge crush eversince. Last Feb. i did this really stupid thing and put an envelope in her locker that had a ticket to the dance. At the dance she walked up with her friends and asked me if i had put it in her locker. I froze insantly. I said i didn't(I know now i shouldn't have, but i did) and they walked away. i still liked her and i decided that i would ask her to the 8th grade formal(end of the school year party). I asked her on a friday and she say she would think about it. on monday she said "I'm really really sorry, but i want to hang out with my friends." I was crushed. During the summer i couldn't get her out of my head. I was e-mailing one of my friends and she asked who i asked to the formal. So i told her and she said that she thought Keely would have said yes. She said i should ask Keely to a movie or somthing. School started and i still couldnt get her out of my head. I couldn't work up the courage to ask her to homecoming. But ive noticed that practically whenever i looked at her, she was looking at me. i think she likes me, but then why didn't she say yes when i asked her last year? PLEASE help me!!!(and please don't critisize on what i did, just tell me what i should do) helpinhelper says:   zOMG - She didn't say yes LAST YEAR... It's been a year dude! And maybe she did really want to hang out with her friends. Maybe her friends had asked her if they wanted to go as a group and she had already agreed. Ask her to a movie, just the two of you, and see it it goes there... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: December 06, 2006 When it comes asks:   Is there anyway to truely know what it be become of us after we die? I have been wondering this for quite sometime... helpinhelper says:   To truly know? Yes - it depends on what you have faith in. I know that there's something else after this - I have to believe that life just doesn't end forever... Think about it - do you think your life came out of nothing? Do you honestly think that you're just a big clump of cells that somehow create this illusion of life? Or do you think that SOMETHING else had to make it so? SOMETHING had to give you a soul and give you a life and make it so. It can't just be a giant coincidence that somehow we're on this earth with a soul and with food and everything we need and everything being so beautiful... Science might explain how it happend, but it can't explain why it happend. So yes, I believe that there is something that we came from, and there is something that we must go back to after death... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 06, 2006 ??????!!!!!!!!!????? asks:   So I recently got asked out by this boy. I just don't know if i love him or not. I live in a small town and i have know this boy all my life. but before we went out i had a huge crush on him so now that we are going out I have no clue how to act around him and what to say. I never felt this out of it before!!!! what do i do! helpinhelper says:   Why not just say yes? You don't have to love him to start dating him... You just need to like him! There's no reason not to say yes! You'll be fine - just be yoruself and have a good time. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 06, 2006 ZXstud asks:   hi, i wanted to know what to get my girlfriend for x-mas and i have an idea but i don't know. Plz help helpinhelper says:   Honestly, the best gift ideas come from the heart. Think about something personal that you could give her that would be really nice and really mean something to you, her, and your relationship. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 04, 2006 ???? asks:   Hi.. I'm currently involved in a relationship with an older man, a much older man. Anywho, it's a long-distance relationship he is a truck driver. We get along so well and we talk on the phone every night. It's just I don't do so well in long distance. I want to be able to actually be with him. I've seen him twice and we've been together for 3 months. I feel like it's going down-hill, when we talk anymore I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. It hurts, I like him alot. I have feelings for him, but I don't think I can do long distance again. I've had a long distance relationship in the past and it didn't work out.. Can anyone help me out here? I don't know what to do. helpinhelper says:   I'd end it and get over him and get a guy who can actually satisfy your needs. There are a lot of guys out there who have the potential to make you really happy - but the ones that matter are the ones that meet that potential. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: December 04, 2006 unfortuante_girl asks:   at school last thursday for lunch I usually go home and eat. I was getting in my car and since the back window was full of ice and I couldn't see there was nothing I could do but drive it and so I made sure no cars were coming which there weren't any and I quickly backed out which I did safely but once I got out and started shifting into driving forward I felt something like bump but I thought it was jsut ice since my car always has problems with ice so I ignored it and kept going, 3 night later or sunday night I hear that I bumped into this guy's car not that hard people are saying I didn't do any damage but I'm worried that this is gonna be considered a hit and run even though I had no idea. Now I don't know what to do since I don't want my license being taken away and I didn't mean to do it if I did but don't you think he was the one who hit me since I wasn't moving at all? Please give me some good advice and quick helpinhelper says:   First, go confront the guy about it. Tell him exactly what you told me, and you should be fine. Just be sincere and appologetic and willing to work it out. You won't loose your license, don't worry about that. But YOU need to be the one to confront him about it... Don't just let him find out. And just to tell you, don't worry so much about it. I got in a wreck about two weeks ago. Was in a parking lot, backed out too quick, hit the back of a car. It's not the end of the world. Just drive carefully! :-D Topic:   Self Date: December 03, 2006 echoalone00 asks:   I feel like the whole world is against me. The only person who gets that i need to be left alone is my coach. I dont like talking about my feelings cause that seems emabaressing. i dont trust anyone so there is no one to talk to i feel like i could be depressed but i would feel stupid admitting that. I want to kill myself but i hate causeing myself pain so i cant do it My grandma who i live with is always telling me im not good enough and i feel like its sunk in. I day dream all the time of what my perfect life would be and i have high standers for anything because of what i've seen i think im depressed because over last summer i saw 2 people die one had a heart attack and died in the pool the other was a year older then me and he was hit by a car. i was told that god takes people because something worse is going to happen in their lives and that comferted me for a little but the i got mad at everyone and felt like i wasnt good enof and now my graddes are dropping what should i do? helpinhelper says:   Go see a psychologist. Honestly, you're depressed, and you know it, and I know it. You've got all the signs. You want to be left alone, you don't want to be with people, you feel like the "world is against you," you feel like everything bad happens to you, your grades are dropping, you're getting irrtated easily... You're a smart guy - you know you're depressed... So go and get help. No, you don't need medication. But you just need someone who can help talk you out of your depression, and psychologists are the only ones who are trained to do it. Why on earth would you not allow yourself to be happy? Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: December 03, 2006 love=hate asks:   okay. i have had the suckiest love life ever. i am 15 and only had one boyfriend. and that only lasted for a week! he was weird. all the weird stalker guys like me. no guy that i ever like likes me back. they always go for my sister or my best friend and then after that doesnt work, they come to to get back with them. i will like a guy and they will kinda start to feel the same way until they meet my sister or best friend, and they both know that its against the unwritten rules to date a guy i like, which i really wouldnt care cause im used to gettin let down, so they stay away. but i mean, everyone i know tells me taht i am nicer and prettier than both of them, and i have a lot more guy friends than either of them put together, so whats wrong with me? i mean i have had offers to have sex, but i have turned them down cause im a strong-willed person when it comes to something that i can only lose once, but i mean, should i go out and do that? i mean neither my sis of BFF are virgins.. and now my sister is pissing away a really great guy that she met because she doesnt want a boyfriend, and shes teasin him, and he is confused and i have helped him and talked to him because i love helpin people with their problems anyway, and i just dont think that its fair to throw away such a good chance at love when there are people like me who doubt that they will ever find another week long boyfriend at the least, let alon e someone that loves me like they love each other!! they should be togethre and i hate it!! its notfair that i have no love life, and i think i should. i am about ready to become a nun and join a convent .. its not like im gonna find anyone anyway. helpinhelper says:   First, it would be a huge mistake to to go out and have sex just to get love. Sex isn't like that, and you know that... It's supposed to be a special thing between two people who love each other and want to get closer. It can make a relationshp better or worse, but sleeping around with a guy you're not in a relationship in is just plain stupid. It wouldn't mean anything! And pretty soon you'd just end up getting used for sex. No guy would really like you, they'd just like what you were going to do to them. Don't degrade yourself like that. It's true love can truly suck sometimes, really, I know. And at age 15, I REALLY knew how much it sucked. But the thing is, you don't need a boyfriend to be happy, and you're just going to have to realize that. If you think that you DO need one, then chances are that's the reason you don't have a boyfriend now... There's nothing wrong with you, you're just getting impatient. On a side note, and this'll probably help: when you find a guy you like, don't invite him to go hang out with your friends. He won't get to know you if he's hanging out with a group of people. Next time, ask him if he wants to go hang out JUST the two of you - like a date... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 02, 2006 someone asks:   About 3 weeks ago, I met this sweet guy and we've been in touch ever since. It's been a few days since we started considering each other boyfriend/girlfriend (hes my first) and I really want to see him. The thing is I haven't told my parents and my mom has a hunch that I like him because she told me. I do want to hang out with him alone but my mom said we could only go somewhere if she's around. I'm not really sure how to say it but I want to know if I should tell them. helpinhelper says:   ... First - how old are you? If you're old enough to like a guy and know he's sweet and know what boyfriend/girlfriend are, you're old enough to go on a date on your own... Seriously. My advice is ask your mom if you and her can talk, and just sit down and say "I really like this guy, and pretty soon he's going to be my boyfriend." and see where it goes. She cannot expect to be on every date, that's irrational and stupid. Eventually you're going to have to go on your own dates. On a different note: Keeping it a secret would be a big mistake. You're best off telling her. Hope this helps Topic:   Drugs Date: December 02, 2006 drugie? asks:   i started to smoke the other day and i dont kno why please help me i am only 13 i dont want to have lung cancer or cough a lot when i get older like my grandma does i am stealing her stuff HELP ME helpinhelper says:   Don't do it again, ever. You won't get lung cancer from smoking for one day, but you will if you smoke multiple days. Realize that it starts with "just one day." And then you think "oh, it was just one day... Once a month won't make that big a deal..." then "... I'm already doing it once a month. What's once a week?" then "...Once a week... Why not twice a week? Or three times? It won't make that big of a difference." And then you end up smoking every day until you die... Don't let it happen to you. Get above the influence. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: December 01, 2006 ninhurt asks:   Alright, I put the topic dating but it's rather both dating and friends. I used to date this girl for like six months, we were ok friends before, but when we broke up all things went like hell...I had a hard time dealing with it because she was my first relationship after coming out of a near-two year relationship with another girl which also ended horribly. We don't even talk anymore, well, she sort of talks to me, but I ignore her because she seems to have this weird attitude about talking to each other now. But recently I've been thinking about maybe trying to get along with her and maybe one day try to go out with her again or not but I'm not sure if I should, like, if it's worth my time. Part of me just wants to go back to when we were dating but other parts don't, but my friend told me i shouldn't even be thinking about dating when we aren't even talking. I just need help processing these thoughts, determining whether or not to try to mend things with her helpinhelper says:   I wouldn't. Look, time'll "mend" things for you, but she is an ex, and she's an ex for a reason. There is a reason that you and her broke-up, and at one time, you felt that reason was strong enough to end things for good. And that'll happen again. There are other girls out there, go for them. But this girl isn't worth your time... Sorry... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 30, 2006 Wondering asks:   I started dating this guy named Josh in november of last year. We dated for eight months and then finally broke up in July after a heated fight over something really stupid. We both heard from outside people that we were hated by the other person, so because of that one stupid fight we stopped talking for two months. Well in september we started talking again and then slowly we started hanging out more and more often. We share almost every friend we have, so it was bound to happen sooner or later. Then we started hanging out just the two of us, and he was take me out for a surprise night, and he would pay for everything we did; even though I told him not to. On sweetest day, he came over my house with a rose, to top it off. I still really like him, but I'm wondering where this is heading. He makes little jokes all the time about liking me, and tells me all the time he would do anything for me, but he has yet to really ask me out. He still introduces me as his friend when I met some of his friends, but the way he acts makes me feel like he wants more than friendship. We are together almost every night, and he acts the same way with me no matter who we are with.. im just wondering, if he likes me, why hasnt he said anything about us going out again? My bestfriend and I were hanging out with him one day, and she kinda brought up the subject, and he started freaking out and told her to stop talking about it. That was about a month ago. Im just really confused by what he wants, and even though whatever we do have right now is great, I want a relationship, not a weird friendship. What should I do about this? helpinhelper says:   ... It sounds like he definatly wants a relationship with you. Be careful though. Look at what happend over last summer - your relationship clearly wasn't that strong, even after 8 months. But yeah, he definatly has a thing for you. A rose? C'mon... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 30, 2006 sammi asks:   i apologise if a similar problem like mine has already been posted before. if it has, pls link me. thanks. its really my friend's problem, but id like some advice to help her. heres what happened: a year ago, she started dating her lecturer in college. Everything started really well, as all things go. I was kinda suspicious of this guy and id warned her not to give her heart 100% but she did anyway. Later she keeps telling me about him and how he takes care of her and reminds her to study and not be distracted and stuff like that. Basically, it seemed like genuine affection, from what she tells me. Lately, I hed been starting to think hes not such a bad guy after all. At least, he makes her happy and motivates her to do well, even put some optimism in her life! Shes a really pessimistic kind of person. Shes 19 btw. So, everything was going great. Yesterday, they even went for a movie and talked on the phone at night. Just an example how things were really going normal yesterday. Then this morning, she received a miss call from her boyfriend. So she called him back. A lady picked up. Apparently, this lady claims to be his wife and that they had been married for 3 years now and even has a kid. It shocked her ofcourse. That was a 7.30am. After that she called me crying and I just really want to help her get through this. Any advice? Thank you so much for any help. [and ofcourse, my friend doesnt know im posting this right now. Is this a breach of her privacy...? I hope it wont have any affect on whatever.] helpinhelper says:   Naw, all questions in here are pretty hard to dig up (though it's possible) - but you didn't use any names, and we keep confidentiality. As for what to do about your friend... There's really nothing you can do. It sounds like she got stabbed pretty bad, and unfortunatly there's nothing but time that can heal it. The only thing you can do is just be there for her and try to get her mind off things. Go see a movie, go hang with friends, just get her to have fun, because that's what she's going to have trouble finding. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 29, 2006 LoveThatFallenAngel asks:   i will keep it simple and to the point: my boyfreind wont hold my hand in school. he will when we are anywhere by ourselves and when were in the presence of adults.. but at school its a no no. he said its partially cuz he used to get really pissed off over PDA in the halls.. but also cuz its just weird. i REALLY want to be able to hold his hand in public.. and he knows this... any advice?? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, you can't force him to do PDA... If he doesn't like it, he's not going to like it and probably won't enjoy it at all. But you can get him to at least try it. Try asking him "Let's try PDA for this ONE day and you not complain and then we'll see how it is afterwards?" But really, there's not much you can do, and if he doesn't want you to do something physical, I'd advise you to not try it... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 29, 2006 secretttt ! asks:   alrite , see i have a boyfriend right . and we been goin out for 9months , and he asked me to give him a blowjob . i really want to . but when he asks me , all i do is laugh or get shy about it . ithink its because im not sure what to do :\ can u help me!? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, if you think you're ready to take your relationship to that level, and he is too, you shouldn't worry so much about "not knowing what to do." It's like kissing - at some point in time, you'd never kissed a guy before and had no idea what to do, either. But that didn't stop you from getting your first kiss, did it? If you're really insecure about it, you can use google. If you do decide to do it, communication is also key... Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: November 27, 2006 Confused asks:   O.K. Its this guy that I'm KRAZY about that I've had sex with over 21 times and its hurts me emotionally to do it with him because he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend but before I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend we never talked about us being together.we normally talk about sport AND OTHER THINGS.I feel in love with him last year but we start having sex the year before that and now i don't know what to do.I'm falling to deep in love with this guy and the girl he's with is MY BEST FRIEND'S COUSIN talk about drama but anyway everytime she says something about him I get the feeling that his using me and it makes me wanna cry.I wanna stop having sex with him but everytime he gets close to me,my mind goes blank.Its a way he touches me that confuses me.After it all over I end up feeling bad.I need someone with great advise before I make the wrong mistakes. helpinhelper says:   "Before you make the wrong mistakes" - you mean there are "right" mistakes and "wrong" ones? You're making a mistake by having sex with him when you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. You're making a mistake by allowing him to touch you and get you and use you. You're making a mistake by even existing in this situation. You're making the classic mistake of thinking you're in love when you're not. This guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with you - he doesn't want anything to do with you! Why do you think he keeps it a secret? So he can keep the relationship he really values alive, and not have to deal with you at all. Do you really think he cares about you? Because it seems like all he cares about is having sex, which is degrading you to his sex-object... Is that how you really want to be? My advice to you is to stop having sex with this guy and breakup with your boyfriend and find out what you REALLY want. What do you want sex to mean to you? Do you want it to be some throw-away thing that has no value other than how good it feels? Or do you want it to be something that exists in a meaningful and mature relationship? Because right now, you're not in any mature relationships at all... You're cheating on a guy you're going out with with a guy that's using you for pleasure. Start treating yourself right before you can expect to treat someone else right (because clearly you can't do that either [cheating]). Get over BOTH of these guys and find a real and meaningful relationship. None of these guys you're with will ever last... You can't stay faithful, and he can't stay faithful. Think of it this way: This guy cheats on his girlfriend... Why would he not cheat with you? The thoughts going through his mind are: "Hey, I can get sex with multiple people and get away with it!" - And you're only further proving that he CAN get away with it... He'd cheat on you even if he did ever want to date you (but he doesn't want to date you, he just wants you to get him off). Wake up, grow up, and take a step back... Just get out of the drama and THINK about things before you become truly lost. You're already getting close Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 10, 2006 dfein asks:   I know I promised not to post on this unless it is really serious. It isnt. I just need to ask you a question due to the fact I loved the answer you gave me "Save the answers you get on your computer. If you're ever compelled to ask again, go back and read the answers. The answers arent going to change." My question: Lets say I post a question into the forum and then I go back to see what answers I received, however, I only receive one answer but that answer solves my problem. So I copy and paste this answer into a word document should I just go back when I need to and look at that answer on Word or should I from time-to-time go into the forum for more answers? helpinhelper says:   Do you not think? Seriously... THINK about things before you ask them. Asking whatever question that comes to your mind is simply going to be annoying. What do YOU think you should do? What do YOU want to do? are you going to rely on other people telling you want to do your entire life? Are you so insecure that you become desperate for a response? My advice to you, as a person, is to stop and think more about who you are now and who you want to be, and do what YOU think you can do get there. Don't let your life be dictated by what other people think. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: November 10, 2006 alberto420 asks:   On October 22nd, my girlfriend broke up with me, because she wasn't ready to be committed to a relationship with one person, and we seemed like we would make it together forever. She really did seem heartbroken about her decision, and there were key factor in her life to persuede this decision. I don't know how much she really still cares for me tho she acts like she really does. I still love her with all my heart. She already is talking to a new guy, and I have even seen them kiss, tho she didn't mean for me to see it. We are still friends..and we're still completely honest with eachother (as far as I can tell) and she still wants us to be able to keep some of the promises we've made.. (last time we talked) While we were going out, I was invited to spend thanksgiving with her and her family. My family is not around for me to spend the day with. I am still invited, but I don't know how much she would really like me there, or even if she would, I don't know what kind of tension that might cause, and I really don't know whether or not I should still go. I havn't talked to her much, being she's always on the phone with other dude. And I've decided to stop calling. Any suggestions??? helpinhelper says:   Just get over her... She's gone. Stop calling, and stop thinkingabout her, and just get out and have some fun. It is possible. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 10, 2006 edddy369 asks:   okay...I'm 16 dating a 15 year old....we've been dating for bout 3 months now and she seems to ignore me most of the time.. i have no problem if she doesn't want to like be with me every second of her life but i mean we are dating..i like her alot..more then i have ever liked a girl before.. i sacrifice everything for her and she really doesn't clue in... we have a 5 day weekend coming up and she can only hang with me friday for like 3 hrs n the rest of the time she is hanging with her girlfriends n ther going shopping and what not...on one of the days she is going to the movies with 2 other guys and 1 other girl...but i'm not invited..for whatever reason... she is really close to her x-boyfriend...like really close...they talk probably as much as her and i do..she'll e-mail him and like say we need to hangout with 2 of her g/f's n stuff like that... she calls him her brother...he still llikes her...and he really doesn't like me considering i'm like a better hockey player n bigger and all that jazzz.... etc.. u kno that kinda stuff..... like it seems that she doesn't want to hang out with me... at lunch i asked her if she wanted to come to my house afterschool...she ssaid ok..so after school i sat and waited there for about 2 hrs than i just left.... at about 8 that night she messages me on msn saying that she couldn't hang out..like a call woulda been nice..i'm sitting at hoome..waiting and waiting..like i kno stuff can come up...but this kind of stuff has been re-occuring...and i really don't know what to do cause she isn't being a good g/f right now but i don't want to dump her because i really like her...but if she's being like this is she worth it? helpinhelper says:   Is she worth it? That's your question? You're just going to accept being pushed around and never let her know yow you truy feel? Let me ask you this - have YOU talked with her about what you just told me? Have you TALKED with her about it? Because it sounds like she's doing all these things, and it's bothering you... If something bothers you - the worst thing you can do is ignore it, especially when you're pretty sure it's not going to go away. My advice is to ask her about it and see what happens. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 08, 2006 naughty_kitty asks:   ok im 19 tis yr.ive been nagging to myself lately.im skinny n short.n people thought that im a small kid.i eat alot n it makes no different to my body size.i pity my boyfriend for he keeps listening to the same sentence saying that i want to grow fleshier. its like as if i hv no self-esteem at all. pls can sum advisor help me. *sigh. helpinhelper says:   haha, there are plenty of girls out there who would KILL to be skinny and short. If you're trying to gain weight, eating is probably not the best way to do it. Metabolism for a lot of people can kick in more when you're eating more... Try doing more muscle exersizes. Really though, there's not much you can do about your size when you're "too skinny' or "too short." My advice is just realize that people who nag you are just jealous.... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 07, 2006 juggalo_rider_hommie asks:   theres this gurl i at school that i like a lot and she already knos about it and it just kills me that she knos and does not realy care what should i do should i let it go or be persistant??????? ~juggalos 4 life~ helpinhelper says:   Honestly, if she knows and isn't doing anything about it... I hate to tell you this, but she probably doesn't like you, either. I'd just get over her... Find a girl who's as into you as you are to her. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 06, 2006 ScaredGirl asks:   Okay. I'm 16 and My Boyfriend is 20 Years old. He will be 21 Years Old In May. And It's Been Eating at my Brain... So Please Help. When He is 21 He said that he is going to drink if he wants and go to bars if he wants and I am not going to stop him. Well its scares me that he is going to drink and end up cheating on me, I talked to him about this but, it dont help, it still scares me. Should I be afraid or let it go, he has never cheated on a girl. But You Know Alchole Screws You up bad. HELP! ASAP! helpinhelper says:   ... Honestly, you need to trust him not to cheat on you. Alcohol doesn't make you cheat on people. It's still a choice that you make. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 05, 2006 DrivenButMisDirected asks:   Me and my x bf broke up about a month ago and i'd talked to him a few times after that...we're still sorta friends and all...anyways the story is that he kinda of cheated on me with one of my friends the sad part is that he actually came up to me and confessed about it. About a week or so ago he called me out of the blue so i asked what he needed...all he said wat that he missed me and that i would have every right to hang up on him or be mad at him still but the thing is...i didnt hang up and i wasnt mad anymore i mean he took the responsibility for wat he did and never once denyed about it to me. What really hurt was that last night i was going to the movies with some of myfriens and when we got in there we all sat down and about 3 minutes later in walks him and his mom and they sat right near us....no one had told them we were there they justcame and then noticed..he said hi and tried to talk to me but i was a little sad...but all my friends culd tell that i was happy that he was there. I really want him back and its so stupid becuz of wat he did but i actually fogive him for it...do u think this is something real or should i just get over it? helpinhelper says:   ... I think you should get over it. He's a cheater. Cheating is NOT just a one-time incident. It's a personality problem. Find a guy who would never even think about cheating. This guy is obviously ALWAYS tempted. He gave into it once - who's to say it won't happen again? Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: November 05, 2006 Distant Child asks:   Ok I met this guy on the internet!!! He said he loved me and I was stupid enough to belive him. Well everything was going good for the two of us. We were talking every day on the phone and online... so we decided that we were going to meet face to face!!! Well This guy found out about me talking to my ex b.f still n he got a lil upset. So he left me and he stayed away for a few days well more like a few weeks. But he finally came back saying that he wants to try n work things out, so I believed him again. Well we were on msn chattin n he just said a bunch of cruel things then said that we wouldn't work out!!! How the hell can I get over soemthing like this if I'm so attached to him. I've went so far that I carved his name into my skin with a razor I just want all this to stop but how can I do that? helpinhelper says:   ... Well, it was a mistake to "care your name in your skin with a razor," and I hope you relaize that now. But even though you have that, you still should break it off with him. Look, the fact is that he is not there... He is miles away. It's not going to work out. Accept it and move on. Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: November 04, 2006 friend of a friend asks:   okay..my best friend is pregnant ,and she refuses to see a doctor. How can i get her to go see a doctor..? helpinhelper says:   ... She eventually will end up seeing one. The hump will form and people will start asking... She'll have to accept that the baby is comign. Look, just let her deal with her business... Her pregnancy should not be your concern. Topic:   General Date: November 04, 2006 ksanthoulis asks:   im adopted and i want to find my birth parents. i have find out that my birth mother is in jail and no one can see her. i have tried to find her via the search sites in the internet but they want money and i cant afford it. what shall i do? helpinhelper says:   Honestly, there's not much you can do... There are some organizations that helps addopted children find their birth parents. You can utlize that. But do realize that if your mom is in jail and you need money to bail her out, you might have to wait a bit longer to meet her... Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: November 03, 2006 christine asks:   Hi, sorry to keep messaging you like this but I have found another question I want to ask. I know you're not an expert or anything but I was hoping you could give me a few examples on how to tell someone like a friend or teacher, I can't exactally just say, "Hey, I hear a voice in my head telling me to hurt people." and not seem a little crazy. Also, if I tell a teacher they have to do something and it will end up with me losing everything, same with a friend if I tell them how can they help me? They can't they're just kids too. I'm sorry if this is too much but I hope it gets answered helpinhelper says:   I would tell a teacher rather than a friend. Just say that you need to see a counselor and can't tell your parents, and you don't want to tell them why. You do NOT need to tell anyone except a professional what's going on or why you want to see them. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: November 02, 2006 Thinking, Wondering asks:   well, i have a crush. his name is Tony. i love his sense of humor, but i dont think he likes me. we went out when we were like in 4th grade but....we were like 11!! wen im aound him i fell like ive never felt b 4. i really like him but i dontknow how to tell him. what do you suggest?? helpinhelper says:   Why tell him? My advice - ask him for a date. You don't have to call it a date - but just ask him if he wants to go out and see a movie. If he likes you, he'll let you konw then. And it'll be easier for you to flirt when it's not so public. Hope this helps Topic:   Family Date: October 31, 2006 bratty_brat14 asks:   My family is always arguing but me. What should i do helpinhelper says:   Talking about it is typically a good idea... If you really don't like everyone arguing, just tell them to stop and how it makes you feel. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: October 31, 2006 christine asks:   christine asks: I am 15 years old and I am losing my mind, I keep wanting to kill myself. Honestly what is the reason we're all here? I keep thinking that and I hear this voice telling me that there is'nt one and I should just throw myself from my bedroom window and die( I honestly hear a voice). Now the voice is a female's voice and she scare's me, she kind of takes over my thoughts, tells me to slit my wrists and trust no one but I try to ignore her, it's so hard not to listen to a voice that convinces you are your thoughts. I've fell victom to her demands before and have cut myself and well it was kind of comforting so I trusted her more and more, now I feel like she has control over me and I need her to stop, when I am alone this whole thing gets out of had. She can manipulate me into doing anything, I scream at her aloud and do what others might see as talking to myself but I am not, she is responding to me. What do I do to make her stop? Here is the worst part, she tells me to hurt people. My friends have other friends that I get jealous of and the voice, she tells me that I have to get rid of the competition, to hurt them, the same with a guy I like. I can't tell my parents or teachers, I'm not dumb they'll just think I'm crazy and I'm not I just need her to stop please tell me anything I can do to make her stop before I hurt someone, something I can do besides 'get proffessional help' please. helpinhelper says: Though this question sounds kinda fake, I'll answer it anyways. Look, there isn't anything you can do other than get professional help. You've lost the ability to help yourself, so just admit it and do something about it... Tell SOMEONE and get help. Hope this helps ______________________________________ Sorry, but your advice didn't really help. This is a real probem, not fake and I can't do anything about it. I can't 'get proffessional help' I really can't, if I tell anyone they will get angry at me and probably beat me saying that I'm insane and that I should die. I don't want to hear that, especially from my own family and as far as teachers go, I love my school if I tel a teacher I will lose the one thing that I think keeps me sane, my school. I will probably be kicked out and I don't want that, I need something else. I know I haven't really given you any options here for you to advise me and I'm sorry but maybe you know of another way? Thank you. helpinhelper says:   Well, the first thing you should really accept is that you're not insane. Coming on here and asking about it proves that... And the second thing you should accept is that no one is giong to yell at you. If you honestly think your parents would, tell a teacher, or a friend, or just call a depression-hotline. Just tell SOMEONE. That really is your only option... Like I said - you've LOST the ability to help yourself... So if you want help, you need to get it from someone else. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 29, 2006 blinded by love asks:   ive been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half and we are so in love. My family dosent think he treats me right. But i love him. When we fight we really fight and he will say a lot of mean things to me, and i will mostly appologise. I dont hang out with my friends that much because i love him and want to be with him all the time , but my mom wants me to hang out with my friends more. i havent met his family because in his religion he is not allowed to date so, he tells me they know about me but i cant be around the house because hes not loowed to date. I love him to death and i want to be with him but is my family and friends seeing something i dont? helpinhelper says:   ... Look, if your boyfriend is not taking YOUR concerns seriously, there is a problem. You need to meet his family - and you will eventually. Talk to your boyfriend about it and DONT let yousrelf get into a fight. If he gets really mad and angry, just stay calm and tell him that he's getting angry over nothing and needs to be able to just talk about your problems. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 29, 2006 VHS_ROGUE08 asks:   how do you get to be on the advice panel? helpinhelper says:   Advisors are chosen for this website by their ability and consistency. If you want to be part of the advice panel, you need to prove that you can consistently give good advice on a regular basis. The best way to do this is to participate in our Dating and Relationships forum. If you always give out good advice, it will get noticed. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 29, 2006 XohloveuuXoh asks:   I've known this guy for about four years and i really like him but i don't know how he feels about me. Should i wait for him to make the move or what? im so confused helpinhelper says:   If you wait for him, you might be waiting forever. You'll have to make a move yourself... But ti doesn't have to be absolutley huge - it could just be going and hanging out, just the two of you. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 29, 2006 gril25 asks:   i used to cut my self i quit but i did 2 on my arm a week ago and my bestfrien"adam" was "Touching me" like grading me we play like thatand he saw the Marks on my arms old and new and asked me about it i said nothing should i tell him the truth he is really worried about me helpinhelper says:   He already knows - you don't need to tell him anythying. In the mean time, tell your mom about your cutting problems. It is something that needs to stop. Eventually your body will become numb to cutting, and because you get used to pain dealing with stress, yuou might do something really damaging. Just get help. Cutting is a BAD thing. Do you WANT to be cutting? Then why not do something to stop it? Hope this helps Topic:   Family Date: October 29, 2006 wonderingsister86 asks:   ok my sister had bulemia over the summer and part of last school yr but she overcame it by herself it was hard for her but she did. now she feels like she is gaining weight but lately she kind of has been eating alot so she has been sneaking in and taking laxatives i found them yesterday in her closet. she took 12 already and i read the back and it said dont use for more then a week but she has been. is this a sign of bulemia? because my mom has been watching her to make sure she doesnt throw up anymore. shes my little sister i'm 20 and shes 14. i'm really worried about her and i can't talk to her about it first because the only think she'll say is please don't tell mom. i tryed when she was bulemic earlier. but i don't know if the laxatives are a sign of bulemia again or if she just needs them. i doubt she needs them. but she hasn't had them for a long period of time. and lately she's been trying to watch her weight like alot. she'll eat a regular normal sized meal then look in the mirror and she'll just sleep. she lost 35 pounds from june-august. but as i said i don't know can laxatives be a sign of bulemia again? any help would be greatly appreicated. helpinhelper says:   ... Tell your mom. It's that simple. Just tell your mom that you know your sister is having problems. Bulemia is not just a thing that you turn on and then turn off - it is a mental problem and can do tons of phsycial and psychological damage if not adressed properly. So tell your mom and get her help. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: October 28, 2006 christine asks:   I am 15 years old and I am losing my mind, I keep wanting to kill myself. Honestly what is the reason we're all here? I keep thinking that and I hear this voice telling me that there is'nt one and I should just throw myself from my bedroom window and die( I honestly hear a voice). Now the voice is a female's voice and she scare's me, she kind of takes over my thoughts, tells me to slit my wrists and trust no one but I try to ignore her, it's so hard not to listen to a voice that convinces you are your thoughts. I've fell victom to her demands before and have cut myself and well it was kind of comforting so I trusted her more and more, now I feel like she has control over me and I need her to stop, when I am alone this whole thing gets out of had. She can manipulate me into doing anything, I scream at her aloud and do what others might see as talking to myself but I am not, she is responding to me. What do I do to make her stop? Here is the worst part, she tells me to hurt people. My friends have other friends that I get jealous of and the voice, she tells me that I have to get rid of the competition, to hurt them, the same with a guy I like. I can't tell my parents or teachers, I'm not dumb they'll just think I'm crazy and I'm not I just need her to stop please tell me anything I can do to make her stop before I hurt someone, something I can do besides 'get proffessional help' please. helpinhelper says:   Though this question sounds kinda fake, I'll answer it anyways. Look, there isn't anything you can do other than get professional help. You've lost the ability to help yourself, so just admit it and do something about it... Tell SOMEONE and get help. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 28, 2006 sam asks:   My boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago. He took it worse than I did and I ended up having to comfort him the night it happened. He said he couldn't stand the fact that he hurt me and kept apologizing so I thought he'd be different from the other guys. He's one of those guys you can call when you're upset about something and will talk to you for hours until you feel better. He was afraid 'd never talk to him again and I'd hate him. I didn't hate him and we ended up talking it over and things were ok again.. it actually seemed to go back to normal. I just tried to talk to him by sending him a text message but he seemed like he was mad. I'm confused as to why he'd be mad since we are supposed to be alright again. helpinhelper says:   ... Honestly, he broke up with you. He's an ex now. I'd get over him and find another guy. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 28, 2006 tikki2swt asks:   ok i have been friends with this guy for almost a year. and i like him SOOO much. so i asked him if he liked me and he hesitated and was like we are friends. and then he kept asking me why but i told him that i just wanted to know. but i didnt tell him that i like him bc i dont want to try to like talk him into feeling something for me. and i really dont want to lose him as a friend. but then again it is so hard to just be his friend. bc i want more than that. but i dont know how he really feels. what should i do? helpinhelper says:   Just hang out and start dropping subtle hints that you like him, and see what happens. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 28, 2006 mortifiedlove016 asks:   I guess this is kinda more for friends and dating but here goes: Ok, my best friend had found this guy she likes and she wanted me to come to a party to try and play match maker for her. Well the more I hung out with him the more I realized I was falling in love with him. Then she told me and him that she didnt like him....so i thought yes im in the clear. I saw him again at the YMCA pool. I hung out with him and we talked and somehow i ended up sitting on his lap. I freaked out when I got home and my best friend had left me a message saying "Im goina kick your ass. Stay the fuck away from Nick you bitch" Shes my best friend. I talked to her and promised Id never go near him again. She said that wed let him pick and the other wouldnt be hurt. Well I dont want him to pick so we agreed to share him. I dont want that either, in fact Im not sure what I want. Should I follow what my friend wants and not bother him or should I follow my heart and do something about my dead heart??? helpinhelper says:   ... Honestly, all is fair in love and war, and guy liking you and not her isn't your fault - it's hers. Even if you weren't there, it wouldn't change the fact that he doens't like her in that way... It sounds like you've got a lousy friend, and should just dump her and go ahead and try to get this guy. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 27, 2006 GawdKnowsWho asks:   Hey, theres this boy I really like. Which is a change, because in genral I am quite antisocial when it comes to people. He is my first crush. I think about him 24-7. I have fantacies of him and am just obessed. There are a few problems with this situation though. I am really shy. I can't talk to anyone outside my family without blushing. He has people who are 'perfect' with him all the time. So, why would he pick me? Then there is the fact that I haven't a clue if he is taken. The type of relationship I have with him is that I am the person who he says 'hi' to in the corridor anddd I am totally insolated in where I live, so even if I do get far enough, I won't be able to go out. I live in the country. Five miles from anybody elses houce. I have tried my best to stop thinking about him. But I can't, he is on my mind like bees on honey. Oh, and I'm quiet I sometimes go days without saying a single word. Help...please? helpinhelper says:   Look, the only way you can get rid of you "antisocial tendancies" is to force yourself into the situation of tlaking to him. It takes practice, just like everything else. So just go to him and start talking with him and see what happens! The world isn't going to blow up or anything... Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: October 26, 2006 Being in love asks:   Well I have a problem. Well i have a boyfriend but lately at school guys have been noticing me. I started talking to this on guy in general and he's two years older than me and I started having feelings for him but I don't think he feels the same as I do. When ever I see him the hallway he gives me a hug, but I don't know weather he's just leading me on or acually likes me I've never really told him I liked him but I think he knows I like him. I really love my boyfriend and I like him I'm afraid that my boyfriend my accuse me of cheating on him if he seen me with him but just as a friend. And I don't want him to think I would ever do something like that to him. The other guy knows I have a boyfriend but I don't know weathr I should tell him I have feelings for him. Please help me. helpinhelper says:   But you're not seeing him as "just a friend" - you have feelings for him and are going while acting on these feelings... If you like two guys at once, you shouldn't be dating anybody until you can get over one of them and make a choice... Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 26, 2006 Clueless asks:   How do u give a hickey? helpinhelper says:   Hickeys come from essentially "sucking" on the skin... I wouldn't recomend giving someone else one, as they're very obvious and ugly... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 26, 2006 stuckers.... asks:   i am going out with my guy friend of two years...we've been going out for two weeks...the problem is, is that he's a really great friend, but he's really clingy and emotional...i like him and all but it's kind of getting out of hand...so i kind of want a "break" from him...AND for some reason i like his friend that i just met a couple days ago...what do i do? helpinhelper says:   ... At two weeks? Look, it's pretty clear this relationship isn't turning out the way you had hoped it would. I would dump your boyfriend... Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 25, 2006 lindzie098 asks:   ok, so my friends are mostly guys we have three girls in are like 10 group so any way kelsea is a cutter who is dating one of by best friend austin who act all weird around her thats why I dont like hanging out with them when they where around each other. then there is a guy named taylar who I like who is madly in love with kelsea and that sux big time. well kelsea still likes taylar. so they meet at longs peak where I go to school. And I live by there so they where very kissie. I know that they where kissing. so I call up my other frind amber how lives by austin who is going out with kelsea.And Amber told austin adout it who wasnt to tell anyone he knew. than the next day at school he going up to kelsea and taylar and ask whats going on. now my table isnt my tabe any more cuz of austin. I cant set there cuz taylar and kelsea have turn everyone to hate me and amber. austin didnt even dump kelsea for cheating how gay is that. WHAT DO I DO? helpinhelper says:   ... Honestly, you can sit where you want to, and you shouldn't just be passive to the treatment that you get from them. But also, you should stop making up rumors. Let them live their own lives. You don't know if Taylar and Kelsea were kissing - you didn't SEE Them kiss, you just "know it," but in reality, the only people who know what happend are those two. And even if you did "know" it, it's none of your business and you shouldn't have gotten involved... They can't make people "hate" you though. Hate is the opposite of love, and you can't make anyone "love" someone else - thus you can't make anyone "hate" someone else either. So just try to mend what damanage has been done and go from there. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 25, 2006 lora89 asks:   Hiya. There’s this guy I really like at College, he lives near me and we got on the same bus. He was being really nice to me on the way home today, and we were having a text message conversation, you know where you write a message, then pass the phone back? He asked me if I was single, what my last boyfriend was like, and how far I went (but he said I didn’t have to answer if I didn’t want to) and then he asked me if i wanted to go out on Thursday!!! I don’t know if he meant it like a date, or just meeting up as mates. Anyway, I’m so happy!! He always says hi, and always makes me laugh, knows when I’m upset and always cheers me up! He’s so sweet. and he’s not like most guys where they push you into doing something you don’t want to. What do you think? Does he like me? Could you give me some tips as well for tomorrow, or for whenever really, like flirting tips, anything really! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, i really don’t want to mess this up. Thanks so much for your help x helpinhelper says:   Yes he likes you, so you really don't need any flirting tips. Just make sure you take it slow and don't go too far. He's definatly interested, but make sure he's interested in YOU and not your body or something... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 25, 2006 lil punk girl asks:   iam with my boyfriend weve been together for almost 6months and he relly wantes to meet my parents. but i am afraid for him too meet them because they are the type to judge relly quick if they like him or not . and because of this i'm scared because in the past right after my ex's have meet my parents they have decided they dont like him and have made me break up with them . so can ya help me helpinhelper says:   Honestly, he's going to have to meet your parents sooner or later, and it's best to do it sooner. As strange as it sounds, parents LIKE to know what's going on in your life and would like to know who you're dating. Right now, all they know is that every weekend or so you disapear to go out with some guy they haven't met... Just make sure he's dressed nicely (nothing fancy, but like khaki's and a collared shirt or something... A little more than casual, so to speak), has good manners, and is genuine. What parents want to see is a nice guy who respects them and can also provide a future for their daughter... So make sure he's that guy. If things go badly, cross that bridge when it comes. But your boyfriend and parents DO need to meet sometime, and they will eventually, and it's in your best interest that they do. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 24, 2006 countrygurl_16 asks:   well i have this "guy friend" and he is really cute. the prob is , 3 of my BFF's have all gone out w/ him. i kno he sounds like a player but i dont think so. we have much more in common than he did w/ the other girls. we both like to hunt n hang out n watch sunday night football. im gettin the fellin he kinda likes me 2 bcuz at school ill see him in the halls and he gives me this flirty "i wanna do you" look. he also likes to pick on me like little boys do in the first grade when they like a girl. WHAT SHOULD I DO?? helpinhelper says:   Three friends have all gone out with him and it hasn't worked? I would get to know him a little better... You have a few things in common, but that doens't garuntee that a relationship is going to work out... Just take it slow and be careful if you do decide to pursue something. You should learn from your friends' experiences. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 23, 2006 Becky asks:   I REALLY like this boy, Nick. He is really cute. He is a bit nerdy and quiet, and he has NOT hit purbery, cause he's short and thin, but hes funny, SMART, and friendly. Besides, he has his own charm! Unfourtunaley, he has NOT noticed me AT ALL! None of my friends know i like him, but i like him SO MUCH! I am WAY to shy to even think of asking him ANYTHING. So, i need subtle ways of getting him to notice me. I will DIE (not really, but it feels this way)if he doesnt notice me soon. :( helpinhelper says:   Just go up to him and spark up a conversation... That's really all there is to it. Introduce yourself and start talking. There's no secret here to getting someone to notice you other than forcing them to notice you... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 23, 2006 en-dee asks:   hey there! how are you? i was wondering, is it ok if i like my boyfriend but i am not in love with him? he means so much to me and we can talk about pretty much anything. i care about him a lot and he treats me very well. so yeah i was just wondering if it will come in time maybe? helpinhelper says:   I'm fine, thanks for asking. Yes, it's fine to date a guy that you like and aren't "in love with." A lot of people do it... I don't believe in love at first sight - I believe that love is something that develops over time - it's a deeper connection that forms between two people once they realize that something good is definatly happening. The advice I always give to people asking "Am I in love?" or "What if I'm not in love?" is - What's the hurry? Why do you need to know if you're in love or not? What you and your boyfriend obviously have is a good thing - why does it matter what it is? Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 23, 2006 ready to die asks:   i cant take life anymore.i plan on ending it some time, whats an easy way for my parents to find out about me killing myself? helpinhelper says:   Well that's interesting... You WANT your parents to find out that you killed yourself? It sounds like you have a classic case of "suicide for attention." Why don't you try telling your parents what you just told me? "Mom, Dad, I can't take life anymore and desperately need help." - I'm sure that they can help you. Or you can just tell them "Mom, Dad, I need to go see a psychologist and I'd rather not tell you why." - They don't even have to know, and legally, a psychologist can't tell them what you and him talk about... Just don't kill yourself - it's really not worth it. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 22, 2006 ex's can be friends asks:   is it okay to go to the movies with an ex, not on a date and just as friends, if you have a boyfriend too? my boyfriend already doesnt trust my ex, so would it be any better if i had other friends there also? helpinhelper says:   Well... This is a hard one. If you go to a movie as "just friends" with an ex and only him, technically you're not breaking any rules and you're not cheating and your boyfriend should trust you. However, it is something that will make most guys uneasy, and you have to ask yourself if it's worth that. If this guy is a RECENT ex, I wouldn't go, simply because you know your boyfriend isn't going to like it, and it's probably not worth it. But if this guy is an ex from like two years ago, you can try to get your boyfriend to be okay with it... If you bring other friends, that will definatly help ease the situation between you and your boyfriend, and it'll make him a lot more comfortable. You could even suggest that you bring your boyfriend with you to see it? Ultimately though, you need to ask yourself if this ONE outing as "just friends" is worth risking some arguements and uneasiness in your relationship. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 22, 2006 nosey ex asks:   My best friend recently told me that a guy I'd gone out with about 6-7 months(we broke up cause he cheated on me multiple times) ago has been asking about how my current relationship is going, If I've mentioned him lately and if he would have a chance with me again. My friend has told him more twice that My relationship with my boyfriend is great and that I'm not interested in him like that. what can I do to get him to stop this without hurting his feelings? helpinhelper says:   Look, it's a free world, and he can ask your friend all the questions that he wants. If you have a problem with it, you can tell your friend, but you really don't have any right to tell him to back off of someone else. Just don't let it bother you, and tell your friend that it annoys you. Hope this helps Topic:   Self Date: October 22, 2006 advisor in training? asks:   Do you need any more advisors? And how can I be one? helpinhelper says:   Advisors are always on the recruitment. They come and go from this site, so we're constantly on the lookout for replacements when they come. If you're looking to be one, the best thing that you can do is go to one of the advice forums here and prove yourself there. We look for people who consistently give quality advice on a regular basis. The best way to prove that you've got that is by going on the forums. Hope this helps Topic:   General Date: October 21, 2006 dramaqueen142378 asks:   i just found out that im pregnant. three months ago i forgot to tke the pill and i think i slept with about 20 or so guys so i have no idea who the father is. i told my step-dad (long story as to why) and he has banned me from getting and abortion. i dont wanna have the baby but i cant get rid of it by abortion unless i wanna get kicked out of the house. im kinda screwed as to what to do. ive been talking to my shrink but she agrees with my step-dad and i really dont know wat to do. im only 15 helpinhelper says:   Go to planned parenthood and examine your options there. That's really your only choice... When you sleep with a guy, you need to be mature enough to accept the consequences. And if you sleep with multiple guys, the consequence for that is going to be not knowing who the dad is... So yes, you're going to be a single mom. If you've only slept with one guy in the past month, get dna testing. Otherwise, you're S.O.L. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 21, 2006 Me asks:   What are some things you would suggest doing to help yourself separate feelings after you realize the chances of going any further with your best friend are much slimmer than they were before? We actually decided several months ago that it was a definite possibility and we acted like more than best friends anyway, but he has started to back away a bit to take care of other things in his life, and after a long discussion several days ago, I get the feeling that he's leaning more towards staying friends again/permanently, even though there's that slight chance still in the distant future. I'm not afraid of losing him completely because we really are close friends and we'll continue to be so, but I want to be able to give him that space he needs, and in order to do that, I need to separate those feelings out. I know they won't go away completely, but do you have any tips or advice to help me create that distance without becoming emotionally detached from him entirely? helpinhelper says:   Are you asking how to get over someone without losing a friendship? From personal experience, the problem is that every time you see them, you'll cling to even the smallest chance. It's like every time you see them, you feel rejected again. The best thing you can do is just tell them that you need to put your friendship on hold to sort some things out. Or if you don't want to do that, just try to drift away for a bit. If the friendship truly is a strong one, you should be able to get it back. Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 20, 2006 Mika asks:   I was listening to this old song on the radio called Its In His Kiss talking about how to tell if your man really loves you that its in his kiss. Well its been bothering me because my boyfriend doesn't kiss me and i'm not trying to base the relationship on what we do physically but i mean it would be kinda nice if he showed more. helpinhelper says:   He doesn't kiss you? Ever? That's fairly strange. Have you two kissed at all yet? Maybe you should take the initiiative and kiss him first? hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 18, 2006 brissy_09 asks:   Well I am 15 years old and I have been dating this guy for 5 months and he asked me to marry him and i said yes but now i am thinking i should not have said yes...this other guy i have liked for a long time...well i found he likes me...and he said he loves me...and i dont know what to do!! Help Me helpinhelper says:   ... You're 16 What the hell are you doing getting married? Or even getting engaged? You have so much growing up left to do! That's why the alcohol age is 21! Look, just tell this guy you're dating that you don't want to get married quite yet - that you'd rather wait until after college. If you're going to be together forever, then it shouldn't make that much of a difference.... If you're crushing on another guy, you should end the entire relationship with your boyfriend completely... Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 17, 2006 Bambi92 asks:   Well lets start from da beginning. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 8 months then we broke up for like 2 weeks and we just started going together again last wednesday. During da 8 months we didnt do anything besides touch and hold hands and stuff like that but now since we started goin back we have been doing that and more(such as kissing). Now he has told some of his friends that he wants to go a little farther with me now but I really dont know. I mean I love him with all my heart but I dont want to have sex with him and then we break up and he never speak to me again. Another reason I dont know is that I am really kind of scared of the consequences of having sex. Such as pregnancy and STD's. I mean my mother wouldnt appreciate it if I just threw my life away like that. I mean we both are like at the top of our student body and we dont want to risk all of that but we also both love eaach other and wants to have sex. I am really confused on what to do right now. Could you plz help me out? helpinhelper says:   Three things need to be ready before you have sex: 1) You 2) Your partner 3) Your relationship I can tell you now that your relationship is NOT ready for sex, no questions asked. You JUST broke up - you're back at square one. Why don't you make sure that this guy actually is the really the one? I mean, how do you know he won't leave you again? He's already left you once. Because he said he wouldn't? Because you trust him? If you trust him - you're being very foolish. He just betrayed your trust... So clearly, your relationship isn't ready for sex. Also, you will remember your first time for the rest of your life. Don't you remember your first kiss ever? Your first boyfriend? You will always have a connection to your "firsts" - first kiss, first boyfriend, etc. Well, the first time you have sex will be like that, only so much more powerful and it will leave so much more of an impact. Are you sure that this is the guy you want that to be with? What if you and him break up? Do you want to have a connection with him for the rest of your life? Is that smart? I really don't think it's a good idea for you and him to be having sex.... if you're going to though, here are the things you should know/do: 1) If you are even THINKING about it, you should get on the pill. Ask your mom to take you to get it. There are a lot of health benefits along with the other ones... The pill is probably the most effective form of birth control other than surger and abstinence. 2) You both should get tested for STD's. If you don't have an STD, and he doesn't have an STD, then you won't get any from doing sexual stuff. But get TESTED for it - don't just look at it and go "oh, looks normal." - No. STD's don't always take an actual apperance. Example: Genetial warts is something that you don't always SEE - but it's still there, and you can still give it to other people. If you do do step 1 (getting on the pill), they'll test you for STD's while you get on it as well. 3) Do your research and talk about it. If you're not comfortable talking about it, then you're not ready. 4) Be prepared. Pregnancy is always an option - and if you're going to be having sex, you need to be mature enough to be able to handle the consequences. It is garunteed that every month you will have a week where you're hyper stressed wondering "Why hasn't my period started yet?!?" Can you deal with that stress? Ultimately - just THINK. Be smart about it. Don't just let yourself get "lost in passion and love." Hope this helps Topic:   Friends Date: October 16, 2006 Tz asks:   Hi , How are you? Here is what is up with me...Two of my friends had a huge fight . I tried to calm both of them down. One was really pissed off and the other was all most crying. They both had a huge melt downs at the same time. My guy friend was in a one of his suicidal moods. I was taking a walk and talking with him to get him away from my other friend. At the beginning of the walk he was telling every dog to shut up. He told one dog that and said that he should rip out the dog's throat and feed it to him. Well one of the neighbors told us to leave the dog alone and to keep on walking. We where not going to anything to that dog. During the walk I was really scared he would jump in front of a car or punch one. Before we took the walk he was telling me he has tried suicide countless times. He had a knife and gave it to me. One point during the walk I asked him what are you thinking about? He told me that he was planning his own death and he told me he wanted to slit his throat. Toward the end of my walk a blue car came up and said rip out the dog's throat and feed it to him. We tried to explain to him that my guy friend was pissed off but he said bitch and gunned it and did a U-turn with screeching wheels. The car started to head toward us but went blazing up the street instead. At the end of my over an hour walk I get a phone call from my other friend and she was telling me that she need to talk to me and she too was in her suicidal mood. I was really scared about my other friend but now after trying to calm down my guy friend, the incident, and now my other friend said she wanted to SI/ SH/ cut herself and she was having bad thought I.E. suicide I was scared shit! After the walk he asked for his knife back. I was a damn fucking idiot and was not thinking straight and gave him his knife back. After that I went on another walk trying to calm my other suicidal friend down. Which was over an hour again. My guy friend was talking to my mom. I got home and my other friend left and she had to leave. I walked inside and he was talking to my mom. I am happy my mom walked in and started to talk to him. After my mom left he told me that after I left to go on the walk with my other friend he was going to slit his throat. I think that was a hard thing to take. So the thing that I listed and what he said all most drove me over the edge. My other friend I am not sure if she is really ok like she tells me. But I am worried about her because last time she got in to a fight she went down stairs and took two old prescription pills. The bottle said to take one. I do not know if that is considered a suicide attempt but that scared me. On Friday I was a nervous wreck, wondering if my friends were going to be ok. I called both friends to see if they were ok. I was talking to my guy friend and said just imagine me dead and that we never met. I was practically in tears but did not cry. I know I am a hypercritic because I did what I told my friend not to do but Friday I could not deal with it any more and I cracked. Then I went to Celebrate Recovery up at the church and all most broke down because I was regretting more and more things. My guy friend came over on Saturday. I was on the edge with him trying not to piss him off but so far so good with him. I have seen both friends and they seem to be ok. And doing good:)! Me on the other hand, I am an another story. I am still scared. I have not been getting much sleep at all lately. I am doing my own cooping methods that people say are unhealthy and don't want me to do. Anything new with you? Anyway have an awesome day! See Ya, Tz helpinhelper says:   I'm fine, thanks for asking :-D Obviously though, your friends aren't fine. I'm going to keep this simple: tell SOMEONE what is going on. Tell your friends parents that they are suicidal and have tried, and need professional help. They need help. It might seem like you're "betraying them," but it would be a complete betrayal not to tell someone. Think about it: they no longer can decide what's in their best interest. They're about to kill themselves. You're supposed to be a friend and look out for them, even when they don't really want it... They'll go through a tough 3 weeks or so when you tell, but at least they won't be dying in the next 3 weeks... You MUST tell someone who can do something. Parents, teachers, church group members, anyone. Just don't sit there - their lives are in danger. If your friend was drowning, would you try to save them? Then what reason could you possibly give not to try to save them now? Hope this helps Topic:   Dating Date: October 15, 2006 Ashlee asks:   Ok, I went out with that guy for like 8 months and he broke up with me. We were really reallly close and I really thought he was IT (even he thought so) but he broke up with me. He told me his feelings had changed and that he had been thinking of that for the last 2 months. So ya, it's been 6 months now and I am still not over him. It is really hard to get over him right now because I am in Italy for a student exchange and he is in Canada... 1 week before I came here I invited him to a goodbye party and he was flirting with my friend...I talked to him about it and he denyed it all... We just started chatting on msn again and things are getting better...I still love him sooo much but he changed alot... My best friend in Canada is my ex best friend too and she says that his eyes are still sparkling when she talks about me. She dosent wanna give me faulse hope and I dont know if it actually means anything but...ya...I'm still hoping and holding on... Now I dont now wat I can do...we broke up once before and we went back together 2 months after...He changed so much but I still love the guy he use to be... I seriously dont know what I'm gonna do when he founds another girl like...seriously, it would brake me up... Do you think I should talk to him about it (on msn because I cant call him from Italy), wait when I come back to Canada (in like 2 months), still hope or just no